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"Where you invest your love, you invest your life"

Stuck

I'm afraid. The season of summer is coming to it's end and I'm full of fear. Everyone is buying their dorm stuff, packing up and getting ready to head off on this new adventure. I feel stuck. I feel like I'm in the exact same place and I HATE it. I can't see what God's doing, at all.

I know what he's asked me to do here at home.....so, 1/2 of the equation is set and ready to go and I'm excited about that part of my future. As for the rest of it, it's still at a standstill and it hurts to say so. I want to be in a place of trusting, it's hard though...it's SO hard.

I know he is going to come through. I don't know how and I don't know when, but I pray and I hope that it's soon. God, please let it be soon.

Decisions have been made.

Good evening,

I guess I should say morning since it's now after midnight. It's been a while since I've given a life update. A lot has been going on and I've barely had sleep in two days. I finally got in a three hour nap today which helped tremendously. I am planning to go back to bed after I write this and try to get up early tomorrow. (Try being the key word to that sentence)

Decisions have been made. As all of you know, I've been in the process of trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. Everything is not OFFICIALLY worked out, but I made some huge steps today and I feel good about them. I was a little worried, but God sent confirmation IMMEDIATELY after, showing me that I was moving in the right direction. I can't express how grateful I am for that. I've been asking him so much lately to show me that he's working in this. Thank you God for showing up today.

So, the question on the tip of everyone's tongue...."What are you going to do!?" I know, I've been leaving everyone in the dark for weeks (months, actually), but finally I think I'll be able to lay some plans out there for you.

I dropped my classes at DCCC. That was difficult, but so right. I knew when I registered I was completely in the wrong and not listening to the voice of God. It was hard to let go of that security blanket, but God got me through somehow. Now, the plan is this....(drum roll please)............. I'm looking into writing. This shouldn't come as much of a shock to anyone that knows me, but nevertheless it's not something I normally discuss with people. I'm going to be embarking toward an apprentice certificate from the Christian Writer's Guild. I will also try to get in some college credit from Taylor University in the process of all of that. I want to write novels. It's a dream that's been buried in me for a really long time, but it took me a really long time to let God take hold of it and show me what to do. It's a long story. If you want to know more about it, call me and we'll get some coffee and talk about it.

As for my other dreams. Well, of course I still want to travel and do ministry/missions of some kind. The right opportunity hasn't seemed to come along yet. I have a few things in the back of my mind, but no plans have panned out just yet. I'm not giving up on it though, I know God is going to direct me with it! I'm excited about that!

I can't tell you what a relief it is to have some plans established. It's August 2nd and most people would consider it the last minute (and I am without a doubt one of those people), but it's right on time. God isn't done yet either, I know he's got a lot more lined up for this year and that's why I'm not going to physically tied down to school right now. I still have some of my own plans, but I know that he will change them and tweak them as he sees fit and I am MORE than okay with that.

Honestly, his dreams and plans are so much better than mine. When I started out figuring out what I was going to do after High School, I had a completely different plan in a totally opposite direction. It sounded a little less crazy and risky....actually, it sounded totally safe and secure. There's something life changing and exciting about stepping out on the edge though and letting God just take you wherever he has planned. His plans look COMPLETELY different than mine, but they are SO much better!

I have some more things to get in order tomorrow. One of those being changing my oil. I am 3,000 miles over (oops!). I also have to cancel my gym membership because it's costing $30 and I don't use it anymore! (I am not proud of that.) Just know that things are happening and God is moving in awesome ways! I am relieved, excited and ready to start this journey! Thanks for all of your prayers and support these past few months!

Love,

Ashlin

Resurrection in May (Booksneeze Review)

RESURRECTION IN MAY | by: Lisa Samson

Resurrection in May is a story of a girl named May Seymour. After May graduates from college, she sets out on a journey that includes, loss, new friends, old friends and a search for spiritual answers. In the midst of this, she ends up on the farm of an old man named Claudius who plays a crucial part in the healing that must take place in her life. Through this journey, May encounters more than most people could imagine, but this journey transforms her life beyond what she could've ever expected.

When thinking about my feelings toward this book, there are several emotions that begin to well up inside of me. First, I would have to say that this book brought forth a lot of depression and I never necessarily got much redemptive joy from it. From the title we can gather that this is supposed to be a story of resurrection, but I never felt like things really came back to life FULLY. I can't honestly say that this was a story that inspired or built my faith. In some ways it sent me into a quiet sadness filled with anything but joy. While the story had heart warming characters full of love and charm, they could not compensate for the utter sense of loss that overpowers you while you are reading and even when you finish. On a positive note, the writer's details and descriptions are exceptional and as far as her style of writing, I liked it very much. Sadly, this is probably not a book I would recommend to anyone. I like to finish a book with some sense of hope and joy, something that makes me look forward to life and this book did not give me that at all.

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I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

"stuck outside the walls of eden...standin' on our tiptoes just to catch a glimpse..."

It's about midnight and I'm here in my living room thinking...... There are pretty much 80 million thoughts running through my head and I am left with one word about this season in my life:

redemption

One of the definitions for redemption is this: to obtain the release or restoration of. I think that it's safe to say that's what has been happening recently.

A few months ago, the Lord began to ask me. "If you could change one thing...go back and do one thing differently, what would it be?" WHAT A QUESTION. It was almost scary to give an answer because what if it really happened? Could I really be happy with the ONE thing I chose out of the millions of mistakes I've seemed to make? I thought long and hard and finally had one. I gave it to him. He shook his head. "Nope....because if that wouldn't have happened then (insert important event in my life) wouldn't have happened." I sighed, okay well I'll try again. The process continued with what seemed like hundreds of things that he constantly said "well, that caused (insert important event) to happen." Eventually, I kind of gave up. It seemed that everything had a purpose.....what a concept!

