So, I'm a fix-a-holic. I want to fix, fix, fix. I'm not like the typical person who wants to fix. I HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH FIXING. If I am not in control of a situation to the point where I can fix it... I go bizerk and I lose my mind, my keys, my sleep, my happiness and everything else. I sit in front of a tv for hours and hours watching Grey's Anatomy weeping. Seriously. In a current situation I'm dealing with, I've been sitting back saying "I can't fix this...I won't fix this... I can't." WELL...I did!!! Or I tried to, or something. Then it hits me....I don't really care if it's fixed. I feel like an alcoholic who just threw their beer in a trashcan. I'm staring down in the can in shock and thinking to myself "What if i want it later? should i just store it away? that stuff is dang expensive...etc." I am not saying I'm cured, I'm not even saying I'm necessarily happy about my decision. Before I know it.. I could be downing another bottle of "fix" tomorrow. All I know is that tonight, I do not want it to be fixed. I don't want it to be broken... but I don't want to fix it. In fact, I don't really care either way.
I just want God to give me what he wants for me. I just want to be happy and well...all the CRAP (yes, crap) that goes along with this situation DOESN'T make me happy. I don't know what I want right now other than Jesus to give me what he wants me to have. When I try to get what I want... I just get a fix-it hangover (which are probably just as bad as a real one...but I wouldn't know.)
My point is....I am not in control and I don't really care. If I get EVERYTHING I ever wanted that's great...if not, then I'll take whatever is handed to me. What other option do I have anyways?
Now, i'm going fo fill out 12349234239123423498 labels and watch the news to see what happens with this healthcare catastrophe. God, help those people...they are all a bunch of fix-a-holics too...which is probably why I want to go into govt./law of some kind...birds of a feather, right?
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