Is something about to break?

So there's this Mat Kearney song that became pretty popular a few years ago, called "Nothing Left to Lose" and a few years ago, I remember my sister and I singing this song so many times at moments in our lives when we felt God was about to do something huge. We'd always sing:

"Something's in the air tonight
the sky's alive with a burning light
you can mark my words,
something's 'bout to break"

and it's almost as if you could have marked our words, because something always broke. Maybe it's a stretch to call it "prophetic" that it always rose up in our spirits at a certain time in our lives...but i'm willing to make the leap and say it was. What I find exceptionally dissapointing is that I haven't heard those lines uttered to my spirit in a long time and it's somewhat heart wrenching. Maybe it's just that God is speaking a different way now and he's trying to mix things up a little, I'm not really sure.

I know that things are changing dramatically in my life though. This is definitely what I'd call a "new season" and it's scary. Tonight a few of us gathered and "kidnapped" our friend Melissa who is leaving for Israel on Thursday. It hit me tonight how bittersweet the farewell is going to be. I am going to miss this woman of God terribly. She's always there to help me out and talk me down when I'm going a little crazy. Then again, an excitement is in me for her. To send someone you love out to do the things that you yourself hope to do one day is encouraging in an unexplainable way.

I remember being little and my dad coming in my room to wake me up for school and he would yell "wake up, teddy bears are going on a picnic!" and he would jerk all of the covers off of me. I used to get so angry when he would pull the covers off. I was cold, uncomfortable and forced to move. That's where I am today with God. He's pulled the security blankets off of me and I am left cold, uncomfortable and forced to move! I've been begging, praying, seeking and yelling for God to help me and give me the answers to these questions burning in my soul. He gives me the answers, but they're answers I was expecting and answers I didn't want to hear. They're the BEST answers, yes.... but uncomfortable and somewhat difficult and annoying. I guess what I'm trying to say is now God is moving me into a completely new season and rather than having the people who have been there with me through the transition of the other seasons in my life...they're out fulfilling God's plan for their lives. It's scary, I'm not going to lie. I'm trying to be ready though and I'm trying to believe that whether I hear the Mat Kearney lyrics in my head or not....that something is IN FACT about to break.

Love,
Ashlin :)

The Beginning of the End

These past few days have been crazy. They've included a work day, a cook out with the Bhutanese from church, a solo trip to the mountains, sitting in an hour and a half of traffic, a lunch & car decorating day with Sarah for our last day of summer, and the girl's breakfast this morning. Today is the official start of my senior year. I actually found myself tearing up at the thought. I cannot believe how fast time has flown. People always told me, "those four years of high school will fly by!" I didn't believe them, but they were right.

Although things have been a little crazy, God has been so good! I wish I had the energy to update you on more, but like I said...things are busy. Today is the beginning of the end of a huge chapter in a person's life. It's one of the most exciting things ever, I can't believe I actually got here. Then again, it's sad. Growing up is a always a bittersweet thing. I can't wait to see what God has in store for this year, it's going be a good year and I'm going to embrace it. My motto for this year is "You only live once!" I'm going to make the most of every opportunity that comes my way and just have fun and enjoy this time in my life.

I'll update more when my schedule allows for it and I'm not so exhausted. Getting up so early the past week has started to get to me. Have a great day!

love, ashlin :)

Talk about BAD timing.

They say timing is everything. I personally think it's hilarious that i'm writing this at 4:34 am and I have to be up in about 4 and 1/2 hours to go to church, but nevertheless...i'd like to discuss BAD timing.

I think I can speak from experience when I say I know something about BAD timing. Just recently (like within the last 10 minutes) I have learned an entire new definition of the concept "bad timing." I've been praying through this INSANELY crazy situation in my life....and just seeking and FINALLY answers are coming and breakthrough is close and I receive a text message that is intended to complicate it ALL. And it has, for a moment, and I am wondering..WHY NOW? WHY ALL OF A SUDDEN? Why would God allow such a thing to happen just as I am on the edge of breakthrough? I wish I knew. Maybe to teach me something, maybe as a test.. I don't know and I won't pretend to understand his mysterious ways. I do know this though, that I cannot waiver on truth and what is right..regardless of any texts or anything else that happens. I know that I cannot let any feelings be swayed because of anything like that.. but I know this, what BAD TIMING to get such a text. It's one of the many things I love about a lot of the people in my life..they all have EXCEPTIONALLY BAD TIMING. I wish I could convey how true this is. It's almost as if some of them are PROGRAMMED to know when it would be MOST inconvenient to come to me..and they PURPOSEFULLY decide to execute their "plans" then. You have no idea how often this happens to me. It's almost humorous to me now. I guess I will have to address this situation when I awake in 4 and 1/2 hours and I will deal with it then. Until that time, I just wanted to vent for a moment.

God's timing is perfect. No doubt about that.
And he knows everything that will happen, before it happens......right?
Sooo...one must conclude he knew this would happen..
Meaning: He has some kind of plan.

I believe that. I have to believe that.

it's getting better all the time.