Anyway, I kind of forgot about it and continued on with my life. Although I didn't continue answering the Lord with my mouth it seemed that my heart took over and started spouting off answers for me. Finally, one stuck and precious Jesus nodded his head. He wasn't going to let me go back and change it, but he was going to redeem it. Would you like to know the surprising part about it? It wasn't a mistake I had made or a choice gone wrong, it was more of something that had happened without my knowing, something the enemy had crept in and taken from me. He was going to redeem it. It wouldn't be the EXACT same situation, people, places or anything that went along with it. He decided to do it somewhere completely unexpected.

I guess the reason why I am writing this is because I feel something in my Spirit beginning to shift. The power of his redemption is flowing into the dry and cracked places of my heart that I haven't even known existed. I also know he's doing it in other areas too, in areas that I desperately need it.

What i've learned from all of this is: My mistakes, bad choices, poor judgments and all of the above aren't really the things I wish I could go back and change. The LORD somehow in his amazing power worked those together for my good. What I'd really like to see come to pass is the ground the enemy has taken to be reclaimed and redeemed for the purposes God gave it to me were. What the enemy thought he'd won, what he thought he'd stolen is being given back stronger, healthier and worth much more than when they were stolen.

I am grateful and humbled. Reminded of a story close to my heart. A few months ago I baby sat the three most precious children. The littlest of the three (who is just more precious than words could say) has a bad heart. His heart is literally failing within him and sometime within the next week they are going to take him into what is going to be an insanely risky surgery. My heart is breaking for this sweet boy and what he is enduring. This heart failure is not a result of his sin, bad choices or mistakes. This sweet little six year old has not even begun to make the mistakes most of us have. Through a heart wrenching story (that I won't tell over blog for lack of emotional strength and space), his heart is trying to be taken by the enemy. I am not God, I don't know what the outcome of this surgery is going to be, but I know this...his heart will not be stolen. This sweet baby's heart will be redeemed, one way or another whether here or with the Heavenly Father. My point in sharing this is to say this...the things that most need to be redeemed are not necessarily the crappy mistakes you think you've made. It's the fallen state of this world (which yes, was caused by sin), but we need a redeemer. The rocks cry out and the Earth groans along with my heart to see creation restored and redeemed back to the way God made it. The enemy thought that he won when he deceived Eve. He didn't see the cross coming. Just as he thinks he's won over all the things he's stolen from each of us, he doesn't see the redemption coming for us! I long to see myself reconciled back to the Father's heart...the way it should've been all along. I long to see a perfectly beating heart inside of this beautiful child.

I am thankful that I have seen a small glimpse of this glorious hope that is before us. That there is coming a day when all will be put in it's rightful place. I am thankful that right now, God is giving me just little bits and pieces of this hope in my own life. He is good.

Birthdays and Days full of Bliss.

First of all, today is my wonderful Sister's birthday! Happy Birthday Jordan, you are so precious to me! I love you dearly. Jordan and I are pretty much best friends and constantly sit at each other's side. I'd be pretty crazy without her.

Also, I figured I'd pop in here just to give a few updates and to post another picture or two from Lauren & Luke's engagement session.

Updates: Life is good. Life is a little crazy. Okay, try A LOT of crazy, but I'm trying to endure and pray through it. I don't understand at ALL what God is doing or what he is trying to speak to me, but I'm excited and trying to live & love every second of it. He's bringing a lot of change and bringing me into a new season, thankfully. New seasons are good (I pray for them frequently), yet when they come I am often found sitting in a corner rocking back and forth scared out of my wits at what they bring. As much as I need change, it scaresthe daylights out of me.

God's teaching me a lot about how my ways are just so different than his. If I get an idea, he gets almost an opposite one (of course, his is like 80 million times better). If I put together a plan, he pulls me in the complete opposite direction. It's frustrating, but it's fun and I love him for it. :)

That's my spill for right now, I don't want to give away many details just because not everything is worked out perfectly just yet! Anyway, here are some more pics! Hope you all enjoy!

Lauren & Luke

Aren't they too cute?

Photographs & Memories

I know the story of Lauren & Luke pretty well. Considering I was there from the start, it is a story that is close to my heart. I remember the days when I would tease Lauren and accuse her of liking Luke. She would deny it (of course), but nevertheless, I always knew there was something there. After a few years of friendship and a few little obstacles along the way, the two of them finally saw what I'd been seeing for a while, that they have an undeniable chemistry. Once they started dating, it wasn't hard for anyone to see that they were perfect together. What a joy it has been to see to halves coming together to complete one another just the way God intended when he first made Adam and Eve.

Lauren, who is my cousin, has also been one of my best friends since we were kids. We have laughed, cried, fought, built forts, raced for turtles, had a million sleepovers and talked until the wee hours of the morning. My heart is so happy that she has finally found the man she will spend the rest of her life with. Luke couldn't be more precious. I have no doubt that no one will ever be able to love her as much as he does. It's constantly all over his face just how much he adores her. There are constantly those little moments where he just glances her way and you see some supernatural love come over his face. I've also never seen Lauren look at anyone the way she looks at Luke. They have no doubt brought the best out of each other.

