She Will Do Great Things

There You'll Find Me--A Booksneeze Review

2011-11-02T22:59:00.000-07:00

I read constantly, but it is truly rare that I find a book that causes me to sit back in awe. In the course of my nearly twenty years of life, I have maybe stumbled upon a handful of books that have truly inspired, gripped and filled my heart. There You'll Find Me by Jenny B. Jones is one of those books that truly left a mark on me.

The story of Finley Sinclair is not only a unique one, but also one that many people can relate to. While she is dealing with grief and heartache, which all of us experience at some time or another, she is dealing with it while learning that life goes on and tragedy doesn't stop time. When she sets off to Ireland to find answers, adventure and hopefully God, she begins to see things in a whole new way.

I flew through this book, I seriously could not stop! This book not only kept me completely captivated, but it inspired me in many ways. Like Finley, there are places in all of our hearts that we've let grow dim and unkept because of the things we've experienced. Jenny B. Jones brings those areas to light and back to life with this coming of age story. I loved it so much that I will have to actually buy a physical copy (I read it this time as an e-book). It's one I'll want to share, mark my favorite quotes in and keep on my shelf for years to come! Five stars! I encourage anyone and everyone to read this amazing story.

I was given a free e-copy of this book by Booksneeze in agreement to write an unbiased review.

Jesus, my father, the CIA and me: Ian Morgan Cron (Review)

2011-09-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

Jesus, my father, the CIA and me by Ian Morgan Cron was a great read. It's an autobiography of a man as he goes from child to adult and all that comes in between.

Cron gives the details of his life in such a vivid way. He makes you feel as if you were there as you read through the pages of this novel. It's a novel full of heartache, but also of finding God through it all. This book isn't super "religious" or in your face, but just full of truth and sincerity.

I recommend reading this book, I think any human can find something in it that relates to their own personal life.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Story Engineering: A Review for booksneeze

2011-05-18T23:03:00.001-07:00

When I first saw that Story Engineering was up for review, I excitedly clicked to order it and was not let down. This book does just as it says, it gives you the tools to master 6 core skills for writing. It was very informative as well as honest. One of the best qualities about this book was how blunt it was. The author was completely honest and forthcoming, he didn't beat around the bush, which I appreciated a lot. Although it felt repetitive at times, I felt like overall this book was extremely helpful to me. I felt like it was a great tool. I found myself marking it up immediately, highlighting and dog-earing the pages. I feel like this is a book I will refer to many times over the course of my life and would recommend it to anyone thinking of learning more skills for writing.

The best part about this book is how it's laid out. I like how it's very organized and flows well together. The author was super thorough and made some great points and gave great and valuable tools for all writers.

4 out of 5 stars!

I was given this as a complimentary gift from Booksneeze.com for the purpose of review.

Take Action Bible Review

2011-04-18T15:43:00.001-07:00

Here's a review!

Take Action Bible

The Take Action Bible is a NKJV paperback Bible. It is filled with 15 stories/colorful pages about people who are putting their faith into action.

I think this Bible is a great size, it's light weight and has a great concordance! The pages are very thin and with the paperback cover, it's not hard to imagine that it wears and tears easily. Nevertheless, this is a great Bible and would be a good one to give to a new believer or just to have as an extra lying around!

I was given this as a complimentary gift from Booksneeze.com for the purpose of review.

MOVING BLOGS!

2010-08-12T13:15:00.000-07:00

I've moved to wordpress! This place just has WAY too much spam for me! Check me out and continue following me! Click on the link below!

"Where you invest your love, you invest your life"

Stuck

2010-08-09T11:46:00.001-07:00

I'm afraid. The season of summer is coming to it's end and I'm full of fear. Everyone is buying their dorm stuff, packing up and getting ready to head off on this new adventure. I feel stuck. I feel like I'm in the exact same place and I HATE it. I can't see what God's doing, at all.

I know what he's asked me to do here at home.....so, 1/2 of the equation is set and ready to go and I'm excited about that part of my future. As for the rest of it, it's still at a standstill and it hurts to say so. I want to be in a place of trusting, it's hard though...it's SO hard.

I know he is going to come through. I don't know how and I don't know when, but I pray and I hope that it's soon. God, please let it be soon.

Decisions have been made.

2010-07-29T13:58:00.000-07:00

Good evening,

I guess I should say morning since it's now after midnight. It's been a while since I've given a life update. A lot has been going on and I've barely had sleep in two days. I finally got in a three hour nap today which helped tremendously. I am planning to go back to bed after I write this and try to get up early tomorrow. (Try being the key word to that sentence)

Decisions have been made. As all of you know, I've been in the process of trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. Everything is not OFFICIALLY worked out, but I made some huge steps today and I feel good about them. I was a little worried, but God sent confirmation IMMEDIATELY after, showing me that I was moving in the right direction. I can't express how grateful I am for that. I've been asking him so much lately to show me that he's working in this. Thank you God for showing up today.

So, the question on the tip of everyone's tongue...."What are you going to do!?" I know, I've been leaving everyone in the dark for weeks (months, actually), but finally I think I'll be able to lay some plans out there for you.

I dropped my classes at DCCC. That was difficult, but so right. I knew when I registered I was completely in the wrong and not listening to the voice of God. It was hard to let go of that security blanket, but God got me through somehow. Now, the plan is this....(drum roll please)............. I'm looking into writing. This shouldn't come as much of a shock to anyone that knows me, but nevertheless it's not something I normally discuss with people. I'm going to be embarking toward an apprentice certificate from the Christian Writer's Guild. I will also try to get in some college credit from Taylor University in the process of all of that. I want to write novels. It's a dream that's been buried in me for a really long time, but it took me a really long time to let God take hold of it and show me what to do. It's a long story. If you want to know more about it, call me and we'll get some coffee and talk about it.

As for my other dreams. Well, of course I still want to travel and do ministry/missions of some kind. The right opportunity hasn't seemed to come along yet. I have a few things in the back of my mind, but no plans have panned out just yet. I'm not giving up on it though, I know God is going to direct me with it! I'm excited about that!

I can't tell you what a relief it is to have some plans established. It's August 2nd and most people would consider it the last minute (and I am without a doubt one of those people), but it's right on time. God isn't done yet either, I know he's got a lot more lined up for this year and that's why I'm not going to physically tied down to school right now. I still have some of my own plans, but I know that he will change them and tweak them as he sees fit and I am MORE than okay with that.

Honestly, his dreams and plans are so much better than mine. When I started out figuring out what I was going to do after High School, I had a completely different plan in a totally opposite direction. It sounded a little less crazy and risky....actually, it sounded totally safe and secure. There's something life changing and exciting about stepping out on the edge though and letting God just take you wherever he has planned. His plans look COMPLETELY different than mine, but they are SO much better!

I have some more things to get in order tomorrow. One of those being changing my oil. I am 3,000 miles over (oops!). I also have to cancel my gym membership because it's costing $30 and I don't use it anymore! (I am not proud of that.) Just know that things are happening and God is moving in awesome ways! I am relieved, excited and ready to start this journey! Thanks for all of your prayers and support these past few months!

Love,

Ashlin

Resurrection in May (Booksneeze Review)

2010-07-26T16:11:00.000-07:00

RESURRECTION IN MAY | by: Lisa Samson

Resurrection in May is a story of a girl named May Seymour. After May graduates from college, she sets out on a journey that includes, loss, new friends, old friends and a search for spiritual answers. In the midst of this, she ends up on the farm of an old man named Claudius who plays a crucial part in the healing that must take place in her life. Through this journey, May encounters more than most people could imagine, but this journey transforms her life beyond what she could've ever expected.

When thinking about my feelings toward this book, there are several emotions that begin to well up inside of me. First, I would have to say that this book brought forth a lot of depression and I never necessarily got much redemptive joy from it. From the title we can gather that this is supposed to be a story of resurrection, but I never felt like things really came back to life FULLY. I can't honestly say that this was a story that inspired or built my faith. In some ways it sent me into a quiet sadness filled with anything but joy. While the story had heart warming characters full of love and charm, they could not compensate for the utter sense of loss that overpowers you while you are reading and even when you finish. On a positive note, the writer's details and descriptions are exceptional and as far as her style of writing, I liked it very much. Sadly, this is probably not a book I would recommend to anyone. I like to finish a book with some sense of hope and joy, something that makes me look forward to life and this book did not give me that at all.

___________________________________________________

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

"stuck outside the walls of eden...standin' on our tiptoes just to catch a glimpse..."

2010-07-09T21:04:00.000-07:00

It's about midnight and I'm here in my living room thinking...... There are pretty much 80 million thoughts running through my head and I am left with one word about this season in my life:

redemption

One of the definitions for redemption is this: to obtain the release or restoration of. I think that it's safe to say that's what has been happening recently.

A few months ago, the Lord began to ask me. "If you could change one thing...go back and do one thing differently, what would it be?" WHAT A QUESTION. It was almost scary to give an answer because what if it really happened? Could I really be happy with the ONE thing I chose out of the millions of mistakes I've seemed to make? I thought long and hard and finally had one. I gave it to him. He shook his head. "Nope....because if that wouldn't have happened then (insert important event in my life) wouldn't have happened." I sighed, okay well I'll try again. The process continued with what seemed like hundreds of things that he constantly said "well, that caused (insert important event) to happen." Eventually, I kind of gave up. It seemed that everything had a purpose.....what a concept!

Anyway, I kind of forgot about it and continued on with my life. Although I didn't continue answering the Lord with my mouth it seemed that my heart took over and started spouting off answers for me. Finally, one stuck and precious Jesus nodded his head. He wasn't going to let me go back and change it, but he was going to redeem it. Would you like to know the surprising part about it? It wasn't a mistake I had made or a choice gone wrong, it was more of something that had happened without my knowing, something the enemy had crept in and taken from me. He was going to redeem it. It wouldn't be the EXACT same situation, people, places or anything that went along with it. He decided to do it somewhere completely unexpected.

I guess the reason why I am writing this is because I feel something in my Spirit beginning to shift. The power of his redemption is flowing into the dry and cracked places of my heart that I haven't even known existed. I also know he's doing it in other areas too, in areas that I desperately need it.

What i've learned from all of this is: My mistakes, bad choices, poor judgments and all of the above aren't really the things I wish I could go back and change. The LORD somehow in his amazing power worked those together for my good. What I'd really like to see come to pass is the ground the enemy has taken to be reclaimed and redeemed for the purposes God gave it to me were. What the enemy thought he'd won, what he thought he'd stolen is being given back stronger, healthier and worth much more than when they were stolen.

I am grateful and humbled. Reminded of a story close to my heart. A few months ago I baby sat the three most precious children. The littlest of the three (who is just more precious than words could say) has a bad heart. His heart is literally failing within him and sometime within the next week they are going to take him into what is going to be an insanely risky surgery. My heart is breaking for this sweet boy and what he is enduring. This heart failure is not a result of his sin, bad choices or mistakes. This sweet little six year old has not even begun to make the mistakes most of us have. Through a heart wrenching story (that I won't tell over blog for lack of emotional strength and space), his heart is trying to be taken by the enemy. I am not God, I don't know what the outcome of this surgery is going to be, but I know this...his heart will not be stolen. This sweet baby's heart will be redeemed, one way or another whether here or with the Heavenly Father. My point in sharing this is to say this...the things that most need to be redeemed are not necessarily the crappy mistakes you think you've made. It's the fallen state of this world (which yes, was caused by sin), but we need a redeemer. The rocks cry out and the Earth groans along with my heart to see creation restored and redeemed back to the way God made it. The enemy thought that he won when he deceived Eve. He didn't see the cross coming. Just as he thinks he's won over all the things he's stolen from each of us, he doesn't see the redemption coming for us! I long to see myself reconciled back to the Father's heart...the way it should've been all along. I long to see a perfectly beating heart inside of this beautiful child.

I am thankful that I have seen a small glimpse of this glorious hope that is before us. That there is coming a day when all will be put in it's rightful place. I am thankful that right now, God is giving me just little bits and pieces of this hope in my own life. He is good.

Birthdays and Days full of Bliss.

2010-07-08T22:21:00.000-07:00

First of all, today is my wonderful Sister's birthday! Happy Birthday Jordan, you are so precious to me! I love you dearly. Jordan and I are pretty much best friends and constantly sit at each other's side. I'd be pretty crazy without her.

Also, I figured I'd pop in here just to give a few updates and to post another picture or two from Lauren & Luke's engagement session.

Updates: Life is good. Life is a little crazy. Okay, try A LOT of crazy, but I'm trying to endure and pray through it. I don't understand at ALL what God is doing or what he is trying to speak to me, but I'm excited and trying to live & love every second of it. He's bringing a lot of change and bringing me into a new season, thankfully. New seasons are good (I pray for them frequently), yet when they come I am often found sitting in a corner rocking back and forth scared out of my wits at what they bring. As much as I need change, it scaresthe daylights out of me.

God's teaching me a lot about how my ways are just so different than his. If I get an idea, he gets almost an opposite one (of course, his is like 80 million times better). If I put together a plan, he pulls me in the complete opposite direction. It's frustrating, but it's fun and I love him for it. :)

That's my spill for right now, I don't want to give away many details just because not everything is worked out perfectly just yet! Anyway, here are some more pics! Hope you all enjoy!

Lauren & Luke

Aren't they too cute?

Photographs & Memories

2010-07-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

I know the story of Lauren & Luke pretty well. Considering I was there from the start, it is a story that is close to my heart. I remember the days when I would tease Lauren and accuse her of liking Luke. She would deny it (of course), but nevertheless, I always knew there was something there. After a few years of friendship and a few little obstacles along the way, the two of them finally saw what I'd been seeing for a while, that they have an undeniable chemistry. Once they started dating, it wasn't hard for anyone to see that they were perfect together. What a joy it has been to see to halves coming together to complete one another just the way God intended when he first made Adam and Eve.

Lauren, who is my cousin, has also been one of my best friends since we were kids. We have laughed, cried, fought, built forts, raced for turtles, had a million sleepovers and talked until the wee hours of the morning. My heart is so happy that she has finally found the man she will spend the rest of her life with. Luke couldn't be more precious. I have no doubt that no one will ever be able to love her as much as he does. It's constantly all over his face just how much he adores her. There are constantly those little moments where he just glances her way and you see some supernatural love come over his face. I've also never seen Lauren look at anyone the way she looks at Luke. They have no doubt brought the best out of each other.

