Untitled Confusion

I think it's safe to say that all of us go through confusing times or seasons. It's true, all humans have a point when they sit back and think to themselves, "What is happening with my life?" I think I'm in this season. Normally though, when I am in a season like this I can look to others for advice and/or guidance. What's really difficult is when the people around you shrug and say, "I don't understand it either, kid." It's frustrating and it takes a great amount of diligent seeking. Unfortunately, patience and diligent seeking aren't my strongest points in life. I'm trying really hard, but I feel like every time I reach a small point of breakthrough, something absolutely ridiculous happens.

I also think it's beyond safe to say that the ridiculousness that has become my life has gone on for far too long now. I think it's time to take control, you know? I don't mean take control in the non-christian way (which means...taking control and not "letting go & letting God") but more so in the "God has given me a brain, a voice and a purpose.. it's time to put it to good use!" kind of way. Today opened up my eyes more than almost any other day of my life. Perhaps it was because it was the end of a huge chapter it my life or perhaps because it wasn't when I prayed it would be. I can't exactly explain all of that right now, I just know that God is going to really have to lay this one out for me because I am stumbling around all over the place.

You know what strikes me as odd about my life? I can run and run fast from things that I don't want to face or deal with. I think what's crazy is that normally, God lets me get away with it. Unfortunately and for whatever reason, God does not seem to be letting me run anymore and honestly, I'm a little frustrated about it. If ever there was a time to let me run, I would most certainly think it would be now. I guess my thoughts and God's thoughts are just even more distant than I realized. I keep thinking about this day last summer. I was in Mooresville at a precious friends house and I remember undergoing this crazy break down and if I recall, that's when all of this began. It's like that breakdown was the first in this series of well, whatever this is. It was like for some reason that was the start, I don't know what was unleashed or unbound during that trip...but something happened. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am at a complete loss and not understanding life or anything about it today.

What am I learning from all of this? Live. There's no way to change what's happened, but you can do something about what is happening right now. Love. Whatever you decide to do, however you decide to "take control", do it in love. I have seen that it truly can move mountains. Laugh. Laugh when all is seriously going to crap and you can't believe what you're seeing with your own eyes. Somehow, you must choose to believe that God sees it and has a plan, even if it seems insane and impossible.

Farewell Jack Shephard

I don't really know where to begin this blog. I suppose I'll start off with LOST. As you all know, the series finale was on Sunday. Unfortunately, due to a huge lack of sleep, I missed it...but I did watch it on Monday though. Needless to say, I wept a few tears, said a few "huh? and oh my gosh's" and in the end felt terribly sad to have Jack walk out of my life. I think it was a decent series finale though. I caught up on it the DAY before the finale....it was crazy, I can't believe I had timing that was so perfect. Anyway, I think the worst part about a series finale is you feel like you are losing people you know. You become so attached to these characters and then suddenly they disappear and bring nothing new to your life. I don't know why I put myself through that month after month and year after year...but I do.

Today is a day of profound thought...or at least that is what i'm hoping. Tomorrow is senior night at youth and all of us seniors are supposed to share something wise with the younger ones. We're supposed to talk about big and important things the Lord has taught us in our short 18 years. The Lord has taught me so much, yes, but I don't know what to choose to talk about. When given an opportunity to share the most important things...I can't seem to figure out what to say. I kind of feel like I'm about to share my 18 years of legacy. I feel like this is something they're supposed to remember about me and carry with them. No pressure, right? I am just praying the Lord will give me revelation about what to say and remind me of all the wonderful things he's done for me. I will update and let you all know what I decided on.

Tonight is GLEE and the season finale of Parenthood. I'm excited, obviously. Oh and big insert ...my sister is home from college! So, this adds a little spice to my somewhat bland of a life. We always have fun and I can't wait to see what adventures we're going to have.

Season Finales for BONES and Grey's Anatomy.

}First, let me start off and say that we should all be thankful I'm still here. I literally almost fainted and had an anxiety attack during the Grey's Anatomy season finale. I found myself screaming the entire time "DON'T DIE! PLEASE DON'T DIE!" about several people in the episode. I was squeezing Mother's hand like it was happening to people I actually knew. I think we were both freaking out a little too much..

The BONES season finale just ticked me off. It was absolutely absurd! I cannot believe how they just keep dragging this nonsense ON AND ON! Just get to the good stuff already, i'm tired of five seasons worth of the same ole thing. Seriously, it's time to just let Booth and BONES be together!

I'm close to finishing LOST and hopefully I will before the series finale. INSANE, I know! I've watched almost all 6 seasons in about eleven days. I can't believe the series finale is happening and we'll finally get some answers. This stuff is SERIOUSLY crazy, I can't handle it...my brain almost isn't big enough to contain it all.

I felt like I was getting sick earlier today, but thankfully I think maybe it's getting better. Hopefully, I'll be able to have fun this weekend and next upcoming week since my sister is FINALLY going to be home! Let summer festivities begin!!! I'm excited, truly. God has done some cool things these past few days and I'm excited to see what else is in store. Life is going well...and don't worry, i'm still up for my adventure, I just haven't found it yet. ;)

adventure seeking

Neil Patrick Harris was on Glee tonight. I almost experienced death by high note at the end of "Dream On." I had no idea a man could have range like that. I was so shocked I almost went into cardiac arrest.