On Wednesday, I had the pleasure of taking Lauren and Luke's engagement pictures. It was so much fun and we got some great shots! I think the greatest part about it was that they are so easy to photograph. Their love for each other shows up in the funniest ways and you can't help but feel that mushy gushy feeling when you're around them. In the process of editing their pictures, I even found myself practically weeping. Partly, because she is my cousin and best friend and to think that she is getting married is mind blowing, but also because they are so precious and are a beautiful example of what true love looks like.

I will give you a little sneak preview of their engagement pictures! I am absolutely so excited for them! I won't show you too much though because the soon to be married couple haven't even seen them all yet. :)

Are they not precious? There are ones that are even more precious and hilarious than these! At some point, you will get to see more! For now, enjoy! I hope you're all well :)

“I hoped that the trip would be the best of all journeys: a journey into ourselves” -Shirley Maclaine

I can't believe the trip is over. I realize that it was only two days, but it felt like a lifetime of excitement. There was so much that happened that I am not even sure i've processed yet. As for the things I have processed, here they go.

The trip started off well, until we reached a town that smelled like sewer and Jordan and I switched positions. I became the driver and she became the passenger. As we headed into the mountains, I don't think anything could've contained our excitement. When we reached the ridiculous (or some other word that you probably would gasp at) town of Cosby we found that we had somewhat lost our way. Well, when all else fails, go straight. Well, unfortunately any other way would've been better, but whatever. We ended up driving up a random mountain for at least 30 minutes (which ended up being an hour trip all together) and came to the top (where there was no civilization) to see RANDOM construction workers chilling on the mountain. This precious old man knew I was lost, so he proceeded to ask where we were headed and inform us that the road we were on turned into a dead end/dirt road. YAY. He then had me turn around on the mountain. It was narrow, it was rocky, there were no guard rails and if you were to accidentally hit the wrong pedal, you would be flung off into the abyss.

Finally, after deep breaths and barely tapping the gas, I got turned around and started down the winding mountain. Needless to say, I almost had a panic attack, but thank God we made it. We then went toward Gatlinburg, only to realize that we didn't REALLY know where we were going because thanks to Google Maps they left off over HALF of the directions. We decided to call the place we'd reserved and the conversation went a little something like this:

Jordan: "Yes, we're looking for you and we're out near Jellystone park."

Lady: "OH HONEY....YOU'RE WAYYYYY OUT OF THE WAY!"

Jordan (looking distraught explains to the lady how we got where we were.)

Lady: "Oh, you're rite! you're rite! Just keep on a comin and turn at stop light 3!"

After realizing we weren't completely off, we continued on our trip. As we passed drove over the Pigeon Forge line we both looked to our left to see Riveredge Park (our place to stay) flying by on our right. We proceeded to turn around and then around again before we figured out how to get into the place. When we finally did get in, the lady laughed "SO YOU GOT HERE?!" She sent us to our cabin and we threw all of our stuff inside. It was perfect in every sense of the word. Bare (only one room with beds, a fridge and a microwave) Secluded, but near people, safe, but adventurous; it was everything we'd hoped for.

That night was spent in time with the Lord. I'm not going to lie it was the hardest night for me. I began to get super frustrated because I didn't feel like I was getting much of anything. I would get a random line here or there or a verse. I knew they were things from the Lord, but they didn't seem really significant. It was frustrating.

The next day, Jordan and I decided to go on a hike to Laurel Falls. Let me just say that I wasn't exactly pumped about it when the lady at the help center informed us there had been recent bear spottings and fatalities. I pretty much freaked. Wild animals that can tear my face off do not excite me. Despite her startling news, we started on our hike and it was absolutely beautiful. I was still nervous though and began to pray and ask the Lord for protection and that I wouldn't see a bear. To my dismay, he gave me an impression that I wasn't going to get that prayer answered, but that I would be okay. Needless to say, I freaked out.

Anyway, when Jordan and I reached the top it was absolutely beautiful the falls were breathtaking and it was worth the sweat and fear it took to get there. We sat by the falls for quite some time and took it all in. That's when the Lord really began to speak to me...and to my surprise and delight, he tied in the few things he'd given me the night before. Apparently, they had been more significant than I'd thought. The falls were absolutely my favorite part of our trip.

On our hike back down a rather ridiculously enthusiastic lady decided to inform us there was a bear 3/10 of a mile back down the mountain. Oh joy. "He's soooo cute!" she added skipping up to the falls. I wanted to pop her in the mouth. It was a bear for Pete's sake! Of course, I freaked out, but Jordan reminded me that we had to get back down at some point. I walked slowly and cautiously wondering when we would stumble upon Yogi and meet our doom. Well, it wasn't hard to find him because there were about 25 hikers lined across the narrow path of the hike taking pictures and oohing and ahhing. I snapped my pics and decided to get away from a CNN headline waiting to happen. Before I could go, I heard the most ridiculous comments. "He looks like a puppy!!!!!" to which I thought, No..no maam, he doesn't he's a bear. You know what? He could eat you, shoot, he probably would eat you. Better yet, he's a cub so his mother will eat you. Followed by, "Do you think he'll fall?" Hmm, well should we stick around to find out? I couldn't believe how ridiculous people were over a LIVE and DANGEROUS animal. Nevertheless, it was a neat experience to see him in his natural habitat. I loved it, but I would've loved it more for both he and I if people just snapped a few pics and walked away quietly to leave him be. They were disturbing nature and it was somewhat heartbreaking. The revelation that came from that was even greater than I'd expected. After the hike, we spent that night having quiet time as well, this time it was a little easier and Jordan and I got to talk about some cool revelations that we both got.