On Wednesday, I had the pleasure of taking Lauren and Luke's engagement pictures. It was so much fun and we got some great shots! I think the greatest part about it was that they are so easy to photograph. Their love for each other shows up in the funniest ways and you can't help but feel that mushy gushy feeling when you're around them. In the process of editing their pictures, I even found myself practically weeping. Partly, because she is my cousin and best friend and to think that she is getting married is mind blowing, but also because they are so precious and are a beautiful example of what true love looks like.

I will give you a little sneak preview of their engagement pictures! I am absolutely so excited for them! I won't show you too much though because the soon to be married couple haven't even seen them all yet. :)

Are they not precious? There are ones that are even more precious and hilarious than these! At some point, you will get to see more! For now, enjoy! I hope you're all well :)

“I hoped that the trip would be the best of all journeys: a journey into ourselves” -Shirley Maclaine

2010-06-24T09:31:00.000-07:00

I can't believe the trip is over. I realize that it was only two days, but it felt like a lifetime of excitement. There was so much that happened that I am not even sure i've processed yet. As for the things I have processed, here they go.

The trip started off well, until we reached a town that smelled like sewer and Jordan and I switched positions. I became the driver and she became the passenger. As we headed into the mountains, I don't think anything could've contained our excitement. When we reached the ridiculous (or some other word that you probably would gasp at) town of Cosby we found that we had somewhat lost our way. Well, when all else fails, go straight. Well, unfortunately any other way would've been better, but whatever. We ended up driving up a random mountain for at least 30 minutes (which ended up being an hour trip all together) and came to the top (where there was no civilization) to see RANDOM construction workers chilling on the mountain. This precious old man knew I was lost, so he proceeded to ask where we were headed and inform us that the road we were on turned into a dead end/dirt road. YAY. He then had me turn around on the mountain. It was narrow, it was rocky, there were no guard rails and if you were to accidentally hit the wrong pedal, you would be flung off into the abyss.

Finally, after deep breaths and barely tapping the gas, I got turned around and started down the winding mountain. Needless to say, I almost had a panic attack, but thank God we made it. We then went toward Gatlinburg, only to realize that we didn't REALLY know where we were going because thanks to Google Maps they left off over HALF of the directions. We decided to call the place we'd reserved and the conversation went a little something like this:

Jordan: "Yes, we're looking for you and we're out near Jellystone park."

Lady: "OH HONEY....YOU'RE WAYYYYY OUT OF THE WAY!"

Jordan (looking distraught explains to the lady how we got where we were.)

Lady: "Oh, you're rite! you're rite! Just keep on a comin and turn at stop light 3!"

After realizing we weren't completely off, we continued on our trip. As we passed drove over the Pigeon Forge line we both looked to our left to see Riveredge Park (our place to stay) flying by on our right. We proceeded to turn around and then around again before we figured out how to get into the place. When we finally did get in, the lady laughed "SO YOU GOT HERE?!" She sent us to our cabin and we threw all of our stuff inside. It was perfect in every sense of the word. Bare (only one room with beds, a fridge and a microwave) Secluded, but near people, safe, but adventurous; it was everything we'd hoped for.

That night was spent in time with the Lord. I'm not going to lie it was the hardest night for me. I began to get super frustrated because I didn't feel like I was getting much of anything. I would get a random line here or there or a verse. I knew they were things from the Lord, but they didn't seem really significant. It was frustrating.

The next day, Jordan and I decided to go on a hike to Laurel Falls. Let me just say that I wasn't exactly pumped about it when the lady at the help center informed us there had been recent bear spottings and fatalities. I pretty much freaked. Wild animals that can tear my face off do not excite me. Despite her startling news, we started on our hike and it was absolutely beautiful. I was still nervous though and began to pray and ask the Lord for protection and that I wouldn't see a bear. To my dismay, he gave me an impression that I wasn't going to get that prayer answered, but that I would be okay. Needless to say, I freaked out.

Anyway, when Jordan and I reached the top it was absolutely beautiful the falls were breathtaking and it was worth the sweat and fear it took to get there. We sat by the falls for quite some time and took it all in. That's when the Lord really began to speak to me...and to my surprise and delight, he tied in the few things he'd given me the night before. Apparently, they had been more significant than I'd thought. The falls were absolutely my favorite part of our trip.

On our hike back down a rather ridiculously enthusiastic lady decided to inform us there was a bear 3/10 of a mile back down the mountain. Oh joy. "He's soooo cute!" she added skipping up to the falls. I wanted to pop her in the mouth. It was a bear for Pete's sake! Of course, I freaked out, but Jordan reminded me that we had to get back down at some point. I walked slowly and cautiously wondering when we would stumble upon Yogi and meet our doom. Well, it wasn't hard to find him because there were about 25 hikers lined across the narrow path of the hike taking pictures and oohing and ahhing. I snapped my pics and decided to get away from a CNN headline waiting to happen. Before I could go, I heard the most ridiculous comments. "He looks like a puppy!!!!!" to which I thought, No..no maam, he doesn't he's a bear. You know what? He could eat you, shoot, he probably would eat you. Better yet, he's a cub so his mother will eat you. Followed by, "Do you think he'll fall?" Hmm, well should we stick around to find out? I couldn't believe how ridiculous people were over a LIVE and DANGEROUS animal. Nevertheless, it was a neat experience to see him in his natural habitat. I loved it, but I would've loved it more for both he and I if people just snapped a few pics and walked away quietly to leave him be. They were disturbing nature and it was somewhat heartbreaking. The revelation that came from that was even greater than I'd expected. After the hike, we spent that night having quiet time as well, this time it was a little easier and Jordan and I got to talk about some cool revelations that we both got.

The next morning, the morning to leave we stopped for breakfast on our way through Cherokee and back to home. We ate at this Log Cabin Pancake place. Unfortunately, we almost experienced death by freezer burned waffles and purple chocolate milk. It was probably the most repulsive experience of my life, but we had a good laugh. We drove through Cherokee and then on to Asheville where we met up with the lovely Jada Parker and had a two hour long dinner with her. It was good to see a friendly face and eat fantastic burritos!

Like I said, I still haven't processed everything. God revealed a lot on this trip about myself, my future, my dreams and the things that he has for me. I'm excited, a little nervous and all together rested and relaxed. It was a needed trip at the perfect time. I think there's definitely a time for all of us to do this, just to get away. Let go of the distractions, noises, technology, worries and just focus in on what the Lord is trying to say and do in our lives. I'm thankful that he gave us a wonderful opportunity, full of laughs, funny people and exciting revelations.

“Adventure must start with running away from home” --William Bolitho

2010-06-20T13:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you remember, but in my "adventure seeking" post I said: These next few weeks are going to be about adventure for me. I don't know how or what, but I'm going to do SOMETHING adventurous. Dont' worry, I'll post when that happens. :)

Talk about a post of prophecy or perhaps i'm just getting around to fulfilling a desire. Regardless of why, the time has finally come! Tomorrow, Jordan and I are waking up early and embarking on an adventure. We're taking a 5 hour trip up into the mountains and staying in a little camping cabin. We're "roughing it" or at least in our opinions. We are getting away from all the comforts of home. No big ole comfy beds, tvs, computers, radios, ipods or anything. Two girls, two bibles, two journals, some spiritual books and two hearts ready to seek what God has next for our lives. Needless to say we're overly excited and eagerly awaiting the morning to come. We're expecting big things, needed things...we're also excited about relaxing for the first time in a while.

SO, adventure, here we come! We're going to also be doing maybe some hiking and sight seeing. We plan to go look at some waterfalls and stuff too! It's going to be BEAUTIFUL! I cannot wait! I will post stories, revelations and pictures when I return on Wednesday! Love you all!

“We may run, walk, stumble, drive, or fly, but let us never lost sight of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way.”

books, laziness and blahness.

2010-06-17T14:52:00.000-07:00

Hello readers. Forgive my lack in blogging. I guess I could make up some excuse about being super busy and blah blah blah, but all that would just be lies. Yesterday was busy, no doubt about that and full of a lot of stuff, but the rest of this week has been pretty BLAH. In the midst of my blahness, I figured I would blog and say a few things going on in my life/head.

I'm scared. Summer has come quickly and will leave even more quickly. I'm scared out of my mind about what is going to happen and what I need to do, but I'm trusting. Oh, but it's hard, it's so hard.

I'm a little frustrated because things this week are NOT going like I'd planned. I know I'm most likely over-reacting, but nevertheless I guess it's hard when you make and effort and it is not appreciated. Story of my life. Oh well.

LAUREN IS ENGAGED! Lauren, (for those of you who don't know) is my cousin and one of my best friends! I am absolutely SOO excited for her! She and Luke are so precious and are going to have a beautiful wedding and marriage! I'm so so happy for them!

Jordan is cooking for me right now. I greatly appreciate it, she knows that I'm starving to death and I love her for being so motherly to me and making me dinner. Do I have a great sister or what?

A tip for you guys: internet games are addicting, don't start playing them! I've been taking so much time playing games online, this is not healthy.

I need to start reading again. I just finished "Peculiar Treasures" by Robin Jones Gunn and it was great! I really liked the story line! I need to finish "Love Starts With Elle" by Rachel Hauck. I'm also in the middle of "Desire" by John Eldredge and OH MAN, it's AWESOME! I recommend that book to ANYONE and EVERYONE! It will inspire you beyond belief! I may do a little review or something soon! Anyway, hope you are all well!

Love,

Ashlin

thou hast coveted... so now what?

2010-06-11T07:55:00.000-07:00

Well, to start off I woke up to realize someone had hacked my e-mail and sent out a strange e-mail to my address book. GREAT. Whatever, I'm just not even going to worry about that.

I also woke up (before the e-mail incident) with several things happening and with tons of thoughts running through my head. These last few days it seems I have been attacked in WEIRD ways. It's kind of things that NEVER happen to me. I haven't understood anything at all. Then I started to think about the root of all evil. The Bible says "The love of money is the root of all evil" (1 Timothy 6:10). Obviously, if the Bible says it then it's true. I couldn't help but ask God though "How is it not jealousy and envy?" Isn't that why people love money? Because they are jealousy and envious of things that other people have. Doesn't almost EVERY sin come out of a place of jealousy? Then I saw this verse "For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." (James 3:16) I think I believe that more today than ever before. I think we're so consumed by not having what we want, sometimes we can do things we never even thought. I'm guilty of it myself. We catch ourselves on the "big" sins (murder, adultery, etc.) and say "oh gosh, i'd NEVER do that." But wouldn't we? Wouldn't we cross some pretty big lines to get what we don't have that we SO desperately want? I don't know if all of us would go that far... but some of us go to the lengths of other things. It might be hurting our best friend, rebelling against our parents, stealing, cheating...and plenty more. Didn't the first sins come from jealousy and wanting what we couldn't have? Eve was JEALOUS of God. She wanted to be more like him...so she listened to the serpent. Cain wanted the approval that God gave to Abel. He killed his own brother out of jealousy. Where you have envy and selfish ambition you will find EVERY evil practice. So, how do we move out of this? How do we STOP? How do we refrain from taking it out on people who might have something we want. Can we make ourselves stop wanting it?

I know this, we make our choices. We make our beds, so now we have to lie in them. Some things we don't get a choice about, I know. We can't change our families, our financial situations, or many of our circumstances, but we can change our desire. It's not easy, so don't think I'm saying that it is. Really, take a good look at your desires (the ones that make you SUPER jealous of others...) Why is that happening? Have you done something to make that occur? Is it something you can't change? If it's something you can't change...then realize this: God gave you what he knew you could handle. TRUST him, seek him, love him and he'll make a way. He'll show you how to be content in ALL circumstances. If it's something you've done....deal with it. Get rid of the problem, get rid of the guilt and choose to move forward. You will do none of us any good by living in the slime of guilt.

Also, I think this: Think of the people you've envied, think of the people involved in those situations and take a look at your actions. Have you hurt them? Have your envious words hurt them? Most times you have and maybe without realizing it.

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures (James 4:1-3)

Fighting, quarreling, making snarky comments...it won't get you what you want. Contrary to the lie that the Enemy says it won't get it for you. He tells you "If you want something...take it! They don't deserve it any more than you do! Go get it!" It sounds like pretty much every "inspirational" movie in America. I'm not saying you can't go after things you want....YES, you can. But if it's in the hands of someone else, it's not your RIGHT to touch it. Grabbing it or reaching for it...won't get it for you! You have not, because you do not ask God! He is the one who GIVES ALL. When you do ask, it's with wrong motives (not for his Glory, but for YOURS!). I'm guilty. Throw up the black stone, Judge 'cause I am guilty as charged. I'm telling you to take a look at all the things you think you REALLY want. What makes you want them? How have you tried to get them? Why don't you think you have them? Stop comparing yourselves to your friends, your family, the girl in your dorm or the man next door. Take a step back and ask yourself about what YOU really desire and what YOUR motives have been. Bring THOSE things to the Lord and ask him to help you lay them down. Ask him to place his desires FOR YOU inside of you. Ask him to create pure motives in you. Ask him to make you content with what you have and happy for those who have more or something you'd like. Ask him to change you and your circumstances from the INSIDE OUT. Let him change your heart, your desires, motives, thoughts and plans and then he will begin to change your circumstances and give you HIS ways.

Running Down The Aisle.

2010-06-04T15:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Jordan and I went shopping for a bridal shower gift at Target. When this adventure started off we were poking and checking everything on the registry sheet. I was being slow and trying to decide what I thought would be the best gift. About halfway through the list we came across an item that we had no idea what it was. We decided to head over about 10 aisles and figure it out. Once arriving we were picking it up and deciding whether it would be a good purchase.

In the midst of our deciding a cheery blonde lady called out to us, "are you buying for (insert bride's name here)?"

We stopped and looked at each other and then looked to the lady. "Yeah."

She smiled graciously, "Oh, well I've already picked that up, but you can have it if you'd like."

I obviously wasn't about to raid this woman's shopping cart so we refused her offer and decided to move on.

Jordan and I found another item that we thought would be great, but we knew that wrapping it would be a nightmare. There was no way to find a box big enough for this thing! So, then I set off to find something else instead. Walking back through, I spotted a lady from our church who I knew was buying for the same bride.

