giving thanks, growing up and getting grace.

Thanksgiving has come and gone. There were so many things to be thankful for this year! God has blessed me and so many wonderful things have been happening. Life hasn't always been easy and it surely has not been all that i thought it would be this year, but i'm learning to be thankful in all circumstances! I think it's safe to say that I am not sure what God is doing in my life and that a lot of unexpected surprises have come my way, but I know he has a plan!!

Thanksgiving day was wonderful. We got to spend time with some of the most wonderful people and I got to see my family which I always enjoy. It was sad that we were lacking certain members this year, but we will surely all be together on Christmas! The food was wonderful this year and it was a great day!! Black Friday was long and tiring. I didn't feel like we found any good deals (except maybe like two) and I didn't get a whole lot of sleep, but oh well. It's fun just to get up and go out into the crazy mess and see what's out there! So i'm glad that we kept up the tradition and went!

As for today, I've just been resting. Tonight has been a quiet night and I've just been basking in my thoughts and feelings. I'm just trying to figure out the next steps and move into the place God has for me.

That's all for now, I will keep you all updated more in the coming days! :)

Hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving!!!!

Love!

updates on life...

Today was quite the day. Well, tehnically..yesterday was quite the day. It's almost 3 am! But I just had to write and update about some great things.

I made a life altering decision today. Of course, God's will is what will ultimately happen, BUT if all goes as I have planned..then things will be dramatically different in 8 weeks of my life!

I am working on a very intense Christmas present. I have a HUGE fear it will not get finished. But I'm going to work hard. I'm going to push myself to do what I do not want to do! It's for the sake of someone else. Christmas is in fact the giving season. Not just in material, but also in time, effort, and in doing tasks that do not necessarily appeal to you.

I said some things I needed to say. Okay, maybe not... I said some things the WAY they needed to be said. Was it Godly? Probably not. Was it wrong? Probably. Did I regret it? No, not really. Did I repent? Yeah, okay.. I did. The point is, I decided to step up and be what I felt like being at that exact moment. I haven't done that in a LONG time and that is so unlike me. I used to always say what I wanted to..exactly the way I wanted to..at the exact moment I wanted. But lately, that has not been the case.. until tonight. Maybe I didn't do it exactly in the most loving way... but hey, i'm working on it!

I'm super super excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas! These are my two fav. holidays!! Christmas music has somewhat surfaced. Christmas movies...oh, they've definitely surfaced. And holiday cheer is stronger this year than ever before.

God is good. He really is and he is doing so many crazy/weird/cool/so like him things... :)

"I feel a tiny pang of regret, as though I've lost a secret, and then a rush of exaltation: now everything begins."

This blog is going to be one of those that you may not understand exactly everything I am saying, but someday in time all will be revealed.

I don't know if that quote makes any sense to you. But it finally makes sense to me.. I read it the other night and thought to myself "that's a cool quote" and while I got what it was saying, I didn't understand it fully. Last night, I saw that quote in a completely new light. There's something about releasing things you've held back for YEARS into the ears and heart of someone else.. I will not lie there is a TINY pang of regret as if "oh my gosh, i have lost something sacred that only I fully understood." But then theres a sense of .. "now that it IS out..everything can begin." Whatever "everything" may be. I honestly have to say that stronger than the pang of regret comes the excitement and you realize that something in your life is about to change and that regardless of everything works out the way you're thinking... there's a freedom in speaking the truth, there's a freedom in releasing the words that you said you could never say. Thank God, there is beauty in the breakdown. Life is crazy and I can't even tell you what i'm expecting or what God is going to do, I don't know. But I know that he is good. I know that God has not let all of this crazy situation be in vein.

making history!

So i am aware that it's almost 3 am. It's not that i'm not exhausted... I am. I guess I am just thinking of so much. Here's what's up:

to start off..i got an amazing cd from a friend. The artist's name is Mandy Mabes. She's not famous, but oh she should be! Her songs have just been speaking to me so much! Thank you Jesus.

Christmas music started today!!! I had every intention of pulling it out on Nov. 1, but time has not permitted. But it came out today---ah, I love it!

I'm fully loving fall right now. I am loving this "perfect, mellow, messy, leaf kicking, perfect pause between summer and winter." God always teaches me more in this season than ANY other. There's just something about the autumn when he decides to shift my world and teach me some CRAZY and INSANE lesson. This years...is mind boggling, earth shattering and absolutely wonderful.

I've just recently been enlightened to how much i've grown in the last 5 years. I've even had people comment about it. I cannot believe I've gotten to this place..rather, I cannot believe how AMAZING God has been to get me to this place. During the entire thing I was miserable and he had to drag me while I was kicking and screaming, but thankfully he did it despite my protests! Now, I see the whole other side of everything and how absolutely NECESSARY all of it was! I know that we all have those days when we wake up and say--"i wish i would've trusted God more, because it all turned out okay." I am at that place and while all my questions have not been answered and maybe things haven't exactly unfolded completely, I'm finding that things are NOT as they seem. Let me just say, God is making history!

Decisions have still not been made..that have to be made. Honestly, some things are going to HAVE to be taken care of before a decision can be made. The only way for those things to happen is for me to get out of bed and go for it. While there's always a fear of everything coming to the surface and changing.. there's always an excitement that comes as well. The thing is..sunrise and sunset, i'm watching life pass before my eyes. The truth is my friends, I have to get these things worked out so that I can make the decision about the next few years of my life. I'm afraid, yes, but I know that God has a CRAZY/AMAZING plan that is going to make everything i've been through worthwhile! :)

I'd appreciate prayer during this time, but know that God is good and he has you exactly where he wants you and whatever you're going through today, is going to be worth it!

"..and our lives were less than ordinary, but while I couldn't see past tomorrow, God was making history."