The next morning, the morning to leave we stopped for breakfast on our way through Cherokee and back to home. We ate at this Log Cabin Pancake place. Unfortunately, we almost experienced death by freezer burned waffles and purple chocolate milk. It was probably the most repulsive experience of my life, but we had a good laugh. We drove through Cherokee and then on to Asheville where we met up with the lovely Jada Parker and had a two hour long dinner with her. It was good to see a friendly face and eat fantastic burritos!

Like I said, I still haven't processed everything. God revealed a lot on this trip about myself, my future, my dreams and the things that he has for me. I'm excited, a little nervous and all together rested and relaxed. It was a needed trip at the perfect time. I think there's definitely a time for all of us to do this, just to get away. Let go of the distractions, noises, technology, worries and just focus in on what the Lord is trying to say and do in our lives. I'm thankful that he gave us a wonderful opportunity, full of laughs, funny people and exciting revelations.

“Adventure must start with running away from home” --William Bolitho

I don't know if you remember, but in my "adventure seeking" post I said: These next few weeks are going to be about adventure for me. I don't know how or what, but I'm going to do SOMETHING adventurous. Dont' worry, I'll post when that happens. :)

Talk about a post of prophecy or perhaps i'm just getting around to fulfilling a desire. Regardless of why, the time has finally come! Tomorrow, Jordan and I are waking up early and embarking on an adventure. We're taking a 5 hour trip up into the mountains and staying in a little camping cabin. We're "roughing it" or at least in our opinions. We are getting away from all the comforts of home. No big ole comfy beds, tvs, computers, radios, ipods or anything. Two girls, two bibles, two journals, some spiritual books and two hearts ready to seek what God has next for our lives. Needless to say we're overly excited and eagerly awaiting the morning to come. We're expecting big things, needed things...we're also excited about relaxing for the first time in a while.

SO, adventure, here we come! We're going to also be doing maybe some hiking and sight seeing. We plan to go look at some waterfalls and stuff too! It's going to be BEAUTIFUL! I cannot wait! I will post stories, revelations and pictures when I return on Wednesday! Love you all!

“We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lost sight of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way.”

books, laziness and blahness.

Hello readers. Forgive my lack in blogging. I guess I could make up some excuse about being super busy and blah blah blah, but all that would just be lies. Yesterday was busy, no doubt about that and full of a lot of stuff, but the rest of this week has been pretty BLAH. In the midst of my blahness, I figured I would blog and say a few things going on in my life/head.

I'm scared. Summer has come quickly and will leave even more quickly. I'm scared out of my mind about what is going to happen and what I need to do, but I'm trusting. Oh, but it's hard, it's so hard.

I'm a little frustrated because things this week are NOT going like I'd planned. I know I'm most likely over-reacting, but nevertheless I guess it's hard when you make and effort and it is not appreciated. Story of my life. Oh well.

LAUREN IS ENGAGED! Lauren, (for those of you who don't know) is my cousin and one of my best friends! I am absolutely SOO excited for her! She and Luke are so precious and are going to have a beautiful wedding and marriage! I'm so so happy for them!

Jordan is cooking for me right now. I greatly appreciate it, she knows that I'm starving to death and I love her for being so motherly to me and making me dinner. Do I have a great sister or what?

A tip for you guys: internet games are addicting, don't start playing them! I've been taking so much time playing games online, this is not healthy.

I need to start reading again. I just finished "Peculiar Treasures" by Robin Jones Gunn and it was great! I really liked the story line! I need to finish "Love Starts With Elle" by Rachel Hauck. I'm also in the middle of "Desire" by John Eldredge and OH MAN, it's AWESOME! I recommend that book to ANYONE and EVERYONE! It will inspire you beyond belief! I may do a little review or something soon! Anyway, hope you are all well!

Love,

Ashlin

thou hast coveted... so now what?

Well, to start off I woke up to realize someone had hacked my e-mail and sent out a strange e-mail to my address book. GREAT. Whatever, I'm just not even going to worry about that.

I also woke up (before the e-mail incident) with several things happening and with tons of thoughts running through my head. These last few days it seems I have been attacked in WEIRD ways. It's kind of things that NEVER happen to me. I haven't understood anything at all. Then I started to think about the root of all evil. The Bible says "The love of money is the root of all evil" (1 Timothy 6:10). Obviously, if the Bible says it then it's true. I couldn't help but ask God though "How is it not jealousy and envy?" Isn't that why people love money? Because they are jealousy and envious of things that other people have. Doesn't almost EVERY sin come out of a place of jealousy? Then I saw this verse "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." (James 3:16) I think I believe that more today than ever before. I think we're so consumed by not having what we want, sometimes we can do things we never even thought. I'm guilty of it myself. We catch ourselves on the "big" sins (murder, adultery, etc.) and say "oh gosh, i'd NEVER do that." But wouldn't we? Wouldn't we cross some pretty big lines to get what we don't have that we SO desperately want? I don't know if all of us would go that far... but some of us go to the lengths of other things. It might be hurting our best friend, rebelling against our parents, stealing, cheating...and plenty more. Didn't the first sins come from jealousy and wanting what we couldn't have? Eve was JEALOUS of God. She wanted to be more like him...so she listened to the serpent. Cain wanted the approval that God gave to Abel. He killed his own brother out of jealousy. Where you have envy and selfish ambition you will find EVERY evil practice. So, how do we move out of this? How do we STOP? How do we refrain from taking it out on people who might have something we want. Can we make ourselves stop wanting it?