I called out hello to her in a chippery voice, but wasn't feeling so chippery. This was one more person we had to beat and compete to get a good gift. She smiled and talked about how she was having trouble finding a gift that was easy to wrap. Join the club.

When she walked away to continue her quest, we overheard a young woman with her cute baby in tow talking about her purchase on the phone. "Well, they're registered at Bed Bath and Beyond too."

Jordan and I stopped and turned to each other. As our mouths dropped open, Jordan dramatically squeals, "She's here for them too!!"

I moaned and gripped the handles on my cart. I was determined to get a good gift and one that could be wrapped because Jordan had found PERFECT wrapping paper for $1.00. I swerved the buggy down the next aisle and took off at an impressive speed. On our way, we spotted a couple walking around with a registry in their hand as well, pointing at gifts that we had already seen. At this point we became paranoid and started to wonder if everyone invited to the wedding was shopping in Target at this EXACT moment.

We stopped at another aisle and then another, still in a panic to find something. A few minutes into our search the lady from our church came prancing back through. "OH, I found the perfect gift! This is just what I was looking for." It was big, it was nice, it was expensive.

Jordan and I looked at each other in disbelief. Would we ever find the perfect gift in this ridiculous race? We decided to take off, we couldn't give up just yet!

Finally, after running halfway through the store we arrived at our next destination. The aisle was blocked with carts, so I sprinted to the other end and turned on two wheels at the other end. When I stopped to catch my breath, I looked up to see the first blonde lady smiling and holding the gift I was racing to find. It was the perfect gift and packaged so that it would be super easy to wrap. "Looking for this?" She smiled cunningly, as if she too felt the pressure of this race. I just found myself exploding in laughter. Could this really be happening?

She looked into our cart and then back up. She then approached us, "I just needed something that would fit inside the first gift I picked up."

Jordan moved a little closer. "We were looking for something we could wrap with this perfect wrapping paper." She held up the paper and the woman nodded, "That is perfect."

She sat the gift in my cart. "Here, take this."

I looked up at her, shocked and in awe. "What? Are you sure?"

She nodded, only looking a little disappointed.

Jordan held up the first gift we had considered that was much too large to wrap. "We were going to get this, but it'd be too hard to wrap."

The blonde lady had a twinkle in her eye. "So, you're not getting it now?"

We shook our heads no and all three of us had the same realization. It would fit perfectly inside of the first gift she picked up. She reached down toward it, "Trade?"

I nodded and threw a victorious fist into the air. "Yes, this is perfect! Thank you!"

She smiled and looked just as ecstatic as I felt.

Jordan grabbed my arm. "We have to hurry! Other people could be purchasing this right now! There are about a billion people in here buying for the same people. What if they purchase it before us?"

I couldn't let that happen. So, we took off running and found the shortest line. I threw the gift up there and heaved the registry list at the cashier. I slouched in relief as I heard the "ding" of her scanner. We had gotten it.

Jordan then lifted the perfect wrapping paper. "I don't think this is wide enough for our gift."

It was true. The perfect paper would not be wide enough to wrap this gift. It was one of those rolls that was only about half the width of a normal roll. We decided to put it up and get some at Walmart.

Jordan and I held our heads high as we marched out of Target in victory. We had gotten a great gift and a great price! We had been at least a runner-up in the bizarre bridal buying bonanza!

We spent the next two hours looking for wrapping paper. After about ten stores, we resolved that our luck had come to it's end. There was no good wrapping paper to be found, and the only thing suitable was $4.00! We decided to shrug it off and head home. We will continue our wedding gift adventures another day. Be sure, if anything remotely crazy happens on our next outing like it did at Target, I'll be sure to let you know.

Oh, and don't worry. I'll make sure to top this off with spiritual justification. Even Paul encouraged a little bit of competition with these kinds of things ;)

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.-1 Corinthians 9:24

Untitled Confusion

2010-05-30T19:14:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say that all of us go through confusing times or seasons. It's true, all humans have a point when they sit back and think to themselves, "What is happening with my life?" I think I'm in this season. Normally though, when I am in a season like this I can look to others for advice and/or guidance. What's really difficult is when the people around you shrug and say, "I don't understand it either, kid." It's frustrating and it takes a great amount of diligent seeking. Unfortunately, patience and diligent seeking aren't my strongest points in life. I'm trying really hard, but I feel like every time I reach a small point of breakthrough, something absolutely ridiculous happens.

I also think it's beyond safe to say that the ridiculousness that has become my life has gone on for far too long now. I think it's time to take control, you know? I don't mean take control in the non-christian way (which means...taking control and not "letting go & letting God") but more so in the "God has given me a brain, a voice and a purpose.. it's time to put it to good use!" kind of way. Today opened up my eyes more than almost any other day of my life. Perhaps it was because it was the end of a huge chapter it my life or perhaps because it wasn't when I prayed it would be. I can't exactly explain all of that right now, I just know that God is going to really have to lay this one out for me because I am stumbling around all over the place.

You know what strikes me as odd about my life? I can run and run fast from things that I don't want to face or deal with. I think what's crazy is that normally, God lets me get away with it. Unfortunately and for whatever reason, God does not seem to be letting me run anymore and honestly, I'm a little frustrated about it. If ever there was a time to let me run, I would most certainly think it would be now. I guess my thoughts and God's thoughts are just even more distant than I realized. I keep thinking about this day last summer. I was in Mooresville at a precious friends house and I remember undergoing this crazy break down and if I recall, that's when all of this began. It's like that breakdown was the first in this series of well, whatever this is. It was like for some reason that was the start, I don't know what was unleashed or unbound during that trip...but something happened. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am at a complete loss and not understanding life or anything about it today.

What am I learning from all of this? Live. There's no way to change what's happened, but you can do something about what is happening right now. Love. Whatever you decide to do, however you decide to "take control", do it in love. I have seen that it truly can move mountains. Laugh. Laugh when all is seriously going to crap and you can't believe what you're seeing with your own eyes. Somehow, you must choose to believe that God sees it and has a plan, even if it seems insane and impossible.

Farewell Jack Shephard

2010-05-25T10:19:00.000-07:00

I don't really know where to begin this blog. I suppose I'll start off with LOST. As you all know, the series finale was on Sunday. Unfortunately, due to a huge lack of sleep, I missed it...but I did watch it on Monday though. Needless to say, I wept a few tears, said a few "huh? and oh my gosh's" and in the end felt terribly sad to have Jack walk out of my life. I think it was a decent series finale though. I caught up on it the DAY before the finale....it was crazy, I can't believe I had timing that was so perfect. Anyway, I think the worst part about a series finale is you feel like you are losing people you know. You become so attached to these characters and then suddenly they disappear and bring nothing new to your life. I don't know why I put myself through that month after month and year after year...but I do.

Today is a day of profound thought...or at least that is what i'm hoping. Tomorrow is senior night at youth and all of us seniors are supposed to share something wise with the younger ones. We're supposed to talk about big and important things the Lord has taught us in our short 18 years. The Lord has taught me so much, yes, but I don't know what to choose to talk about. When given an opportunity to share the most important things...I can't seem to figure out what to say. I kind of feel like I'm about to share my 18 years of legacy. I feel like this is something they're supposed to remember about me and carry with them. No pressure, right? I am just praying the Lord will give me revelation about what to say and remind me of all the wonderful things he's done for me. I will update and let you all know what I decided on.

Tonight is GLEE and the season finale of Parenthood. I'm excited, obviously. Oh and big insert ...my sister is home from college! So, this adds a little spice to my somewhat bland of a life. We always have fun and I can't wait to see what adventures we're going to have.

Season Finales for BONES and Grey's Anatomy.

2010-05-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

}First, let me start off and say that we should all be thankful I'm still here. I literally almost fainted and had an anxiety attack during the Grey's Anatomy season finale. I found myself screaming the entire time "DON'T DIE! PLEASE DON'T DIE!" about several people in the episode. I was squeezing Mother's hand like it was happening to people I actually knew. I think we were both freaking out a little too much..

The BONES season finale just ticked me off. It was absolutely absurd! I cannot believe how they just keep dragging this nonsense ON AND ON! Just get to the good stuff already, i'm tired of five seasons worth of the same ole thing. Seriously, it's time to just let Booth and BONES be together!

I'm close to finishing LOST and hopefully I will before the series finale. INSANE, I know! I've watched almost all 6 seasons in about eleven days. I can't believe the series finale is happening and we'll finally get some answers. This stuff is SERIOUSLY crazy, I can't handle it...my brain almost isn't big enough to contain it all.

I felt like I was getting sick earlier today, but thankfully I think maybe it's getting better. Hopefully, I'll be able to have fun this weekend and next upcoming week since my sister is FINALLY going to be home! Let summer festivities begin!!! I'm excited, truly. God has done some cool things these past few days and I'm excited to see what else is in store. Life is going well...and don't worry, i'm still up for my adventure, I just haven't found it yet. ;)

adventure seeking

2010-05-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

Neil Patrick Harris was on Glee tonight. I almost experienced death by high note at the end of "Dream On." I had no idea a man could have range like that. I was so shocked I almost went into cardiac arrest.

I've been having these moments lately where I'm thinking, "This is a really stupid idea." It cracks me up because I love those moments. It's in those moments that I take a crazy risk and see crazy results. I think I'm becoming an adrenaline junkie. I love those moments where you dive into something and have no idea what to expect, I love that rush of excitement. So, that's what I'm doing these days, taking risks. They don't always turn out like I hope, but they turn out and that's all that really matters to me.

These next few weeks are going to be about adventure for me. I don't know how or what, but I'm going to do SOMETHING adventurous. Dont' worry, I'll post when that happens. :)

Just the random things of my life....

2010-05-13T15:06:00.000-07:00

It's about time for an update. There's not really a lot to update about though. First off, I need to clean my room. I also need to do about ten years worth of laundry. I figure I might get around to it sometime before July. I haven't moved out of my bed all day. I'm not proud of it, but it's just the facts.

I had ants in my room. I was about to have an overgrown cow when I started looking up remedies on the internet. Apparently, black pepper gets rid of ants. I sprinkled it in my room and I have yet to see another ant. I could not be happier about that.

As for a current update on television, I am into LOST right now. I just started last week and I'm already on season 3. It's a little different, but I'm a JJ Abrams fan, so of course I love it. I think my favorite character is John Locke. I know this won't surprise anyone since he would probably be considered "the old man." Shut up, old people are just better. They know more, they're cuter and they have sense. I also, of course, love Jack. He's ridiculously precious. (Almost to the point that it isn't realistic.) Nevertheless, I know they made him this way because they knew all us ladies would fall to pieces every time he opens his mouth. Also, Grey's Anatomy and BONES will be on tonight. They are both finally starting to get a little better and I am remembering why I like them.

As for my plans for the future....HA! I still have no idea what God is doing or WHY he is doing any of it, but it's okay. I'm trusting him and I know he's got this thing under control. He will show me what to do when the time is right. My least favorite part though is that when it comes to me...he absolutely LOVES making it last minute. I think he secretly giggles when he watches me spin out of control. Nevertheless, I still love him for it. It keeps me guessing and keeps me on my toes ;).

Mom asked me a really interesting question the other day. "If you had money and could do anything you wanted with your life...start any kind of business or something...what would you do?" I had no idea how to answer and then later gave an answer that was relatively accurate. The more I think about that question, the more I realize how many dreams I have. There are so many. I should probably write them down somewhere because even I tend to forget them! I guess I'm just going to be really interested to see how God combines all these things and puts them together in my life.

SO. I am going to get out of this bed for a little bit and do some cleaning. (You're probably shocked, I'm sure.) Maybe at some point in my life I'll have more to update about! Until then, Love!

no longer amish

2010-05-06T13:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had to go to Monkeezbrew. Not because I wanted a cup of coffee (although I did indulge once I arrived). I went because the foolish people next door rolled their insanely large mack truck into the parking lot and ripped a power line down. Therefore, we had NO cable, no phone and no internet. That ticked me off for several reasons, but one because it was Thursday and I missed my shows! I was not happy about this, not one little bit! I am going to watch them today, but nevertheless I had to live like an amish person for 24 hours. It was super annoying!

I did get to watch Glee though before all of that happened and it was actually really good. Matthew Morrison rapping and dancing to "Ice baby" just made life a little sweeter. I also watched October Sky the other day. It was my favorite movie as a kid, but it has been years since I've seen it. I watched it the other night and now I recall why it was my favorite. I mean it has Jake Gyllenhaal in it, need I say more? I bought it online after that and it should arrive soon.

I'm trying to get into this show called Mercy. I'm only two episodes in so far, but it's not half bad. We'll see it how it goes the more I watch. I think I'm obsessed with tv shows. I love them. I just want to watch tv series all the time. I wish I had a more beneficial hobby....like running marathons. Oh well.

So, I'm back at square one trying to figure out my future....it's not easy and I am in need of some serious prayer. I know God will show me in his timing and as I learned yesterday, his timing is a lot cooler than mine. He brings his plans about when you need them.

lazy day update.

2010-05-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

Today is supposed to be lazy day, but I'm taking time to write this blog. Wednesday through Sunday was my church's conference. Every day 8:30 until almost midnight. Needless to say, I have been absolutely EXHAUSTED. It was such a great conference though and God did some unspeakably cool things. I can't wait to see what he's going to do in the next few weeks. I am really glad to have been able to go, it was great! Anyway, that's the reason why today is officially my lazy day. I have to have some recuperation time.

I'm also starting back my health kick today. Over the past week I have eaten terribly, especially at the conference. It was muffins, m&ms, pepsi, mexican food, cinnamon rolls and everything else that isn't close to being healthy. After a week long of mulling over my guilt, i'm going to get back on my health kick.

It's cloudy, my stomach is growling and i'm once again getting super tired. So, I am going to continue my lazy day. I will update later this week when I am no longer being lazy.

Tv, Movies and The Decline of Blonde People.

2010-04-27T18:33:00.001-07:00

Here are my tv/movie thoughts for the past month or so! Hope you enjoy :)

Tonight was a new episode of Glee. Gotta admit, it wasn't my favorite. The whole Kurt/Finn thing kinda freaked me out a little bit.... but such is life. Glee isn't normally the kind of show I would like, so I find it interesting that I actually like it. I'm not sure what it is about it that I like. I like Matthew Morrison, of course, but who wouldn't? I like the music as well, but obviously my favorite part is Sue Sylvester. She cracks me up every time she opens her mouth. I know she's cruel, but she's 100% hilarious. I think Glee brings something completely different to the table. I also have no doubt that they picked up on the fact that musicals are a big thing right now. Good for FOX...milk it while you can! I wasn't happy to see April back though, good Lord that woman gets on my last nerve! I say we keep her off. I'm ready for some good stuff to start happening. They need to bring a little more drama in. Let's all cross our fingers for a better episode next week.