I've been having these moments lately where I'm thinking, "This is a really stupid idea." It cracks me up because I love those moments. It's in those moments that I take a crazy risk and see crazy results. I think I'm becoming an adrenaline junkie. I love those moments where you dive into something and have no idea what to expect, I love that rush of excitement. So, that's what I'm doing these days, taking risks. They don't always turn out like I hope, but they turn out and that's all that really matters to me.

These next few weeks are going to be about adventure for me. I don't know how or what, but I'm going to do SOMETHING adventurous. Dont' worry, I'll post when that happens. :)

Just the random things of my life....

It's about time for an update. There's not really a lot to update about though. First off, I need to clean my room. I also need to do about ten years worth of laundry. I figure I might get around to it sometime before July. I haven't moved out of my bed all day. I'm not proud of it, but it's just the facts.

I had ants in my room. I was about to have an overgrown cow when I started looking up remedies on the internet. Apparently, black pepper gets rid of ants. I sprinkled it in my room and I have yet to see another ant. I could not be happier about that.

As for a current update on television, I am into LOST right now. I just started last week and I'm already on season 3. It's a little different, but I'm a JJ Abrams fan, so of course I love it. I think my favorite character is John Locke. I know this won't surprise anyone since he would probably be considered "the old man." Shut up, old people are just better. They know more, they're cuter and they have sense. I also, of course, love Jack. He's ridiculously precious. (Almost to the point that it isn't realistic.) Nevertheless, I know they made him this way because they knew all us ladies would fall to pieces every time he opens his mouth. Also, Grey's Anatomy and BONES will be on tonight. They are both finally starting to get a little better and I am remembering why I like them.

As for my plans for the future....HA! I still have no idea what God is doing or WHY he is doing any of it, but it's okay. I'm trusting him and I know he's got this thing under control. He will show me what to do when the time is right. My least favorite part though is that when it comes to me...he absolutely LOVES making it last minute. I think he secretly giggles when he watches me spin out of control. Nevertheless, I still love him for it. It keeps me guessing and keeps me on my toes ;).

Mom asked me a really interesting question the other day. "If you had money and could do anything you wanted with your life...start any kind of business or something...what would you do?" I had no idea how to answer and then later gave an answer that was relatively accurate. The more I think about that question, the more I realize how many dreams I have. There are so many. I should probably write them down somewhere because even I tend to forget them! I guess I'm just going to be really interested to see how God combines all these things and puts them together in my life.

SO. I am going to get out of this bed for a little bit and do some cleaning. (You're probably shocked, I'm sure.) Maybe at some point in my life I'll have more to update about! Until then, Love!

no longer amish

Yesterday I had to go to Monkeezbrew. Not because I wanted a cup of coffee (although I did indulge once I arrived). I went because the foolish people next door rolled their insanely large mack truck into the parking lot and ripped a power line down. Therefore, we had NO cable, no phone and no internet. That ticked me off for several reasons, but one because it was Thursday and I missed my shows! I was not happy about this, not one little bit! I am going to watch them today, but nevertheless I had to live like an amish person for 24 hours. It was super annoying!

I did get to watch Glee though before all of that happened and it was actually really good. Matthew Morrison rapping and dancing to "Ice baby" just made life a little sweeter. I also watched October Sky the other day. It was my favorite movie as a kid, but it has been years since I've seen it. I watched it the other night and now I recall why it was my favorite. I mean it has Jake Gyllenhaal in it, need I say more? I bought it online after that and it should arrive soon.

I'm trying to get into this show called Mercy. I'm only two episodes in so far, but it's not half bad. We'll see it how it goes the more I watch. I think I'm obsessed with tv shows. I love them. I just want to watch tv series all the time. I wish I had a more beneficial hobby....like running marathons. Oh well.

So, I'm back at square one trying to figure out my future....it's not easy and I am in need of some serious prayer. I know God will show me in his timing and as I learned yesterday, his timing is a lot cooler than mine. He brings his plans about when you need them.

lazy day update.

Today is supposed to be lazy day, but I'm taking time to write this blog. Wednesday through Sunday was my church's conference. Every day 8:30 until almost midnight. Needless to say, I have been absolutely EXHAUSTED. It was such a great conference though and God did some unspeakably cool things. I can't wait to see what he's going to do in the next few weeks. I am really glad to have been able to go, it was great! Anyway, that's the reason why today is officially my lazy day. I have to have some recuperation time.

I'm also starting back my health kick today. Over the past week I have eaten terribly, especially at the conference. It was muffins, m&ms, pepsi, mexican food, cinnamon rolls and everything else that isn't close to being healthy. After a week long of mulling over my guilt, i'm going to get back on my health kick.

It's cloudy, my stomach is growling and i'm once again getting super tired. So, I am going to continue my lazy day. I will update later this week when I am no longer being lazy.