I know this, we make our choices. We make our beds, so now we have to lie in them. Some things we don't get a choice about, I know. We can't change our families, our financial situations, or many of our circumstances, but we can change our desire. It's not easy, so don't think I'm saying that it is. Really, take a good look at your desires (the ones that make you SUPER jealous of others...) Why is that happening? Have you done something to make that occur? Is it something you can't change? If it's something you can't change...then realize this: God gave you what he knew you could handle. TRUST him, seek him, love him and he'll make a way. He'll show you how to be content in ALL circumstances. If it's something you've done....deal with it. Get rid of the problem, get rid of the guilt and choose to move forward. You will do none of us any good by living in the slime of guilt.

Also, I think this: Think of the people you've envied, think of the people involved in those situations and take a look at your actions. Have you hurt them? Have your envious words hurt them? Most times you have and maybe without realizing it.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures (James 4:1-3)

Fighting, quarreling, making snarky comments...it won't get you what you want. Contrary to the lie that the Enemy says it won't get it for you. He tells you "If you want something...take it! They don't deserve it any more than you do! Go get it!" It sounds like pretty much every "inspirational" movie in America. I'm not saying you can't go after things you want....YES, you can. But if it's in the hands of someone else, it's not your RIGHT to touch it. Grabbing it or reaching for it...won't get it for you! You have not, because you do not ask God! He is the one who GIVES ALL. When you do ask, it's with wrong motives (not for his Glory, but for YOURS!). I'm guilty. Throw up the black stone, Judge 'cause I am guilty as charged. I'm telling you to take a look at all the things you think you REALLY want. What makes you want them? How have you tried to get them? Why don't you think you have them? Stop comparing yourselves to your friends, your family, the girl in your dorm or the man next door. Take a step back and ask yourself about what YOU really desire and what YOUR motives have been. Bring THOSE things to the Lord and ask him to help you lay them down. Ask him to place his desires FOR YOU inside of you. Ask him to create pure motives in you. Ask him to make you content with what you have and happy for those who have more or something you'd like. Ask him to change you and your circumstances from the INSIDE OUT. Let him change your heart, your desires, motives, thoughts and plans and then he will begin to change your circumstances and give you HIS ways.

Running Down The Aisle.

Yesterday, Jordan and I went shopping for a bridal shower gift at Target. When this adventure started off we were poking and checking everything on the registry sheet. I was being slow and trying to decide what I thought would be the best gift. About halfway through the list we came across an item that we had no idea what it was. We decided to head over about 10 aisles and figure it out. Once arriving we were picking it up and deciding whether it would be a good purchase.

In the midst of our deciding a cheery blonde lady called out to us, "are you buying for (insert bride's name here)?"

We stopped and looked at each other and then looked to the lady. "Yeah."

She smiled graciously, "Oh, well I've already picked that up, but you can have it if you'd like."

I obviously wasn't about to raid this woman's shopping cart so we refused her offer and decided to move on.

Jordan and I found another item that we thought would be great, but we knew that wrapping it would be a nightmare. There was no way to find a box big enough for this thing! So, then I set off to find something else instead. Walking back through, I spotted a lady from our church who I knew was buying for the same bride.

I called out hello to her in a chippery voice, but wasn't feeling so chippery. This was one more person we had to beat and compete to get a good gift. She smiled and talked about how she was having trouble finding a gift that was easy to wrap. Join the club.

When she walked away to continue her quest, we overheard a young woman with her cute baby in tow talking about her purchase on the phone. "Well, they're registered at Bed Bath and Beyond too."

Jordan and I stopped and turned to each other. As our mouths dropped open, Jordan dramatically squeals, "She's here for them too!!"

I moaned and gripped the handles on my cart. I was determined to get a good gift and one that could be wrapped because Jordan had found PERFECT wrapping paper for $1.00. I swerved the buggy down the next aisle and took off at an impressive speed. On our way, we spotted a couple walking around with a registry in their hand as well, pointing at gifts that we had already seen. At this point we became paranoid and started to wonder if everyone invited to the wedding was shopping in Target at this EXACT moment.

We stopped at another aisle and then another, still in a panic to find something. A few minutes into our search the lady from our church came prancing back through. "OH, I found the perfect gift! This is just what I was looking for." It was big, it was nice, it was expensive.

Jordan and I looked at each other in disbelief. Would we ever find the perfect gift in this ridiculous race? We decided to take off, we couldn't give up just yet!

Finally, after running halfway through the store we arrived at our next destination. The aisle was blocked with carts, so I sprinted to the other end and turned on two wheels at the other end. When I stopped to catch my breath, I looked up to see the first blonde lady smiling and holding the gift I was racing to find. It was the perfect gift and packaged so that it would be super easy to wrap. "Looking for this?" She smiled cunningly, as if she too felt the pressure of this race. I just found myself exploding in laughter. Could this really be happening?

She looked into our cart and then back up. She then approached us, "I just needed something that would fit inside the first gift I picked up."

Jordan moved a little closer. "We were looking for something we could wrap with this perfect wrapping paper." She held up the paper and the woman nodded, "That is perfect."

She sat the gift in my cart. "Here, take this."

I looked up at her, shocked and in awe. "What? Are you sure?"

She nodded, only looking a little disappointed.

Jordan held up the first gift we had considered that was much too large to wrap. "We were going to get this, but it'd be too hard to wrap."

The blonde lady had a twinkle in her eye. "So, you're not getting it now?"

We shook our heads no and all three of us had the same realization. It would fit perfectly inside of the first gift she picked up. She reached down toward it, "Trade?"

I nodded and threw a victorious fist into the air. "Yes, this is perfect! Thank you!"

She smiled and looked just as ecstatic as I felt.

Jordan grabbed my arm. "We have to hurry! Other people could be purchasing this right now! There are about a billion people in here buying for the same people. What if they purchase it before us?"