Parenthood is one of my new favorite shows. Granted, I know I'm not a parent and thank God, I have a few years before I have to take that task on. I just love the family conflicts, they're pretty interesting. It also goes without saying that anything Lauren Graham stars in is probably going to be worth watching. Gilmore Girls is an all time favorite, so I had to get into Parenthood. So far, I think that Adam is my favorite character. I really admire the way he keeps his entire family together. It's a quality I wish I had. :) I feel like the entire cast is great, they all work well together! It's already been renewed for Season 2, so that leaves me with some peace that it's not going to get cancelled out of the middle of nowhere like The Deep End did.

Honestly though, I wasn't too devastated about The Deep End. ABC tends to come up with some off the wall shows that don't do well, so it wasn't surprising in the least that it was cancelled after 6 episodes. Grey's Anatomy is finally coming back with a new episode. It's been I don't even know how many weeks since a new one. It's about time! Honestly, I'm ready for them to pick up some drama or something, it's been getting boring. I couldn't even bring myself to watch last week's BONES. I'm SO bored with it! It was one of my all time favorites, but after I saw that they're just going to let this Booth/Bones chemistry drag on and on I just got sick of it and said "NO MORE!" The first few seasons were so good, I'm not sure what's happening lately, it's getting to the point of sheer frustration. Thank God, Lie To Me is returning in June! I'm ready for it too! I'm ready for something that is actually intriguing and with a story line that MOVES!

As for movies, there have been quite a few lately that are worth watching. One of my new favorites of all time, that I will no doubt buy and watch a hundred times is Leap Year. Matthew Goode and Amy Adams are a riot! I laughed my butt off and also felt a few tears at times. It was the perfect combination! It's definitely one for Romcom fans to check out! I guarantee you that you will NOT be disappointed! I was shocked at how little I've heard about this movie though, it's so great! Anyway..moving on!

Alright, I have to do it! I have to insert The Last Song. Now, the movie doesn't even begin to compare with the book. Then again, what movie every really does? I was thoroughly impressed by the book and yet still somewhat attached to the movie. Now, I know that anyone over the age of twelve with half a brain would say, "Miley Cyrus? Thanks, but no thanks." I can't say I disagree with you. I know she has some qualities that can be labeled annoying, but nevertheless she's a decent actress and she did relatively well for the part. Of course, Liam Hemsworth was precious and left us all asking at the end of the movie, "Really? That precious guy is dating Miley in real life?" It's still a mystery to me. Anyway, the movie left out a lot of key elements, in my opinion, but still it wasn't terrible. Now, ask a guy and he might would say something different. I'd say for anyone in the 13-25 range, you'd enjoy it!

Now, here's a genuine surprise! Remember Me. I saw the trailer for this movie and almost gagged. Everyone knows I'm not the biggest Robert Pattinson fan, but this movie just looked terrible. Even Jordan, who loves him was like,"It's going to be a terrible movie, but i'll see it anyway." I was pleasantly surprised at how this movie wasn't terrible! It was actually NOTHING like I expected it to be! It had depth, shock, intrigue...it had pretty much everything I thought it would lack! I was crazy surprised and somewhat blown away that Robert Pattinson could play in something exceptionally moving. Surprising as this may be, I can admit when I'm wrong and I was wrong to pre-judge this movie. It's worth seeing.

Last, but certainly not least is Letters to Juliet. This movie is currently on my list of "Movies to See." It comes out May 14, and I can't wait! I feel like it's going to be super cute and something I'll enjoy. It's a different kind of story and that's EXACTLY what I like to see. I'm also somewhat becoming a fan of Amanda Seyfried! I think this movie is going to be worth the $9.00 I'll spend on it, as well as the $9.00 I'll spend in gas to get to the theatre! The trailer looks darling and of course we must value that there are two blonde people in this movie. Blonde people are sadly going extinct. I seriously believe that probably by 2030, there will be only a few of them left. Brunettes are beginning to dominate, so we best enjoy this blonde romance while we can! We also must encourage it, perhaps if more blonde people get together they can reproduce and rebuild the declining population of blondes. Mm, then again, i'm not sure if that would be a good thing or not.

Well, these are my current thoughts. Take them at face value, but also check out these shows and movies on your own. If you have reason to argue...I dare say, argue! This is just me: "SPEAKING AS A COMPLETELY OBJECTIVE THIRD PARTY OBSERVER WITH ABSOLUTELY NO PERSONAL INTEREST IN THE MATTER... "

Love!

chances are waiting to be taken....

2010-04-24T23:19:00.000-07:00

This weekend started off interesting. Mom and Dad skipped town to visit the eldest of their children and I was left to fend for myself. Luckily, my cooking and cleaning skills are top notch, so everything went without a hitch. ;) I cooked a delicious alfredo sauce and poured it over penne. A salad and some bread tied it all together and it was all just perfect. Later that night I had some midnight pancakes, which i also made myself. I was becoming quite the little Martha Stewart. I woke up relatively early and went into Helping Hands. Today was my day to volunteer! It was so great being there and praying with people, it was awesome! Then my little piece of bliss ended when the parents returned home, but of course I love them and wasn't TOO bummed to see them ;). I'm glad to see they had a good time! So, then I went and saw Remember Me with a few friends. I didn't think I would like it AT ALL, but it was actually decent. I'm not going to lie, it was COMPLETELY different than what I expected. I thought it was a great story though. Tonight, I've just hung around the house and spent time with the parents, they're pretty great. As for tomorrow, it looks like it's going to be a busy busy day! :) I'm excited because the Grims from Mexico are here and will be speaking at church! I can't tell you how wonderful it will be to have them here! I feel like tomorrow is going to be the day that things in life begin to shift and I start to see some breakthrough. At least, I'm believing it by faith!! I hope you all had a great weekend!

Love!

alphabetical venting.

2010-04-18T20:02:00.000-07:00

I would like to say that today consisted of about 15 million things it shouldn't have. I just want to list a few points for all of those people out there who lack common sense. To be honest, i cannot imagine how you've survived this long.

a) if your skirt has a slit in it up to your waist...don't pull it apart and get surprised when your butt hangs out. then don't be surprised when i get a face like i'm going to toss my din din. i'm sorry, but i can't imagine what provokes a person to do something that insane in the mcdonalds parking lot.

b) if you are a guy...do not think that by yelling out of your rusty/raggedy truck window "hey baby....@#$(@*#$(* (insert inappropriate words)" like some grungy redneck that you're going to get a reaction. do you expect me to get out of my car at the stoplight and hop in your manure covered ride? come on....what are these county schools teaching you fools?

c) don't flip your nappy hair at me and make a smart alec comment and get that "OMG" face like you don't understand why i don't want to go "chill" with you. your cold heart is just a little TOO chilly for this girl...

d) if you are going to hammer....hammer at a steady, unwavering beat... do not do two taps that could not flatten a marshmallow and then start banging the nail like you are angry at it for not going in and start beating the blessed thing until it feels like my home is in an earthquake. it's not the nail's fault, sir.

e) if you are 40...then you are not 16. i'm sorry to blow that crap wide open.

f) why, yes! i do want to listen to ALL of your problems and not talk about anything i'm going through!! how did you know?

g) no one cares how obsessed you are with justin bieber...seriously, no one.

h) when you roll your eyes in public...people do see you.

i) i do not give a flying fart about your cafe, your farm, your mafia or your HUGZ, BEARS or HEARTS on facebook. do not send them to me; i do not want them.

j) at 17 you do not know everything (nor do you at 18...or 21..etc) don't overpower older, wiser people who actually have something to say that is worthy of hearing.

k) if i buy something....at least buy it in a different color. i do not want to be barbie's best friend Kim or whatever her name was... i don't want to be matchy-matchy. it's not cute.

l) being white and acting gangster isn't cool. it's just ridiculous. you grew up in a $200,000 house. don't tell me how hood you are, because the only hood you've seen is the one on the Ralph Lauren jacket you're wearing.

m) i have survived without an iphone...so yes, yes it's possible.

n) if you vote for a president..and don't like his decisions, that's pretty much your fault.

o) making a scene doesn't make you cool...it makes you 5.

p) they do make shirts that cover your future child's source for food... they make them, i promise.

q) I don't care what you're a fan of. I am so sick of 1,000,000 things that say ________ became a fan of i LoVe YoU* U mAkE mE sMiLe* ....you are ruining facebook for all of us.

r) I don't need to see 15 pictures of you from 15 different angles with your head sideways and your peace sign.

s) the word legit is not a word, it's an abbreviation.....it stands for legitimate! please use it in the correct context.

t) if your status says "hit me up" then expect me to smack you in the head, not call you.

u) if you run your inside jokes into the ground around people that weren't there to experience them...we're not going to laugh.

v) when you're going through a hard time and you use "fml" you just cursed your own life...don't be surprise if more crap comes your way.

w) SERIOUSLY, I do not want to waste my life quoting youtube videos with you.

x) congratulations, you got wasted this weekend and put your pictures on facebook. it must be good to be you.

y) if you facebook chat me...i'm not going to carry the conversation. if i wanted to do that, i would've chatted you first.

z) saying you're married to someone of the same sex on facebook is the reason why facebook started out for college people only. if you want us to assume your homosexual, then alright.

no offense intended. okay, that was a lie...maybe a little. i just wanted to vent. if you're offended, i'm sorry, i still love you.

This is so perfect for this EXACT moment.

2010-04-15T23:26:00.000-07:00

When you try your best, but you don't succeed

When you get what you want, but not what you need

When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone, but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below

When you're too in love to let it go

But if you never try you'll never know

Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face

When you lose something you cannot replace

Tears stream down on your face

And on your face I...

Tears stream down on your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Tears stream down on your face

And on your face I...

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

Depressing? Okay, maybe a little. BUT I don't know...something about it just resonates with me right now. I know, I cannot lose hope and I cannot let go of the promises of God. He is GOOD, he will ALWAYS be good and he has a plan :) goodnight.

:)

2010-04-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

First off, I missed Glee tonight. I can watch it online later though, so i'll get over it. Next order of business. I serve an awesome God. I am kicking myself in the face for ever doubting him. He is so good to me and I love him. He is my refuge and my strength and he does things that my mind cannot even comprehend. I love everything about him and I know that in spite of my stupid stupid stupid mistakes, he will make everything work together for my good. I can only say that he is an awesome God and he blows everything i can imagine out of the water. I am one blessed person!

Tomorrow is going to be a good day, I can feel it in my bones :) I serve an awesome God and I choose to get up and enjoy every second I get to spend with him.

it's tuesday!

2010-04-13T09:21:00.001-07:00

Rambling: So today is the day that the new Sean Mcconnell comes out. Problem being it's not on itunes so I had to order it. It ships out today, so i'll get it in a couple of days!! :) Also, GLEE comes back on tonight. I for one am freakin' excited, I am a huge Gleek! Other things are happening today, but you know....it's all chill. Mmhmm, yep sure enough. I don't know what i'm going to do for the next couple of hours, but i'll find something. I want all of you to know that I am super paranoid about my computer getting dirty. It happens with a white computer though. I'm thinking about investing in some kind of wipes or maybe a magic eraser? Anyway, just thought you should know. I really need to do laundry! It's piling up to the ceiling, but I am just far too lazy.

Now down to business:

I woke up this morning smelling my dad. Isn't that weird? I just kept laying there thinking, "why does it smell like Dad in here?" Then I had the craziest and I mean CRAZIEST revelation about it. God pretty much said..."Well, i'm your Father, but you don't identify a specific smell with me. You do have one that you identify your earthly Father. I wanted you to know that your Heavenly Father is all around you today. Every time you smell your Dad today, know that my touch is with you. I am with you in every breath you take and in every word you say." I know that is by far one of the strangest things to happen, but it means more to me than I know how to explain to you. God is with me and I know he is watching over me. At the most random times today, I get the biggest whiff of that scent and I know God is working! I am so thankful that he is next to me, I love him so much.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. I hope your day is full of the fragrance and touch of your Heavenly Father.

Ashlin

health, healing and happiness are coming :)

2010-04-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

So this weekend..I ruined my health kick. Not so much a surprise, but I do plan to start back tomorrow. Truthfully, I feel icky from eating all the crap... I couldn't even finish an entire milkshake today....which is monumental, that has never happened to me before.

I spent the weekend with some pretty amazing people, who I love a lot. Carly and I went back to our country roots and jammed in her car while blasting country music and wearing our cowboy hats! It made my life so much brighter. We ate at Panera Bread today, which let me just say is WAY overpriced, but whatever. Then everyone decided they wanted to go to the park. Which was fine, but I was determined to go buy pants/shorts before because who goes to the park in a skirt? Not me. I still don't know what was so amusing about my wanting pants? Eh, glad I could be of some amusement :)

Now, I'm going to shower, read and rest. I'm going to gear up for the upcoming week full of health, healing and happiness. There will be health (due to my health kick), healing (due to some things i can't really talk about right now... AND the fact that Jesus is doing a lot in me..) and happiness because of two things. GLEE is coming back on Tuesday...AND Sean McConnell's cd releases on Tuesday! A lot of good things are happening on Tuesday, which is so funny because Tuesdays are normally the WORST for me. It's time that changes though... :)

Anyway, hope you all had a GREAT weekend! I love you!

"sing me a song from the stars..."

2010-04-08T15:12:00.001-07:00

Today is day 4 of the health kick and it's getting a little easier and a little more difficult. The exercise was hard today. My calves are burning like you would not even believe. I'm learning to deal with the healthier choices though...and I feel good about them. I don't sit around feeling super guilty and worrying that i'm going to be 300 lbs.

