"stuck outside the walls of eden...standin' on our tiptoes just to catch a glimpse..."

It's about midnight and I'm here in my living room thinking...... There are pretty much 80 million thoughts running through my head and I am left with one word about this season in my life:

redemption

One of the definitions for redemption is this: to obtain the release or restoration of. I think that it's safe to say that's what has been happening recently.

A few months ago, the Lord began to ask me. "If you could change one thing...go back and do one thing differently, what would it be?" WHAT A QUESTION. It was almost scary to give an answer because what if it really happened? Could I really be happy with the ONE thing I chose out of the millions of mistakes I've seemed to make? I thought long and hard and finally had one. I gave it to him. He shook his head. "Nope....because if that wouldn't have happened then (insert important event in my life) wouldn't have happened." I sighed, okay well I'll try again. The process continued with what seemed like hundreds of things that he constantly said "well, that caused (insert important event) to happen." Eventually, I kind of gave up. It seemed that everything had a purpose.....what a concept!

Anyway, I kind of forgot about it and continued on with my life. Although I didn't continue answering the Lord with my mouth it seemed that my heart took over and started spouting off answers for me. Finally, one stuck and precious Jesus nodded his head. He wasn't going to let me go back and change it, but he was going to redeem it. Would you like to know the surprising part about it? It wasn't a mistake I had made or a choice gone wrong, it was more of something that had happened without my knowing, something the enemy had crept in and taken from me. He was going to redeem it. It wouldn't be the EXACT same situation, people, places or anything that went along with it. He decided to do it somewhere completely unexpected.

I guess the reason why I am writing this is because I feel something in my Spirit beginning to shift. The power of his redemption is flowing into the dry and cracked places of my heart that I haven't even known existed. I also know he's doing it in other areas too, in areas that I desperately need it.

What i've learned from all of this is: My mistakes, bad choices, poor judgments and all of the above aren't really the things I wish I could go back and change. The LORD somehow in his amazing power worked those together for my good. What I'd really like to see come to pass is the ground the enemy has taken to be reclaimed and redeemed for the purposes God gave it to me were. What the enemy thought he'd won, what he thought he'd stolen is being given back stronger, healthier and worth much more than when they were stolen.

I am grateful and humbled. Reminded of a story close to my heart. A few months ago I baby sat the three most precious children. The littlest of the three (who is just more precious than words could say) has a bad heart. His heart is literally failing within him and sometime within the next week they are going to take him into what is going to be an insanely risky surgery. My heart is breaking for this sweet boy and what he is enduring. This heart failure is not a result of his sin, bad choices or mistakes. This sweet little six year old has not even begun to make the mistakes most of us have. Through a heart wrenching story (that I won't tell over blog for lack of emotional strength and space), his heart is trying to be taken by the enemy. I am not God, I don't know what the outcome of this surgery is going to be, but I know this...his heart will not be stolen. This sweet baby's heart will be redeemed, one way or another whether here or with the Heavenly Father. My point in sharing this is to say this...the things that most need to be redeemed are not necessarily the crappy mistakes you think you've made. It's the fallen state of this world (which yes, was caused by sin), but we need a redeemer. The rocks cry out and the Earth groans along with my heart to see creation restored and redeemed back to the way God made it. The enemy thought that he won when he deceived Eve. He didn't see the cross coming. Just as he thinks he's won over all the things he's stolen from each of us, he doesn't see the redemption coming for us! I long to see myself reconciled back to the Father's heart...the way it should've been all along. I long to see a perfectly beating heart inside of this beautiful child.

I am thankful that I have seen a small glimpse of this glorious hope that is before us. That there is coming a day when all will be put in it's rightful place. I am thankful that right now, God is giving me just little bits and pieces of this hope in my own life. He is good.