I couldn't let that happen. So, we took off running and found the shortest line. I threw the gift up there and heaved the registry list at the cashier. I slouched in relief as I heard the "ding" of her scanner. We had gotten it.

Jordan then lifted the perfect wrapping paper. "I don't think this is wide enough for our gift."

It was true. The perfect paper would not be wide enough to wrap this gift. It was one of those rolls that was only about half the width of a normal roll. We decided to put it up and get some at Walmart.

Jordan and I held our heads high as we marched out of Target in victory. We had gotten a great gift and a great price! We had been at least a runner-up in the bizarre bridal buying bonanza!

We spent the next two hours looking for wrapping paper. After about ten stores, we resolved that our luck had come to it's end. There was no good wrapping paper to be found, and the only thing suitable was $4.00! We decided to shrug it off and head home. We will continue our wedding gift adventures another day. Be sure, if anything remotely crazy happens on our next outing like it did at Target, I'll be sure to let you know.

Oh, and don't worry. I'll make sure to top this off with spiritual justification. Even Paul encouraged a little bit of competition with these kinds of things ;)

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.-1 Corinthians 9:24

Untitled Confusion

I think it's safe to say that all of us go through confusing times or seasons. It's true, all humans have a point when they sit back and think to themselves, "What is happening with my life?" I think I'm in this season. Normally though, when I am in a season like this I can look to others for advice and/or guidance. What's really difficult is when the people around you shrug and say, "I don't understand it either, kid." It's frustrating and it takes a great amount of diligent seeking. Unfortunately, patience and diligent seeking aren't my strongest points in life. I'm trying really hard, but I feel like every time I reach a small point of breakthrough, something absolutely ridiculous happens.

I also think it's beyond safe to say that the ridiculousness that has become my life has gone on for far too long now. I think it's time to take control, you know? I don't mean take control in the non-christian way (which means...taking control and not "letting go & letting God") but more so in the "God has given me a brain, a voice and a purpose.. it's time to put it to good use!" kind of way. Today opened up my eyes more than almost any other day of my life. Perhaps it was because it was the end of a huge chapter it my life or perhaps because it wasn't when I prayed it would be. I can't exactly explain all of that right now, I just know that God is going to really have to lay this one out for me because I am stumbling around all over the place.

You know what strikes me as odd about my life? I can run and run fast from things that I don't want to face or deal with. I think what's crazy is that normally, God lets me get away with it. Unfortunately and for whatever reason, God does not seem to be letting me run anymore and honestly, I'm a little frustrated about it. If ever there was a time to let me run, I would most certainly think it would be now. I guess my thoughts and God's thoughts are just even more distant than I realized. I keep thinking about this day last summer. I was in Mooresville at a precious friends house and I remember undergoing this crazy break down and if I recall, that's when all of this began. It's like that breakdown was the first in this series of well, whatever this is. It was like for some reason that was the start, I don't know what was unleashed or unbound during that trip...but something happened. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am at a complete loss and not understanding life or anything about it today.

What am I learning from all of this? Live. There's no way to change what's happened, but you can do something about what is happening right now. Love. Whatever you decide to do, however you decide to "take control", do it in love. I have seen that it truly can move mountains. Laugh. Laugh when all is seriously going to crap and you can't believe what you're seeing with your own eyes. Somehow, you must choose to believe that God sees it and has a plan, even if it seems insane and impossible.

Farewell Jack Shephard

I don't really know where to begin this blog. I suppose I'll start off with LOST. As you all know, the series finale was on Sunday. Unfortunately, due to a huge lack of sleep, I missed it...but I did watch it on Monday though. Needless to say, I wept a few tears, said a few "huh? and oh my gosh's" and in the end felt terribly sad to have Jack walk out of my life. I think it was a decent series finale though. I caught up on it the DAY before the finale....it was crazy, I can't believe I had timing that was so perfect. Anyway, I think the worst part about a series finale is you feel like you are losing people you know. You become so attached to these characters and then suddenly they disappear and bring nothing new to your life. I don't know why I put myself through that month after month and year after year...but I do.

Today is a day of profound thought...or at least that is what i'm hoping. Tomorrow is senior night at youth and all of us seniors are supposed to share something wise with the younger ones. We're supposed to talk about big and important things the Lord has taught us in our short 18 years. The Lord has taught me so much, yes, but I don't know what to choose to talk about. When given an opportunity to share the most important things...I can't seem to figure out what to say. I kind of feel like I'm about to share my 18 years of legacy. I feel like this is something they're supposed to remember about me and carry with them. No pressure, right? I am just praying the Lord will give me revelation about what to say and remind me of all the wonderful things he's done for me. I will update and let you all know what I decided on.

Tonight is GLEE and the season finale of Parenthood. I'm excited, obviously. Oh and big insert ...my sister is home from college! So, this adds a little spice to my somewhat bland of a life. We always have fun and I can't wait to see what adventures we're going to have.

Season Finales for BONES and Grey's Anatomy.

}First, let me start off and say that we should all be thankful I'm still here. I literally almost fainted and had an anxiety attack during the Grey's Anatomy season finale. I found myself screaming the entire time "DON'T DIE! PLEASE DON'T DIE!" about several people in the episode. I was squeezing Mother's hand like it was happening to people I actually knew. I think we were both freaking out a little too much..

The BONES season finale just ticked me off. It was absolutely absurd! I cannot believe how they just keep dragging this nonsense ON AND ON! Just get to the good stuff already, i'm tired of five seasons worth of the same ole thing. Seriously, it's time to just let Booth and BONES be together!