I'm sitting on my porch again, but it's obvious a storm is going to come soon. It's still warm though and quite nice. Not to mention, without the sun shining it's soo much easier to see my laptop screen. I'm about to listen to Sean McConnell's new cd, "Saints, Thieves, Liars" in it's entirety! It's streaming live on KNBT! I'm so so excited! It's going to be one of the most exciting experiences! YAYYY! HERE IT COMES! IT'S STARTING NOW! I'm hoping the storm will hold off for a little longer so I can enjoy this cd out on the porch :)

I'm at a really good place in my life right now...and even though I'm stressing a little about some upcoming things, I know God has them in his hands! I also have a lot to pray about, which is just exciting in itself. GOD IS SO GOOD! I love him so very much!

BONES comes on tonight! I'm SOO excited! This is the 100th episode and supposedly what us BONES lovers have been waiting for!!! I hope i'm not disappointed! :)

love you all! have a blessed night!

relaxing

2010-04-07T12:25:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting outside on my porch, drinking lemonade and relaxing in the sun. It's seriously one of the most peaceful and wonderful things I've done in a long time.

I have been doing well on my health kick today. I haven't gone on my run yet, I normally go at sundown. I'm not sure if i'll be able to go tonight due to church. I was going to go at 7 this morning, but as I figured...it didn't happen. It's much too hot to run right now, hence why I am not running now. I guess I could go after church, but I would have to take my dad and walk. I may do that, I don't know yet.

Even though i'm sitting in one of the most peaceful places at one of the most beautiful times of year....I still have a little bit that isn't settled within me. I can't really disclose to the world why, but I know it must be taken care of. I usually don't lack boldness in the least, but today...I do. I'm just asking the Holy Spirit to give me the words and strength to do what I need to do. Ugh, unfortunately when I think about all of it....I want to regurgitate my sub from subway.

It's so cute, my dog is sprawled out on the porch with me and she looks so content as the wind blows in her face and she just relaxes. This is just a perfectly, truly wonderful moment. I should and will most definitely do this more often.

I hope all of you have a WONDERFUL Wednesday! :)

health kick-day 2

2010-04-06T20:23:00.000-07:00

So today was day 2 of my health kick...(if you didn't gather that from the title of this post) I feel very accomplished. I ate pretty light today and of course went running again. Running was a little bit easier today. You know my favorite thing about running? When people pass me they always give me that friendly/neighborly nod. It just makes my life better.

Speaking of my life being better. Today was a good day, for the most part. I had a lot of things released and I know the Lord is working on A LOT inside of me. It's refreshing and exciting! My cousin also came in and told me how much he loves and misses me (even though its only been 2 days since i've seen him). It just MADE MY DAY. I have decided you can NEVER be told you are loved enough. It's just like water to a dry desert of a soul.

Tomorrow, I'm planning to eat more. I didn't eat enough today and that's just not smart. Plus, my stomach is about to eat itself now that it's 11:26, but I am resisting! I will drink water....yuck.

Hope all of you had a great Tuesday! Love you all!

Monday's aren't all that bad...

2010-04-05T19:52:00.000-07:00

So, I'm not sure if you've ever met anyone named Ashlin besides me...(and no Ashlyns, Ashleys, Ashlands, etc. do not count). But I have discovered something, people named Ashlin are not commonly liked. I'm not sure what we have done to deserve this, but I just feel like that when people see the name "Ashlin" they immediately go..."hmmph, no thanks." Maybe I'm paranoid. According to a psychological test I took, I am 80% paranoid...(and thanks to that test 90% more self conscious!) Anyway, I just felt like you all should know this.

I am quite proud of myself. I woke up today and got a shower and went to the movies with Sarah. We saw "Why Did I Get Married Too". To be truthful, it wasn't NEARLY as good as the first one. Actually, I was quite disappointed. Then we went to Sunrise Grille and I had a chicken salad sandwich and a salad. It was beyond delicious, just incase you were wondering.

Afterwards, I came home and dug into Erynn Mangum's new book "Cool Beans". I just finished about 10 minutes ago. It was super cute and I was thoroughly impressed, as I always am with her stories. I recommend her books to all females, you will love them! Then I went for a run! I know, I know! I do not run or exercise, but I am turning over a new leaf, so we'll see how that goes! It felt super refreshing to actually know that I didn't sit on my bum all day.

Then my dog had an "accident" and decided to smear it's green remnants in the carpet, which I got the joy of cleaning up. Then, I flooded my nose with lethal amounts of Febreeze...which just adds to the allergy war the pollen outside is engaging my nose in.

I suppose now I will do a few things and hit the sack. I am going to attempt to wake up dangerously early and go to a Bible Study breakfast. If I make it, I'm probably going to reward myself with something life changing...especially if I do that AND run tomorrow. I might reward myself with a Patrick Dempsey or Jonny Lee Miller movie. ;)

Goodnight!

"Knightley, save me..I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you, but you never come."

2010-04-03T12:52:00.001-07:00

Today, we are watching Emma....yes, again. I think Jordan did this to me to make me want to cry. Jonny Lee Miller is by far the most amazing Knightley (in my opinion, that is). Watching him on screen makes me greatly wish he were the same off screen (and about 15 years younger). I'm quite fond of Rupert Evans as well, but he is certainly no Miller. You know what else I was thinking? Why is everything about Romeo? There are songs written about him every 5 minutes and he is the center of attention. Why doesn't anyone write songs about Knightley? What was Taylor Swift thinking when she wrote Love Story? It should've been about Knightley. Maybe she's just never seen Emma; perhaps, I should tweet her about that.

Back to my point.. I'm miserable with grief watching this! It makes me want to runaway to vegas... which also introduces the problem, who would I run with? hmmm....such is my sad life! :)

Enough whining for today, now I'm moving on to other randomness that will probably not interest you. I'm reading "The Last Song" and well, it's okay so far. I enjoyed the movie, but I have a feeling the book is probably much more detailed. I have to say, I love Nicholas Sparks' stories, but not so much his style of writing; but, who am I to criticize one of the most successful writers of this time? I am also waiting on the new Erynn Mangum book, "Cool Beans" to arrive in the mail. It should be here by Monday! I can't wait! I absolutely loved her Lauren Holbrook series, so I can't wait to go on a new adventure with a new character of hers.

Insert a side note as I watch Emma: Mr. Elton gets on my LAST nerve. He is the embodiment of a few people I know and oh, he just gets under my skin. I want to throw him on his not so royal rump!

Alright, well I'm off to enjoy Emma and hang out with my dog and sister! Much Love and HAPPY EASTER! He has risen....if nothing else, even if you're depressed about not having your Knightley...just rejoice because HE is alive and he loves you.

You Had To Be There

2010-04-02T18:54:00.000-07:00

1. Put Your ipod on Shuffle (or playlist for me haha)
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it makes you look.

Just for fun...

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY"?
"Miserable at Best" Mayday Parade

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
"Temporary Home" Carrie Underwood

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"Fire and Rain" Mat Kearney

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"If you're reading this" Tim Mcgraw

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Lovesick Mistake" Erin McCarley (hahaha)

WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT?
"Why Georgia?" John Mayer

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Here We Go" Mat Kearney

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"American Living" Rascal Flatts

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Songs Like This" Carrie Underwood

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"There's Your Trouble" Dixie Chicks (ha!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?"
"Keep On" Tyler Hilton (hmm..prob not! haha)

WHAT WILL YOU HAVE YOUR FIRST DANCE TO?
"Rockferry" Duffy (no, thanks)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?
"The Mixed Tape" Jacks Mannequin

WHAT WILL THE NAME OF THIS NOTE BE?
"You Had to Be There" Tim Mcgraw

I have been blessed.

2010-03-27T15:57:00.000-07:00

Today is all about blessings. Seriously, I am so beyond blessed and today is a day that I truly see it and am thankful beyond what words could ever express.

After the day I had yesterday with some kids who I truly think are the sweetest in the world, I am so thankful for everything God has given me and I am thankful for my parents!

Also, I'm extremely thankful for this mac that I am using right now. Jesus knew that I needed a new computer! He provided an AMAZING one for an AMAZING price!! I couldn't be more grateful! I'm super excited and I LOVE HIM sooo much!

I just wanted to say...take time to look around at all the things God has given you. Have you thanked him today? Have you told him how grateful you are to have food, clothes, shelter, a computer, a car? Give him GLORY! He is SO very worthy.

Love,

Ashlin

Spring has Sprung!

2010-03-25T05:48:00.000-07:00

I'm up at 8:45. This never happens. Actually, I was up at 6:15, which seriously NEVER happens. My morning started off with breakfast with one of my favorite people of all time and has now continued by reading up on random celeb gossip and enjoying some John Mark Mcmillan.

Yesterday was the start of spring cleaning. It was good and much needed, but absolutely EXHAUSTING. I am just glad that my portion of it is over and I can now rest and feel like I accomplished something! I have to get to work on these millions of labels today, so that too will be exhausting.

New episode of Grey's tonight! I'm pumped because there wasn't one last week and I was super bummed out about it!

I keep getting distracted from this update...so I will just end it! :) Hope you all have an awesome Thursday!

Hello...my name is Ashlin and I'm a fix-a-holic.

2010-03-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

I feel like by writing this I'm imitating a person at an AA meeting or something. Sadly, all I'm about to write is true, but admitting it is the first step..............right?

So, I'm a fix-a-holic. I want to fix, fix, fix. I'm not like the typical person who wants to fix. I HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH FIXING. If I am not in control of a situation to the point where I can fix it... I go bizerk and I lose my mind, my keys, my sleep, my happiness and everything else. I sit in front of a tv for hours and hours watching Grey's Anatomy weeping. Seriously. In a current situation I'm dealing with, I've been sitting back saying "I can't fix this...I won't fix this... I can't." WELL...I did!!! Or I tried to, or something. Then it hits me....I don't really care if it's fixed. I feel like an alcoholic who just threw their beer in a trashcan. I'm staring down in the can in shock and thinking to myself "What if i want it later? should i just store it away? that stuff is dang expensive...etc." I am not saying I'm cured, I'm not even saying I'm necessarily happy about my decision. Before I know it.. I could be downing another bottle of "fix" tomorrow. All I know is that tonight, I do not want it to be fixed. I don't want it to be broken... but I don't want to fix it. In fact, I don't really care either way.

I just want God to give me what he wants for me. I just want to be happy and well...all the CRAP (yes, crap) that goes along with this situation DOESN'T make me happy. I don't know what I want right now other than Jesus to give me what he wants me to have. When I try to get what I want... I just get a fix-it hangover (which are probably just as bad as a real one...but I wouldn't know.)

My point is....I am not in control and I don't really care. If I get EVERYTHING I ever wanted that's great...if not, then I'll take whatever is handed to me. What other option do I have anyways?

Now, i'm going fo fill out 12349234239123423498 labels and watch the news to see what happens with this healthcare catastrophe. God, help those people...they are all a bunch of fix-a-holics too...which is probably why I want to go into govt./law of some kind...birds of a feather, right?

washed by his blood.

2010-03-16T22:07:00.000-07:00

I just wanted you all to know.. I hate doing the dishes. It is one of the only things about cleaning I TRULY hate. It's strange though, because it seems like every time I am in the middle of washing dishes a peace comes over me. It's like everything else tunes out except me and Jesus and the soapy dishes. Almost every time I do the dishes.. I get some kind of revelation from the Lord. Maybe I should do them more often.

Tonight my dad handed me this absolutely horrific dog bowl to take to Jordan who started out doing the dishes. It was beyond disgusting. Jordan got this look on her face like "Yeah...NOT gonna happen." Something in me switched gears and I had this crazy urge to wash this bowl. I then volunteered to do the dishes and started realizing something. I began to realize that when washing my dishes, my "favorite" dishes to wash are the dirtiest and most disgusting ones. I get some kind of strange joy out of watching them go from stained and gooped up to sparkly and clean. It's the weirdest thing. Then I started to remember when I was a kid and I LOVED playing in the mud. There was some kind of fascination about taking a bath and seeing all the mud and dirt come off and seeing myself become "sparkly and clean". I was laughing about this tonight as I was washing this horrific dog bowl and as I laughed, all of the background noise began to fade out and I began to hear the voice of the Lord. He spoke to me and told me how this strange joy and excitement I get about these random things...are qualities of his. I stood for a minute, curious, wondering what he would say next. Then he began to explain about how much joy he gets taking a dirty sinner and cleaning them up. He loves watching all the mud and grime run off and fall to the ground. He told me how much he loves to focus on the dirtiest of all..they are the most fun, they are the ones he likes to use. He likes to take the people that the people of the world roll their eyes at and give the "Yeah..NOT gonna happen" look. (No offense Jords.. I don't blame you for not wanting to clean that thing.) He loves taking what no one else would ever dream of wanting and making it into the most impressive and beautiful piece of china.

I can't help but smile about the fact that God talked to me about this tonight. He knows, of course, that I've been at my dirtiest here lately. He knows that I've been in a place of not understanding anything. He knows I've been at a place of laying down on the ground and saying.. "I can't clean up this mess." He's been getting a true joy out of cleaning it up. He doesn't gripe and complain when he sees my filth..he smiles and says "hand me the blood" (his version of soap). He takes that blood and lathers me up in it..and watches excitedly as it chases all the dirt and scum away. Then he pulls me up on his lap and tells me of his love and of his plans. I always feel it most during these times. I am thankful for these hard times. I know they mean so much to him..because they are the times that bring us closest. They are the times that my pride is gone and I have no choice but to run to the ONLY one who can clean up the messes I've made.

Revelation 1:5 "....All glory to him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by shedding his blood for us."

Life goes on....

2010-03-15T22:28:00.000-07:00

Hello friends!

I just thought I'd give a quick update about my life. I just finished watching a 3 hour long movie called "Lost in Austen". I have to say, despite the fact it was INSANELY long, it was actually a rather good movie. I thought it brought a crazy cool spin to Pride and Prejudice.

Today was a good day. I somehow..someway feel breakthrough coming. I'm not 100% sure how exactly Jesus is going to pull this off... but I have NO doubt that he can :) I am excited to see what he has up his rather clever sleeve!

Jordan is on Spring Break and as luck would have it..we are set to go to the beach Wednesday! I am SUPER excited about this! I have been CRAVING the beach.. my last trip wasn't one of the best, so I need a redemption trip! I can't wait!!!!!

Tomorrow is going to be a BUSY day of cleaning, packing, appointments, writing thousands of labels and such..trying to get things in order! I hope you all are doing well! Love to you all!