So last night... I started complaining. It's been happening a lot lately, and I'm not proud of it. Anyways, I started complaining about having nothing to do with my time. "Well, be careful what you wish for...cause you just might get it all (and then some you don't want)." I'm super excited because I have a lot of things coming up soon and so I'm amazed and grateful that the Lord has answered that prayer. As for getting up earlier, I have been doing a lot better and I'm so thankful for that. It's 11:16 and I'm already tired and ready for bed..which is an AWESOME accomplishment for me! :) Tonight was so good..all day has been completely great. I've spent the entire day laughing like crazy. I went through my 90 millionth license check tonight. I go through them more often than anyone I know. (Maybe it's a sign to start a witnessing ministry to the police! HA!) Anyway, tonight I went through and as soon as I saw the blue lights as I turned the corner, I grabbed my purse and had my license in hand, hanging out of my window when I pulled up. The seven or eight cops standing there all looked at each other in confusion. I've yet to figure out if it was because I was so eagerly prepared, or because it wasn't really a license check....haha I'm not really sure what was going on. Anyway, the fact that they all looked at each other like I was completely nuts for handing them my license and the cop nearest to me fumbled around with a confused look on his face.. saying "ohhh?" and took it... By then I just bursted out laughing with Sarah (who was in the passengers seat) and the next cop proceeded to ask what we were laughing at when Sarah said "You". He looked at us for a second confused and then Sarah continued (in a hilarious country accent) "We're just happy...we love Jesus!" Which then the cop bursted out laughing as well...and we laughed all the way home. It was one of the most enjoyable "license checks" (if that's what it really was) that i've ever been through..and trust me, I go through my share of them.

So my plan for this moment is to get some sleep and wake up early(ish) tomorrow and do some productive things. Things have been staying clean around our house (probably because I clean a lot) but nevertheless it's a blessing and I'm thankful for it. Things are happening. God is moving. and Life is getting better and I'm so thankful for it. I needed some breakthrough and it's finally coming. Granted, I'm going to be facing some things in the next few days that cannot be defined as "cake" but i'm convinced that God knows EXACTLY what he is doing :)

I love all of you! Thanks for reading :)

sleeping the day away....

My morning started off at 11:00 and I woke up and realized that I had nothing to do today. I rolled back over and went back to sleep. I woke up several more times before pulling myself out of bed at 1:30, Pathetic... I know! When I finally crawled out of bed this morning. I went trapzing into the kitchen to get my "first thing when i wake up soft drink" (don't freak..it was diet! So that makes it more respectable...right??) and my mother comes to me and hugs me saying, "There she is! She's awake... My friend! There's my friend!" I know I must have looked at her like she was a few crayons short of the full box, but it was an odd thing to say. Anyway, it made me laugh...so I figured i'd share it with you. Then I proceeded to bathe my dog, talk to Jordan (yay!), and then come across something I didn't really want to think about ... but it is inevitably being pushed in my face. I love the whole "Surrender this to me, dear child!" thing that God says, and then it still ends up poking you in the rear and you find yourself shaking your head and saying, "Remind me how to surrender it if it won't leave me alone?" that's kind of how I feel today. It's okay though, it's a process! Surrender is a process.

My to do list for the rest of the day looks a little something like this:

1. make my bed (that i am still sitting in at....3:48)
2. take a shower
3. get dressed
4. go get coffee
5. read my wonderful Bible
6. return movies from family movie night
7. hang out with some friends

So sadly, my day will begin at about 4:00 today, but that is okay! God has mercy on me. Thank you Jesus! I know what all of you are probably thinking (because it's probably what I hear 17 times a day): "Get a job you lazy bum! Get up and do something with your life!" Well, while I don't disagree... I am still claiming it "summer vacation" until Aug. 25 or so. I hope that all is well with each of you and that you found yourself out of bed at a respectable time today and have had a productive day thus far...pray that I'll start doing that. I need to do that.

Love, Ashlin :)

Day of Rest

So... This morning, I woke up at 12. I realize that is completely pitiful, but considering we just finished a three day conference at church and I barely got any sleep, I needed the day to sleep in. The conference was absolutely amazing and God did so many awesome things. He did a lot in my life personally and I know that some things I experienced will forever change my life! I miss being in the presence of God corporately, but I'm so thankful that I can be in his presence at any given time! Anyway, I went and had lunch at the famous Elizabeth's Pizza today. My friend Sarah and I always go there on our lunch dates! It's one of the reasons we're such great friends, because she's the only other person I know (besides myself) who is obsessed with Elizabeth's and gets amped up about their lunch special! I have to say that today is going to be my lazy day, I'm sitting in my bed right now just relaxing in pajamas. I've spent the last week cleaning this house and I need some time to recover! We've been remodeling since May and I'm so glad to see it coming to a close! It all started when my room flooded while I was in Montreat with Jordan......I had no idea that one pipe bursting would cause so much damage, but my room has been done for a while...so we just decided to re-do everything! The kitchen looks like a dream compared to before and the living room looks twice it's former size! It's a blessing to have everything put together! I enjoyed the little bit of time I had by myself this weekend in my clean home. I felt accomplished after cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping, taking care of the dog...but I will admit it's exhausting! Props to all the mom's who do it alone...DAILY! So anyway, after all of that...I'm designating today a "day of rest!" I'm thinking of watching Echelon Conspiracy in a little bit, it looks super good! I have a weird fascination with government conspiracy type stuff....I always have. That's probably why when my friend Melissa introduced me to the tv show ALIAS I watched the entire series (5 seasons) in about a week and a half. I'm so ADD, I somehow just got off on writing this and was watching an interview with Kate Gosselin and then read John Mark Mcmillans blog... apparently I lack the skill of focusing. (P.S. John Mark's blog was excellent today, so go read it!) So that's been my day so far! I'm going to devise a plan on how to get the dog back onto the porch and out of my room! Hope you all have a blessed one!