I'm close to finishing LOST and hopefully I will before the series finale. INSANE, I know! I've watched almost all 6 seasons in about eleven days. I can't believe the series finale is happening and we'll finally get some answers. This stuff is SERIOUSLY crazy, I can't handle it...my brain almost isn't big enough to contain it all.

I felt like I was getting sick earlier today, but thankfully I think maybe it's getting better. Hopefully, I'll be able to have fun this weekend and next upcoming week since my sister is FINALLY going to be home! Let summer festivities begin!!! I'm excited, truly. God has done some cool things these past few days and I'm excited to see what else is in store. Life is going well...and don't worry, i'm still up for my adventure, I just haven't found it yet. ;)

adventure seeking

Neil Patrick Harris was on Glee tonight. I almost experienced death by high note at the end of "Dream On." I had no idea a man could have range like that. I was so shocked I almost went into cardiac arrest.

I've been having these moments lately where I'm thinking, "This is a really stupid idea." It cracks me up because I love those moments. It's in those moments that I take a crazy risk and see crazy results. I think I'm becoming an adrenaline junkie. I love those moments where you dive into something and have no idea what to expect, I love that rush of excitement. So, that's what I'm doing these days, taking risks. They don't always turn out like I hope, but they turn out and that's all that really matters to me.

These next few weeks are going to be about adventure for me. I don't know how or what, but I'm going to do SOMETHING adventurous. Dont' worry, I'll post when that happens. :)

Just the random things of my life....

It's about time for an update. There's not really a lot to update about though. First off, I need to clean my room. I also need to do about ten years worth of laundry. I figure I might get around to it sometime before July. I haven't moved out of my bed all day. I'm not proud of it, but it's just the facts.

I had ants in my room. I was about to have an overgrown cow when I started looking up remedies on the internet. Apparently, black pepper gets rid of ants. I sprinkled it in my room and I have yet to see another ant. I could not be happier about that.

As for a current update on television, I am into LOST right now. I just started last week and I'm already on season 3. It's a little different, but I'm a JJ Abrams fan, so of course I love it. I think my favorite character is John Locke. I know this won't surprise anyone since he would probably be considered "the old man." Shut up, old people are just better. They know more, they're cuter and they have sense. I also, of course, love Jack. He's ridiculously precious. (Almost to the point that it isn't realistic.) Nevertheless, I know they made him this way because they knew all us ladies would fall to pieces every time he opens his mouth. Also, Grey's Anatomy and BONES will be on tonight. They are both finally starting to get a little better and I am remembering why I like them.

As for my plans for the future....HA! I still have no idea what God is doing or WHY he is doing any of it, but it's okay. I'm trusting him and I know he's got this thing under control. He will show me what to do when the time is right. My least favorite part though is that when it comes to me...he absolutely LOVES making it last minute. I think he secretly giggles when he watches me spin out of control. Nevertheless, I still love him for it. It keeps me guessing and keeps me on my toes ;).

Mom asked me a really interesting question the other day. "If you had money and could do anything you wanted with your life...start any kind of business or something...what would you do?" I had no idea how to answer and then later gave an answer that was relatively accurate. The more I think about that question, the more I realize how many dreams I have. There are so many. I should probably write them down somewhere because even I tend to forget them! I guess I'm just going to be really interested to see how God combines all these things and puts them together in my life.

SO. I am going to get out of this bed for a little bit and do some cleaning. (You're probably shocked, I'm sure.) Maybe at some point in my life I'll have more to update about! Until then, Love!

no longer amish

Yesterday I had to go to Monkeezbrew. Not because I wanted a cup of coffee (although I did indulge once I arrived). I went because the foolish people next door rolled their insanely large mack truck into the parking lot and ripped a power line down. Therefore, we had NO cable, no phone and no internet. That ticked me off for several reasons, but one because it was Thursday and I missed my shows! I was not happy about this, not one little bit! I am going to watch them today, but nevertheless I had to live like an amish person for 24 hours. It was super annoying!

I did get to watch Glee though before all of that happened and it was actually really good. Matthew Morrison rapping and dancing to "Ice baby" just made life a little sweeter. I also watched October Sky the other day. It was my favorite movie as a kid, but it has been years since I've seen it. I watched it the other night and now I recall why it was my favorite. I mean it has Jake Gyllenhaal in it, need I say more? I bought it online after that and it should arrive soon.

I'm trying to get into this show called Mercy. I'm only two episodes in so far, but it's not half bad. We'll see it how it goes the more I watch. I think I'm obsessed with tv shows. I love them. I just want to watch tv series all the time. I wish I had a more beneficial hobby....like running marathons. Oh well.

So, I'm back at square one trying to figure out my future....it's not easy and I am in need of some serious prayer. I know God will show me in his timing and as I learned yesterday, his timing is a lot cooler than mine. He brings his plans about when you need them.

lazy day update.

Today is supposed to be lazy day, but I'm taking time to write this blog. Wednesday through Sunday was my church's conference. Every day 8:30 until almost midnight. Needless to say, I have been absolutely EXHAUSTED. It was such a great conference though and God did some unspeakably cool things. I can't wait to see what he's going to do in the next few weeks. I am really glad to have been able to go, it was great! Anyway, that's the reason why today is officially my lazy day. I have to have some recuperation time.

I'm also starting back my health kick today. Over the past week I have eaten terribly, especially at the conference. It was muffins, m&ms, pepsi, mexican food, cinnamon rolls and everything else that isn't close to being healthy. After a week long of mulling over my guilt, i'm going to get back on my health kick.