Ashlin

new opportunities

2010-03-11T17:30:00.000-08:00

They're coming out with a 4th movie in the series "The Prince and Me". This is just stupid, seriously. After the 3rd installment, I will NOT be watching the 4th. They should've stopped at Number 2. Truthfully, they should've stopped after Number 1. The second one was okay just because it still starred Luke Mably. It wasn't the same without Julia Stiles, but it was decent. Now, Luke Mably wasn't in the 3rd one and he of course won't be in the 4th one and so therefore they are pointless. I don't know who had the bright idea of continuing these movies... but they really need to move onto something new!

In about 30 min a new Grey's Anatomy episode will be on. I really hope something interesting happens and I really hope no more original characters get cut. They're getting too many new people and it's turning into a mess. I hope something good happens tonight....it's time for Grey's to step it up!

I've been making these little labels for my uncle's business. I'm truly grateful for the opportunity. But writing Mar 2012 by hand 10,000 times is time consuming and difficult. I will not complain though....the man's timing was PERFECT. My job at Sylvan ended on Monday and I got a call yesterday about this opportunity...I'm thankful the Lord is providing!

I will miss my Sylvan kids. They brought a lot of joy to my life. Their funny little habits and pretty much everything they would say was HYSTERICAL!!! I will truly miss it! I will leave you with a few of their cute quotes.

Little Girl: "My daddy always gives me everything I want. It doesn't matter how much money it is, he will get it for me!"

Little Boy: "...THATS JUST BAD PARENTING!"

2nd grade girl staring at me with mouth wide open: "Although I cannot identify you, you look like the girl Lily, from Hannah Montana."

Little Boy (talking to me): "Hey White cracker!"

Me: "My name is NOT white cracker!"

Little Boy: ohh...'scuse me.. MISS white cracker."

oh there are just so many more. I will miss my babies! Off to watch Grey's! Have a great night!

how precious life is...

2010-03-09T22:30:00.000-08:00

Life is so precious. I'm realizing this more and more each passing day. As some of you know, 2 and a half years ago I lost a friend in a car wreck. His name was Travis and he was a wonderful guy. I think about him a lot and just recently I've been thinking about him more than usual. Last week, two guys from my former high school were also in a wreck. One survived, one did not. I sat down in disbelief and counted. From that school we had seen 6 serious wrecks in the four years we've been in High School. Tonight, I saw where another guy from my former school has been in a wreck and airlifted to a nearby hospital. I can't believe it. 7 Serious wrecks in 4 years. 3 of these resulted in death and 1 life still hangs in the balance. My heart breaks and I can't help but hope and pray that each of these kids who passed knew Jesus. I don't mean have just heard of him... but knew him and knew of his love. My heart desperately hopes they are with him now. As for those who lived... I hope that they come to know him through their tragic experiences. I pray that if the young man who has just been taken to the hospital doesn't know Jesus... I pray he will. I pray he will see Jesus through a miracle and come to be a radical Christian that changes the world.

My hope is also that the kids and people that have been apart of each of these lives will see Jesus in all of his love and mercy. I pray that people open their eyes to see that we only have one life to live..and we should live it for a Holy and wonderful savior..who gave everything for us. I hope people will see how we only get one shot. I hope people will see how precious time and life are.

Keep these families in your prayers. Keep this young man who is currently in the hospital in your prayers. Help me in praying that Jesus will shine through in this dark hour.

"We couldn't see it 'til now, but you were teaching us then...how precious life is."

"children get older..i'm getting older too"

2010-03-03T21:15:00.000-08:00

It's officially my birthday. You know how every year people say..."how does it feel to be one year older?" and you say.. "oh good." but really..you're thinking "i feel EXACTLY the same." It's 12:16 and i've only been 1 year older for 16 minutes now... but I feel stinkin AWESOME! This is seriously one of those defining moments where I'm like "I REALLY FEEL A YEAR OLDER..AND I AM LOVING IT!" 18 is the big one... at least for most people. I've spent my entire life waiting to be 18...and now I am! Let me just say, IT FEELS GOOD. I feel like I've been running a marathon and I have finally reached a check point..a place of accomplishment. I know it's crazy. Trust me, I know.

So..what does this day hold for me? Who knows. I do know I have to work... WELCOME TO ADULTHOOD. Oh well, it's only for a few hours so i will survive. After that, I'm going to enjoy this day and party like its 2010.

I never thought i'd get here. 2010 seemed so far away..the year i'd graduate..become an adult..go to college. I can't believe it's happening. Praise God, it's happening. Change is here and I am loving it.

ashlin's anatomy.

2010-03-01T23:15:00.000-08:00

I want you to know that I just spent the last 15 minutes crying over a tv show. Not like the typical crying where a few tears run down your face and you say.."aww or...ughh" or whatever. I'm talking crocodile tears that included weeping sounds. I'm not sure if i'm okay with this... it just happened. Thanks to Grey's Anatomy's season 2 finale. I've just recently started watching this show and I started from the beginning. Well season 2 finale literally did something to the inside of me. I may need McDreamy to operate soon... seriously.

Although for most people Patrick Dempsey is the heart throb that you dream of and wish you could be with. Strangely enough, that is not the case for me. If I could have anyone on the show... I think I would without a doubt pick Justin Chambers who plays Alex Karev. He is pretty much the jerk of the show who everyone hates. I'm not sure what this says about my character. I'm kind of worried about it. He's pretty much the guy that you KNOW would hurt you...because he pretty much tells you he would. I think I could seriously have a brain problem.

Anyway, moving on... My birthday is Thursday and I'm super excited about it. I don't have big plans...except work. Wow...how exciting! Also, i'm close to making a decision about college. When the final things are put together I will be sure to let all of you know.. but I DEFINITELY know what I want... it's just a matter of things working out. BUT i'm trusting if it's what God wants...then it will work :)

Well, it's after 2 am and i'm going to watch ONE more episode of grey's (i'm pathetic.. i know) and then get some sleep! goodnight! love to you all!

Everything Changes.

2010-02-20T12:08:00.000-08:00

Things are really changing in my life right now. It's all good though. It didn't seem that way at first... it didn't seem good at all. I guess it's so true that God's ways are so much higher and truly so much better than mine. I know that God is doing something crazy and he's definitely changing a lot on the inside of me..as well as outside in the world around me.

That's pretty much all I know to say about it. Keep me in your prayers :)

Love!

2010-02-17T20:33:00.000-08:00

We're home.... it was overall a good experience. I still haven't made a decision. there is too much to consider right now.

tomorrow.. I work and then i'm leaving to go see Jordan. I don't know when I'm coming back here. I may stay as long as possible. I can't be here anymore, at least right now.

I won't say anymore...my words apparently aren't what need to be heard right now. I'll leave you with the words of someone way better than me.

"...In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."-john 16:33

an update for those who love me :)

2010-02-15T21:11:00.000-08:00

For the record--I went to bed at 8 pm last night and woke up at 5:30 am. I think my sleep habits are turning into a complete opposite, which is totally okay with me.

Guess what tomorrow is? College roadtrip day! Mom, Dad and myself are all taking a drive to Wilson, NC to check out Barton College. I've been looking at Barton since my freshman year in High School. I can't believe the time has almost come to make a decision and start getting everything compared. I can't believe how fast it all went by. It's one of the three colleges I applied to and so it's definitely in the running. I've obviously been to both Gardner-Webb and Montreat (to visit my two best friends) and I love them both. Despite how AWESOME it would be to be around my amazing sister and cousin...there's also an appeal to embarking on a completely different journey and going off on my own. Tomorrow is really going to make or break some big decisions.

Back when I was considering leaving for school in the spring... Barton went out of the running.. just because I didn't have time to visit and I didn't want to go somewhere I had never even seen. Maybe this is God's way of getting me there...postponing my college wishes so that I could most definitely be at the right one. BUT perhaps Barton isn't the place for me? I guess that's what I'm planning to find out tomorrow and wednesday! I'm excited, nervous, and super glad to get out of town for a few days. This girl needs a breather and some time to back away and get some perspective on a lot of things.

SO.. Maybe I'll get there and LOVE it and say "YES, YES! This IS the place for me!!!" Or maybe I'll get there and be like "ehh.. nah, this isn't it" I don't know.... but I will keep you all updated and let you know how the trip goes. I'll try to take some pictures and show off the fun trip we're going to have ;)

Other than that... not much else is going on. Work is coming to a slow end and it's a bittersweet thing. While I'll be glad to have my Mondays and Thursdays back.. it will be heartbreaking to leave my kids...truly heartbreaking. They've really taught me so much. They've taught me more about love in these last few months than I could've ever imagined. They've taught me about a lot of things.. I think it's safe to say they've taught me more than I have taught them.

ALSO! Pray for a purchase that I am attempting to make within the next couple of weeks. It's steep and will weigh heavily on my bank account..so just pray that God sends me the right deal! I love you all so much!

P.S. I saw Leap Year for the second time. It's such an awesome movie! (Definitely one I'm planning to purchase when it releases on DVD!) If you haven't seen it..make sure to rent it when it comes out!

not cool.

2010-02-13T00:35:00.000-08:00

I would just like to vent.... I lost an ebay bidding war

and in the process of losing.. i missed ac360! tonight was the 1 month anniversary special and i missed it! i fall asleep to anderson cooper every night ..what am i to do now that he is not there to be the last thing i see before i sleep. how will i sleep now?

such is the luck of my life.

10:5 Looks like this glass is 1/2 Empty.

2010-02-10T19:34:00.001-08:00

I'd like to list the 10 most frustrating things to happen to me this week.

10) I missed half of my tv show today because the dog was barking. Someone was at my house talking about "homely" looking people and yelling Boo Boo in my face. Mmm..fun.

9) That every time I agree to give my tutor kids a sticker..they unroll the entire thing. You would think after a month they would notice the stickers go in a pattern, the whole roll is the same!

8) McDonalds down sized their small frappe's. They're smaller than they were at first, not to mention now they stuff the whipped creme down in there and stick one of those nasty plastic lids on top. The whipped cream then get's stuck to the lid and I get to eat none of it. Stupid recession.

7) I have watched every movie in my house and have nothing left to watch. I can't go rent from the video store because I've seen everything there too...not to mention my late fees because I was snowed in. They are going to take those off... i'm going to demand it.

6) My lips are beyond chapped. Worse than my nose. My lips and my nose are chapped. That in itself is enough to ruin anyone's day. It doesn't matter how much I bathe these things in beeswax and blistex it doesn't work. Talk about a waste of $1.25. (I could add that $1.25 to what I paid for my McD's Frappe and go to starbucks..where they give you a dome lid that doesn't smoosh your creme!"

5) I am waiting on my computer to turn off..it's been a few hours and I'm sure it's getting close to overheating. I kinda hope it blows up one day.

4) I watched a demonic lifetime movie. I seriously was sweating bullets and completely stiff as a board unable to move. I've figured out that's what happens to me when I watch a scary movie.. I literally, physically CANNOT move. Thank God for commercials. I finally turned it.

3) I forgot to order the new Emma on DVD. So i'm going to do that now... UGH I could've had it by today if I would've remembered. Mr. Knightley, "it's a quarter 'til 11, I'm all alone and I need you now."

2) I couldn't go see Jordan because it was going to "snow" ...OH MAN..let me tell you about that big snow. can't get out the blessed door. (insert sarcasm)

1) I'm sick..and I mean it's disgusting. My nose is leaking GREEN stuff. I know that's disgusting and TMI, but I just wanted to put that out there into cyberspace. In the event that I leak too much of it and my life comes to it's end.. I wanted you all to know.. it's GREEN. Lime Green. like mushed up pea Gerber baby food!!!! I can barely speak (i'm super hoarse) and like I said previously my nose is chapped. I also ruined a perfectly good towel. I'm not going to give you the gory details on that one...even a stomach of steel couldn't deal with it. OH and apparently it's okay for the rest of the world to get sick.. but the ONE time I do..you better believe it's not okay with the world. Sigh.

Then 5 good things about this week....

5) I'm about to eat McDonalds.. I told my Dad to get me a crispy ranch snack wrap. He tried to repeat it back to me saying "a crisky ranch nack shrapped." Like always, I had to write it down for him... but that's no surprise considering he is the son of the woman who renamed Sonic's "Wacky Pack" kid's meal ....the "Smacky Burger"

4) My dog has felt oddly affectionate toward me lately. At first, I thought she was trying to voluntarily give me kisses.. but now I think it's my vitamin c cough drops and she's trying to eat them out of my mouth. Cute.

3) Everyone's having babies. It makes me kind of jealous.. but it also makes me happy. New life is coming to this Earth.. Lord knows we need to raise up some kids with some sense.

2) God revealed to me something really really cool about my name. It was super exciting

1) My mother actually quoted something I said to her earlier today and said "it's like ashlin said............" it was a great compliment. I almost teared up a little bit ;)

10:5.. I know that's pretty pitiful. But I'm just a better pessimist than optimist. If you don't like it...take it up with my mother, father and sister... somehow we all got it :-P!

signing out,

love you all!

When Justice is Served.....

2010-02-09T17:08:00.000-08:00

If you had been with me today...you wouldn't have noticed any thing out of the ordinary happening in my life. I woke up, talked to my parents, took a shower, went to lunch, came home, sat here, went to mcdonalds, and came home. It was all pretty basic. Then again, it was far from basic.

Justice. If you know me, you know I'm all about justice. Sometimes I think it's just an innate thing with me. Sometimes I will shout speeches of justice without even realizing I've opened my mouth. There are days when I truly almost think it's beyond my control. Then again sometimes I want justice for myself. I remember people who have hurt me in the past and in my heart and sometimes in my word I lift my fist and shout to the heavens "WHERE IS YOUR JUSTICE GOD?" He doesn't usually respond when I shout this and it makes me angry. I slam my fists onto my dashboard and yell. He watches patiently, quietly, compassionately. He knows that I do not understand the things that he does.

Today, I read something surprising. It seems that in a small way my definition of "justice" had been served. Finally, one of the people who had really hurt me in my life was facing a terrible hardship. But instead of rejoicing. I sat in turmoil. I sat in heart ache. I sat in grief. I didn't laugh with joy or shout chants of victory. It could only muffle out small whispers of "God, have mercy." The words shocked me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing myself say. I'd always thought, "one day...they'll get what's coming to them! they'll be sorry! and i hope i'm there to see it." Today, I realize what horrible words I have spoken. I realized that somewhere along the way, something changed.

