should've been much further than this by now..a little bit more gone, a little less twisted around.

There may be many reasons for me being a dreamer. One of them being that it is one of the meanings of my name. Or it could be all the ridiculous Disney movies I was forced to watch as a child. I always picked the realistic ones.. 101 Dalmations, Lion King..those were my favorites. Completely realistic (well..mostly) and then of course my sister and cousin would pick the ones like Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Cinderella...the completely ridiculous and irrational ones. As much as I HATED them, they made me watch them. Now perhaps they are to blame for my being a dreamer. Most of the time it doesn't come up and cause a problem. Here recently I think it is to blame for a lot of the things I've been dealing with. Don't get me wrong...dreams can be a wonderful thing. They give us hope and something to look forward to. The only problem is when our dreams become completely unrealistic. I think perhaps that has become my problem. Rather than sticking with the realistic dreams I had as a child and my logical thoughts.. I decided to go out on a limb and come up with dreams that honestly make no sense for my life. I don't know what has happened to me.. I don't know where my logic went. Some people would encourage completely irrational dreams..and in some cases, that's okay. But when it comes to lifelong decisions...you cannot completely abandon rational thinking..can you? I don't really know what's provoking me to write this.. but I guess I'm just starting to realize that maybe everything i've worked for up until this point..has been for all the wrong reasons and for the purpose of accomplishing some COMPLETELY irrational and illogical dreams. Perhaps it's time to move forward with a clear mind and get my head back where it needs to be. Does this make my decisions any EASIER? No, not at all. But does it point out the consequences that will inevitably follow if I choose an irrational one...yes, somewhat. So, I still have not come to any conclusions, but I'm starting to rule out some of the choices..so i'm getting closer.

love.