It's cloudy, my stomach is growling and i'm once again getting super tired. So, I am going to continue my lazy day. I will update later this week when I am no longer being lazy.

Tv, Movies and The Decline of Blonde People.

Here are my tv/movie thoughts for the past month or so! Hope you enjoy :)

Tonight was a new episode of Glee. Gotta admit, it wasn't my favorite. The whole Kurt/Finn thing kinda freaked me out a little bit.... but such is life. Glee isn't normally the kind of show I would like, so I find it interesting that I actually like it. I'm not sure what it is about it that I like. I like Matthew Morrison, of course, but who wouldn't? I like the music as well, but obviously my favorite part is Sue Sylvester. She cracks me up every time she opens her mouth. I know she's cruel, but she's 100% hilarious. I think Glee brings something completely different to the table. I also have no doubt that they picked up on the fact that musicals are a big thing right now. Good for FOX...milk it while you can! I wasn't happy to see April back though, good Lord that woman gets on my last nerve! I say we keep her off. I'm ready for some good stuff to start happening. They need to bring a little more drama in. Let's all cross our fingers for a better episode next week.

Parenthood is one of my new favorite shows. Granted, I know I'm not a parent and thank God, I have a few years before I have to take that task on. I just love the family conflicts, they're pretty interesting. It also goes without saying that anything Lauren Graham stars in is probably going to be worth watching. Gilmore Girls is an all time favorite, so I had to get into Parenthood. So far, I think that Adam is my favorite character. I really admire the way he keeps his entire family together. It's a quality I wish I had. :) I feel like the entire cast is great, they all work well together! It's already been renewed for Season 2, so that leaves me with some peace that it's not going to get cancelled out of the middle of nowhere like The Deep End did.

Honestly though, I wasn't too devastated about The Deep End. ABC tends to come up with some off the wall shows that don't do well, so it wasn't surprising in the least that it was cancelled after 6 episodes. Grey's Anatomy is finally coming back with a new episode. It's been I don't even know how many weeks since a new one. It's about time! Honestly, I'm ready for them to pick up some drama or something, it's been getting boring. I couldn't even bring myself to watch last week's BONES. I'm SO bored with it! It was one of my all time favorites, but after I saw that they're just going to let this Booth/Bones chemistry drag on and on I just got sick of it and said "NO MORE!" The first few seasons were so good, I'm not sure what's happening lately, it's getting to the point of sheer frustration. Thank God, Lie To Me is returning in June! I'm ready for it too! I'm ready for something that is actually intriguing and with a story line that MOVES!

As for movies, there have been quite a few lately that are worth watching. One of my new favorites of all time, that I will no doubt buy and watch a hundred times is Leap Year. Matthew Goode and Amy Adams are a riot! I laughed my butt off and also felt a few tears at times. It was the perfect combination! It's definitely one for Romcom fans to check out! I guarantee you that you will NOT be disappointed! I was shocked at how little I've heard about this movie though, it's so great! Anyway..moving on!

Alright, I have to do it! I have to insert The Last Song. Now, the movie doesn't even begin to compare with the book. Then again, what movie every really does? I was thoroughly impressed by the book and yet still somewhat attached to the movie. Now, I know that anyone over the age of twelve with half a brain would say, "Miley Cyrus? Thanks, but no thanks." I can't say I disagree with you. I know she has some qualities that can be labeled annoying, but nevertheless she's a decent actress and she did relatively well for the part. Of course, Liam Hemsworth was precious and left us all asking at the end of the movie, "Really? That precious guy is dating Miley in real life?" It's still a mystery to me. Anyway, the movie left out a lot of key elements, in my opinion, but still it wasn't terrible. Now, ask a guy and he might would say something different. I'd say for anyone in the 13-25 range, you'd enjoy it!

Now, here's a genuine surprise! Remember Me. I saw the trailer for this movie and almost gagged. Everyone knows I'm not the biggest Robert Pattinson fan, but this movie just looked terrible. Even Jordan, who loves him was like,"It's going to be a terrible movie, but i'll see it anyway." I was pleasantly surprised at how this movie wasn't terrible! It was actually NOTHING like I expected it to be! It had depth, shock, intrigue...it had pretty much everything I thought it would lack! I was crazy surprised and somewhat blown away that Robert Pattinson could play in something exceptionally moving. Surprising as this may be, I can admit when I'm wrong and I was wrong to pre-judge this movie. It's worth seeing.

Last, but certainly not least is Letters to Juliet. This movie is currently on my list of "Movies to See." It comes out May 14, and I can't wait! I feel like it's going to be super cute and something I'll enjoy. It's a different kind of story and that's EXACTLY what I like to see. I'm also somewhat becoming a fan of Amanda Seyfried! I think this movie is going to be worth the $9.00 I'll spend on it, as well as the $9.00 I'll spend in gas to get to the theatre! The trailer looks darling and of course we must value that there are two blonde people in this movie. Blonde people are sadly going extinct. I seriously believe that probably by 2030, there will be only a few of them left. Brunettes are beginning to dominate, so we best enjoy this blonde romance while we can! We also must encourage it, perhaps if more blonde people get together they can reproduce and rebuild the declining population of blondes. Mm, then again, i'm not sure if that would be a good thing or not.

Well, these are my current thoughts. Take them at face value, but also check out these shows and movies on your own. If you have reason to argue...I dare say, argue! This is just me: "SPEAKING AS A COMPLETELY OBJECTIVE THIRD PARTY OBSERVER WITH ABSOLUTELY NO PERSONAL INTEREST IN THE MATTER... "

Love!