Today for me, wasn't about justice. Today wasn't about victory for Ashlin. Today was about compassion. Today was about mercy. Oh, if only I had understood then what I know now. If only I'd understood the importance of mercy. It would've saved me heart ache. It would have saved me grief. All those months of anger at God and wondering "WHY? WHY AREN'T YOU DOING SOMETHING? WHERE IS YOUR JUSTICE?" If only I had known that God was there, in all his majesty, in all his truth, in all his glory. He knew then that I'd be praying today "God, have mercy." Because today, my hurts didn't matter, my tears weren't important. Today, I realized that my hard times were a blessing. Every little second of pain they put me through only brought me closer to him. They brought me to the point of being able to say "God, have mercy" and truly mean it. They did me a favor. Every night of anguish and agony. Every time I looked at the faces of those I loved who had been hurt and wept. Those were the nights he was closest to me. Those were the nights he taught me who he was and told me who I'm to be.

God, have mercy on the people who did me an injustice. For you have already brought justice out of it. Your justice was served through cultivating a beautiful and sweet relationship with me..out of heart break and sorrow. Justice was served on the lonely nights you held me. You made something broken into something beautiful. Such was my justice. Such was my sweet reward.

Psalm 119:145
I call out at the top of my lungs, "God! Answer! I'll do whatever you say." I called to you, "Save me so I can carry out all your instructions." I was up before sunrise, crying for help, hoping for a word from you. I stayed awake all night, prayerfully pondering your promise. In your love, listen to me; in your justice, God, keep me alive. As those out to get me come closer and closer, they go farther and farther from the truth you reveal; But you're the closest of all to me, God, and all your judgments true. I've known all along from the evidence of your words that you meant them to last forever.

inspiration

2010-02-08T23:57:00.000-08:00

I have this crazy love for going and reading old things I've written. Like really old... years old. I am so totally fascinated by the things I've written. I can't believe where my brain was sometimes. Sometimes, I wrote things that were just ridiculous. Then again, sometimes I wrote things that hit me to the core on this very day. I had a certain fearless attitude in my writing and in my actions that I somewhat feel i've lost. I used to write everything with this passion and inspiration that I've lost. I've lost my passion to write..and I mean truly write. Not just give little updates here and there... but to express the inner thoughts of my heart. It's funny...because I used to think that my passion for writing or my talent or whatever it was came from my intelligence or whatever. Now, I know it came from LIFE. There was a time in my life where I was so afraid to say anything out loud, that I wrote it all down. Everything I was thinking, completely unscripted. It was just the truth and nothing but it. Now, I feel like I primp and doctor it up to make it sound "acceptable" it's not raw anymore and sometimes I hate it. Don't get me wrong--i'm not asking to go back and relive the things i've been through. (even though i somewhat already feel like i am) I guess I just want that inspiration to come back.

It's 3 am. Surprise. It's like I have my nights and days mixed up. Somehow, I always have. It's just the way I am. I guess I'm writing all of this to say... I need a time of recoup. To find some inspiration in life.

movies, movies, movies!

2010-02-06T22:45:00.000-08:00

Hey Hey! I'm watching She's the Man right now and I'm laughing my guts out. This is one of my all time favorite movies! How could you not love Amanda Bynes? She's HYSTERICAL. I'm at the part where the headmaster accuses her of having male patterned baldness. I love it!

As for me...today has been pretty quiet. A lot is going on, but internally things have just been very quiet and well, that's pretty rare. Normally, I have 10 million thoughts running through my head and I'm usually trying to talk myself out of the next stupid thing I'm planning to do.

So I was watching this movie last night and the main character, who is female, drops her papers in front of her office as she is rushing to get into work because she is late. Typical occurrence in movies, am I right? So, when she drops this mountain of papers and starts fluttering around like a mad woman.. I yell at the television "GIVE IT 5 SECONDS....THERE'S A GUY COMING!" Sure enough, less than five seconds and this gorgeous man is at her side helping her to gather her sidewalk litter. I immediately sat up and threw my arms in the air and said "I'm going to try this one day."

Well, I haven't gotten my chance to test this theory yet, but I did have my curtains go tumbling down like London bridge on top of me. Of course, there was no strong man at my side to pick them up. He wasn't there the first time they fell, or the second time, or the third. Then, I just gave up and threw them in the chair and concluded that movies lie!!!!!

Now it's almost 2 a.m. and I'm not very sleepy...figures, right? I guess I'm going to finish my movie and grab the jar of peanut butter and a spoon and dig in! This was a random post and it doesn't really benefit anyone to read it... but oh well! You know you love me.

Ashlin

snow storm summary

2010-02-01T14:19:00.000-08:00

so..what a crazy snow storm we had, huh? I thought I was going to be spending the majority of it stuck in my house with nothing to do. Instead, my uncle and cousins came to get me and I spent the weekend with my aunt, uncle, two cousins, two dogs and two birds. It was quite eventful and full of potato soup. We laughed, watched Amelia, ate, laughed some more, ate, watched the Grammy's, ate, slept, and ate. It was a nice little vacation away! While I had a splendid time, it was also nice to come home today and see my parents. Believe it or not--sometimes i miss them. :)

Jordan was supposed to come home this weekend, but the snow storm prevented it! It was sad news to receive that she wouldn't be coming home! Hopefully she will be able to come soon though! Miss you Jords! So while the snow storm made me mad in that way... it also made me rejoice because I didn't have to work. Go snow!

Now, i'm just sitting in my bed, full on spaghetti and contemplating whether or not to clean my room. I know I will. I just have to motivate myself. Then after my room is clean, i'm going to take a wonderful shower and hunker down and flip on some amazing monday night television. I love Mondays.

Hope you've all enjoyed the snow! :)

what's love got to do with it?

2010-01-27T19:37:00.001-08:00

Every day I hear the same question in my mind. It sounds stupid, but nevertheless it runs through my mind every day. "Can you hate and love someone at the same time?" I don't think you can, but then again that doesn't explain the current predicament i'm in. Can you hate everything a person does or stands for or says... and that not necessarily mean you HATE the person...? Isn't a person made up of their thoughts, actions, beliefs and ideas? If you hate all of those things...doesn't that mean you hate that person? Maybe not. Maybe you love them as they were made. You love them through God's eyes. You love them unconditionally. That your love does not depend on what they say or do.. or do not say or do. But rather just because they are living and breathing and you are called to love them. Sometimes I don't like what my family does or says.. but I still love them. I guess it's the same with everyone else.

I guess this is just a current thought running through my mind. I don't understand love. But then again, i'm not called to understand EVERY LITTLE DETAIL about it.. i'm just called to walk in it. I don't always feel like it, but I know that only good can come from giving love.

I had the best day with you today.

2010-01-21T23:31:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to update and say that things have been so interesting today. This past week and a half..or really these past few weeks have been very difficult. I've just been begging God to somehow break through and give me strength. It finally seemed that today I found it. Despite the fact that i had to work and that I received some disappointing news at work, God was there. Somehow circumstances didn't seem to matter with him next to me. I'm excited that he is giving me strength to get through these crazy times. I'm excited that he's giving me revelation upon revelation. He's also giving me tons of inspiration. Thats a good little combo to have going.

Now, I'm going chill some more and TRY to get some sleep. I've loaded up on Reese Cups and Pixie Sticks, which is not the best combo before bed!

Hope you're all doing well!

love, ashlin

bored and busy days

2010-01-20T11:30:00.000-08:00

So here's the update that you asked for. Not a whole lot has been going on, but it feels like I've been going non-stop. This week has been far too busy for my own good. I have been in bed ALL day today and it feels WONDERFUL. I am 100% dreading having to get up in a few hours. Tomorrow, I have to work. Since it's only 2 1/2 hours, I will survive, but I really just want to stay in bed and eat.

I feel like I haven't slept in five days. I technically didn't REALLY sleep much for three, but I got a lot of sleep last night. So, I don't understand why I'm feeling like someone ran over me. I'm glad I took my shower last night, because the chance of me moving to take one today is about slim to none.

I have absolutely no idea what to write. I'm watching As The World Turns, it's thoroughly weird today. Allison just yelled to that nasty guy that played on Guiding Light "Why are you in my head and I can't get you out?" Yuck! Electroshock therapy may do her some good.

I ordered Mansfield Park on DVD! It should be here by Friday or Saturday! I'm overly excited. My new found love for Jonny Lee Miller probably isn't healthy, but he's a good standard to have. If I say "no less than him" the chance of me settling in life is zero. Then again, the chance of me ever getting married is also probably zero. Jordan, you will love that movie! I have taken up a new love for all movies/mini-series that are inspired by Jane Austen books. Dang, that reminds me, I was going to go to the library and get one of her books! WELL, i still have time! I may definitely do that!! I want to read Emma and Mansfield Park.

I'm hungry. I made myself a turkey sandwich, but it was absolutely DREADFUL. I ate half of it and gave the other half to the dog. Packaged/Processed turkey meat is terrible, absolutely terrible.

Well, that's all that's going on as of today! Enjoy my boring life!

life before Jordan goes back to school

2010-01-14T19:48:00.000-08:00

8 a.m. the alarm clock rings. I do not hear it. Jordan hits snooze 15 times. We then jump out of bed, throw on hideous clothes and run out the door. It's of course our job to take the dog to the groomer this morning. We struggle getting her into the car (as usual) and then finally hoist her in there and I drive with my eyes wide open, looking like I just got botox, to keep myself awake. We wrangle her inside and watch as she happily jumps around. We look at one another in confusion. Our spoiled, selfish, whiny dog...enjoying herself..around other dogs? We sit and wait and this precious lady in her cute little outfit with her precious yorkshire terrier walks by and looks down at our long haired and shameful shih-tzu who looks nothing like a shih-tzu. The woman comments "Oh, she's so cute." If I had been given the chance to have a cup of coffee, I would have gladly gotten up and discussed a bartering deal for our dogs. Finally, we hand her over to the groomer without a fuss. We come home and WASTE time on our computers and then get up to make Dad a birthday lunch. Technically, his birthday is tomorrow, but Jordan leaves for school in the morning so the celebrating came early this year. We decided to make chicken alfredo. Sounds good, sounds easy, but for two girls who know NOTHING about the kitchen, it wasn't as easy as people make it seem. After cooking two pieces of chicken for what seemed like 18 years, they finally finished. We began to cook the sauce, realizing we didn't have enough of the alfredo stuff in the packet. I got creative and decided to whip up my own recipe and throw some stuff together. Surprisingly, my recipe was better than the packet....go figure. We then baked a cake (which turned out PERFECTLY) and iced it and served it all up. I was exceptionally proud of us.

Then I headed off to work. My kids were hysterical today. I think my favorite occurrence of the day was when my most entertaining child proceeded to tell the group that Robin Hood was about a girl who planted seeds and ate big bear's porridge. What do they teach kids in school these days? After 2 and a half hours with some amazing kids, I headed home to pick up the pup from the groomer. She was crazy wild and jumping all over the place. Fortunately, when she jumped on my steering wheel and caused me to swerve on the opposite of the road the oncoming car was a good mile away. Thank you Jesus.

The rest of the day played out as almost all Thursdays do. Just chilling, a little cleaning and a lot of surfing the net. Just thought I'd share the day with all of you.

2009 Memories...

2010-01-10T19:51:00.000-08:00

So I wanted to do this just for the fun of it!! Some of the things I list ARE NOT from 2009, but that's when I discovered them..so TECHNICALLY..they are My Top Things of 2009. Enjoy!

My Top Albums for 2009

John Mayer "Battle Studies"

The Fray "You Found Me"

Needtobreathe "The Outsiders"
Rascal Flatts "Unstoppable"
Jason Reeves "Patience for the Waiting"

Mat Kearney "City of Black and White"

Mayday Parade "A Lesson in Romantics"
Eli Young Band "Jet Black & Jealous"

Lady Antebellum "Lady Antebellum"

My Top Songs of 2009

Half Of My Heart-John Mayer

In My Bones- Andy Gullahorn

Assasin-John Mayer

Wishing Weed-Jason Reeves

For You-Peter Bradley Adams

Never Look Back-Zach Berkman

Everytime I See You-Luke Bryan

World of Chances-Demi Lovato

Say Say Say-Sean McConnell

To Know Your Name-HillsongUnited

Valley of Tomorrow-Needtobreathe

Happiness-The Fray

My Top Movies for 2009
Love Happens

The Blindside

The Proposal

Taken

The Painted Veil

Montana Sky

It Had To Be You

The Time Traveler's Wife

New Year, New Look.

2010-01-05T21:07:00.001-08:00

So I changed my blog look a little. Maybe it's a little dull, I don't care.

Today, the girls and I took a road trip to see our Great Aunt and Great Uncle. It was so great to spend time with them and just to get out of town for a little while. It made me think a lot about the future and the four hours riding time was just a good time to sort and organize all of the insane and crazy thoughts I've been dealing with. I don't feel like I really got any clear answers to all of my questions, but I feel a little calmer and at least like I have a handle on a few things I didn't before.

I don't know much, but I know that I need to have a cleaning day....SOON. Perhaps, I will clean tomorrow. Things are just chaotic and they tend to get that way (and stay that way for a few weeks) around the holidays. Hopefully soon things are going to calm down and I'll get into a regular routine for the year.

update... :)

2009-12-27T17:00:00.000-08:00

Hope everyone had an awesome Christmas. Mine was really good. Okay, well except the part of running a fever of 102. OTHER than that, it was pleasant.

I've been spending the last few days watching Glee. I'm officially caught up and now a fan. Okay, so it's not the most WHOLESOME or MORAL show.. but the kids are talented..and well let's be honest, I'm a sucker for a handsome romantic man and good music..so Glee fits me.

I'm of course ready for the new year and things are shaping up and falling into place. Yay for Jesus, I know he's got some good stuff up his sleeve :)

Just wanted to give a quick update. Hope your Christmas was very merry. Love to you all!

Christmas Revelation

2009-12-25T18:45:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's already Christmas. It came so fast this year and the new year is approaching even faster.

The truth is, I made a snotty remark about resolutions this morning... but I'm starting to develop a few. Some that I honestly should have developed a long time ago. Sadly, I am regretting recent decisions, but not for reasons that I should. I am not regretting them because they were wrong. I'm regretting them because it seems like nothing good or beneficial will ever come from them. But I KNOW God is bigger than my selfish regret. He has some kind of crazy/awesome plan and I honestly have never been prouder to call him mine. I finally, FINALLY, praise Jesus feel like I am getting somewhere internally. Externally, it looks like I'm going backwards. Thankfully, inside I am moving at super-sonic speed. I don't know what all of it means or why it's happening now. I just know that it NEEDS to happen and I couldn't be happier about it. Whew...talk about words I never thought I'd say. This year is going to be a new kind of year. It's going to be NEW. I know everyone says that every year, but no... I really mean it. BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I will not stay the same. Although there's not a lot of change happening externally, I feel it coming.... I feel the grace coming to do what I never thought I could. Oh, praise you Jesus.

Wishing all of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Let this new year be THE year for starting over.

MERRY CHRISTMAS :) :) :)

late night blog fun.

2009-12-12T22:43:00.000-08:00

Over the past couple of days.... well ever since Jordan's Christmas break officially began, I've started updating my facebook status to "Fav. things about Christmas break" just because we have so much fun and so many crazy/hilarious things happen when we're together. I wanted to share some of them with you!! :) And a few that I haven't even posted!

Fav. thing about Christmas break #268: watching re-runs of touched by an angel with Jordan

Fav. thing about Christmas break #190: Pulling out old/unused Christmas gifts from last year and trying to decide with Jordan if we should re-gift them.

Fav. thing about Christmas break #17: Jordan watching tv and laughing hysterically at a bloody cat on tv with the subtitle "WHY DID THEY HURT ME?" while i'm on the phone.

Fav. thing about Christmas break #301: Local Cemetery becomes "T-ville's Tanglewood."

Fav. thing about Christmas break #88: Peanut Butter. Crying over sledding. Carrotts and Ranch Dressing.

Fav. thing about Christmas break #47: Calling people on the phone and being dared by Jordan to refer to them as "fool"

I love this time of year. I love my sister and I love all that God is doing! Things are crazy, but I am loving them. Pray for me as I head into this new season of my life :)

Ministry

2009-12-08T13:51:00.000-08:00

I'm really excited that Christmas is almost here. It comes at a time when the seasons of my life are changing. It couldn't have come at a better time... It's all just starting to make some sense.

I feel like that this past season has been a season of receiving. After spending 16 years with my family in the ministry, the last year of just receiving instead of always giving out was just what the Great Physician ordered. I finally feel the Lord calling me back into that place of ministry again. Thank you Jesus. I have truly missed it more than I'd ever imagined. When you're in the ministry for most of your life it gets very exhausting, very dry and really difficult to keep moving. This time of rest and recoop. has just been a blessing in disguise. While I felt myself growing restless in the past couple of months, I knew it was what God was calling for.

Although this has been a time of revelation, growing and receiving. I can honestly say that I receive more when ministering than when I don't. The reward of seeing the harvest of the seeds you plant ministers to the minister just as much (if not more sometimes) than to the person they're ministering to.

Christmas is an amazing time to minster and so I'm really excited about that. I'm excited to see what God is going to put in front of me to do this holiday season! I love this time of year and I can't wait to see what's in store for this next upcoming year!

"he will be even better...."

2009-12-05T00:19:00.000-08:00

So, today I spent my day watching Christmas movies. I watched two that starred Neil Patrick Harris: "The Christmas Blessing" and "The Christmas Wish". Now, I have this hilarious habit of "imdb-ing" every actor in almost every movie I watch. I guess I just want to know more about the people behind the characters. So I'm watching these movies...bawling my little hazel eyes out and thinking to myself "Dear Jesus, please let me have a man like that one day......" but for some reason I just kept hearing.."yours will be even better.. he will be even better" I kept laughing it off thinking "try that one on for size...thats what you call WISHFUL THINKING." Then in my quest of "imdb-ing" Neil Patrick Harris, I discovered a major thing that probably most people know....he's gay. I groaned in agony and vented for about two minutes to myself how all the good ones are gay or old and I need to become a hollywood missionary and get these people in line. Then it hit me. He's one HECK of an actor....I would have NEVER guessed. All of the parts he plays, he plays straight and he's stinkin good at it. But then I thought...aren't we all good actors. There are so many people that we see in our daily lives or that we even know that are SO good at what they are pretending to be. Then I realized that I hope those words "he will be even better" are true. I want someone who isn't a good actor. I want someone who is the worst actor in the world, who cannot hide who they are or what their feeling at all. I want someone that is one of those people that "what you see...is what you get." People like that are so rare these days. Then I realized, I want to be one of those people as well. I want to be a person that is exactly who I portray myself to be... or rather that I always portray myself exactly as I am.

So, will my husband be as good looking as Neil Patrick Harris? Dear Lord, I hope so. But it just goes to show that our defintion of "amazing..or the best.." or our standards or current desires are not always the best. Sometimes, God shows up and allows us to "imdb" someone and see their true colors and who they are. It's then that we realize one day God will bring his perfect will for our lives and to us..."he will be even better....."

Growing, Grace, and Graduation

2009-12-02T13:07:00.000-08:00

It's official. I have graduated High School! I never thought I'd see the day! I can't believe how fast time has flown by and that I am no longer considered a child anymore. It's an odd feeling and nothing like what you would expect it to be. Yesterday was the beginning of it all and I honestly feel like suddenly I've been dropped into an entire new role in my life. I'm now required to do things that I was not required to do...It's all a lot more than I can explain through a blog.

I think mostly the hardest part is realizing that I can no longer claim innocence or ignorance to excuse anything. Realizing that was huge for me... I now I have to own up to things a little more, but I know that's something that NEEDS to happen! It's so strange because I am the youngest grandchild on each side of my family and I have now graduated.. I can't believe how old all of us are and how fast time has flown. Looking back, there are a few things I'd do differently, but ultimately I'm at a good place and God is in control and if not for his amazing grace, who knows where i'd be!!

So what's next for the rest of this year? I have no idea. I haven't the slightest clue as to what God wants me to do, but I'm just trusting him. It's the scariest place i've ever been... but I also love it. I love the freedom of just falling into his arms knowing that even if I have to fall for a while, he will inevitably catch me!

Thank you to everyone who has been apart of my life for these past 17 years, I am so blessed to know each of you! I love you all! :)

giving thanks, growing up and getting grace.

2009-11-28T14:45:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone. There were so many things to be thankful for this year! God has blessed me and so many wonderful things have been happening. Life hasn't always been easy and it surely has not been all that i thought it would be this year, but i'm learning to be thankful in all circumstances! I think it's safe to say that I am not sure what God is doing in my life and that a lot of unexpected surprises have come my way, but I know he has a plan!!

Thanksgiving day was wonderful. We got to spend time with some of the most wonderful people and I got to see my family which I always enjoy. It was sad that we were lacking certain members this year, but we will surely all be together on Christmas! The food was wonderful this year and it was a great day!! Black Friday was long and tiring. I didn't feel like we found any good deals (except maybe like two) and I didn't get a whole lot of sleep, but oh well. It's fun just to get up and go out into the crazy mess and see what's out there! So i'm glad that we kept up the tradition and went!

As for today, I've just been resting. Tonight has been a quiet night and I've just been basking in my thoughts and feelings. I'm just trying to figure out the next steps and move into the place God has for me.

That's all for now, I will keep you all updated more in the coming days! :)

Hope you all had a blessed Thanksgiving!!!!

Love!

updates on life...

2009-11-18T23:49:00.000-08:00

Today was quite the day. Well, tehnically..yesterday was quite the day. It's almost 3 am! But I just had to write and update about some great things.

I made a life altering decision today. Of course, God's will is what will ultimately happen, BUT if all goes as I have planned..then things will be dramatically different in 8 weeks of my life!

I am working on a very intense Christmas present. I have a HUGE fear it will not get finished. But I'm going to work hard. I'm going to push myself to do what I do not want to do! It's for the sake of someone else. Christmas is in fact the giving season. Not just in material, but also in time, effort, and in doing tasks that do not necessarily appeal to you.

I said some things I needed to say. Okay, maybe not... I said some things the WAY they needed to be said. Was it Godly? Probably not. Was it wrong? Probably. Did I regret it? No, not really. Did I repent? Yeah, okay.. I did. The point is, I decided to step up and be what I felt like being at that exact moment. I haven't done that in a LONG time and that is so unlike me. I used to always say what I wanted to..exactly the way I wanted to..at the exact moment I wanted. But lately, that has not been the case.. until tonight. Maybe I didn't do it exactly in the most loving way... but hey, i'm working on it!

I'm super super excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas! These are my two fav. holidays!! Christmas music has somewhat surfaced. Christmas movies...oh, they've definitely surfaced. And holiday cheer is stronger this year than ever before.

God is good. He really is and he is doing so many crazy/weird/cool/so like him things... :)

2009-11-09T11:05:00.000-08:00

"I feel a tiny pang of regret, as though I've lost a secret, and then a rush of exaltation: now everything begins."

This blog is going to be one of those that you may not understand exactly everything I am saying, but someday in time all will be revealed.

I don't know if that quote makes any sense to you. But it finally makes sense to me.. I read it the other night and thought to myself "that's a cool quote" and while I got what it was saying, I didn't understand it fully. Last night, I saw that quote in a completely new light. There's something about releasing things you've held back for YEARS into the ears and heart of someone else.. I will not lie there is a TINY pang of regret as if "oh my gosh, i have lost something sacred that only I fully understood." But then theres a sense of .. "now that it IS out..everything can begin." Whatever "everything" may be. I honestly have to say that stronger than the pang of regret comes the excitement and you realize that something in your life is about to change and that regardless of everything works out the way you're thinking... there's a freedom in speaking the truth, there's a freedom in releasing the words that you said you could never say. Thank God, there is beauty in the breakdown. Life is crazy and I can't even tell you what i'm expecting or what God is going to do, I don't know. But I know that he is good. I know that God has not let all of this crazy situation be in vein.

making history!

2009-11-05T23:58:00.000-08:00

So i am aware that it's almost 3 am. It's not that i'm not exhausted... I am. I guess I am just thinking of so much. Here's what's up:

to start off..i got an amazing cd from a friend. The artist's name is Mandy Mabes. She's not famous, but oh she should be! Her songs have just been speaking to me so much! Thank you Jesus.

Christmas music started today!!! I had every intention of pulling it out on Nov. 1, but time has not permitted. But it came out today---ah, I love it!

I'm fully loving fall right now. I am loving this "perfect, mellow, messy, leaf kicking, perfect pause between summer and winter." God always teaches me more in this season than ANY other. There's just something about the autumn when he decides to shift my world and teach me some CRAZY and INSANE lesson. This years...is mind boggling, earth shattering and absolutely wonderful.

I've just recently been enlightened to how much i've grown in the last 5 years. I've even had people comment about it. I cannot believe I've gotten to this place..rather, I cannot believe how AMAZING God has been to get me to this place. During the entire thing I was miserable and he had to drag me while I was kicking and screaming, but thankfully he did it despite my protests! Now, I see the whole other side of everything and how absolutely NECESSARY all of it was! I know that we all have those days when we wake up and say--"i wish i would've trusted God more, because it all turned out okay." I am at that place and while all my questions have not been answered and maybe things haven't exactly unfolded completely, I'm finding that things are NOT as they seem. Let me just say, God is making history!

Decisions have still not been made..that have to be made. Honestly, some things are going to HAVE to be taken care of before a decision can be made. The only way for those things to happen is for me to get out of bed and go for it. While there's always a fear of everything coming to the surface and changing.. there's always an excitement that comes as well. The thing is..sunrise and sunset, i'm watching life pass before my eyes. The truth is my friends, I have to get these things worked out so that I can make the decision about the next few years of my life. I'm afraid, yes, but I know that God has a CRAZY/AMAZING plan that is going to make everything i've been through worthwhile! :)

I'd appreciate prayer during this time, but know that God is good and he has you exactly where he wants you and whatever you're going through today, is going to be worth it!

"..and our lives were less than ordinary, but while I couldn't see past tomorrow, God was making history."

i've been praying for this.

2009-10-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

I love pictures. I have always been somewhat fascinated with them; how they freeze a moment in time and you can truly keep it forever. Yet, I have always been somewhat disappointed that no matter how wonderful a picture or how talented the photographer, a picture never captures perfectly what our eyes see. I see a camera as almost a counterfeit of what God has made. Don't get me wrong, I love pictures, I will continue to take them and I think they can 100% bring glory to God. I think what I'm saying though is that God made our eyes to take in some of the most beautiful things, they are perfect lenses..and he made our memory to keep those images with us always. A camera, is just the same thing. Except unfortunately, the lenses never quite measures up to the ones God has made and they never see the object of it's focus as beautiful as someone looking at it with only their eyes. Today was one of the most beautiful days and I am convinced that no matter the photographer they could've never captured it perfectly. Camera lenses will just never compare to our eyes that God has made. Not only that, they cannot capture our feelings perfectly either. While you can get an emotion from looking at a photograph (which is one of my fav. things about them) you can not feel all that they originally contained, because you are no longer in that moment...or for an onlooker, they were never in that moment.

I am not sure what made me think of this today..but it's been on my mind. That this season of my life, no one can quite capture or wrap their mind around it. It's something that I can't explain in words, art, music, pictures.. it's just beyond all of that. It is glorious, yet it is heart wrenching, it is familiar and somehow completely new. It is everything I said I never wanted, but secretly I've been desperate for it for such a long time. I am ready for whatever God is about to do. I'm so ready.

should've been much further than this by now..a little bit more gone, a little less twisted around.

2009-10-20T23:46:00.001-07:00

There may be many reasons for me being a dreamer. One of them being that it is one of the meanings of my name. Or it could be all the ridiculous Disney movies I was forced to watch as a child. I always picked the realistic ones.. 101 Dalmations, Lion King..those were my favorites. Completely realistic (well..mostly) and then of course my sister and cousin would pick the ones like Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Cinderella...the completely ridiculous and irrational ones. As much as I HATED them, they made me watch them. Now perhaps they are to blame for my being a dreamer. Most of the time it doesn't come up and cause a problem. Here recently I think it is to blame for a lot of the things I've been dealing with. Don't get me wrong...dreams can be a wonderful thing. They give us hope and something to look forward to. The only problem is when our dreams become completely unrealistic. I think perhaps that has become my problem. Rather than sticking with the realistic dreams I had as a child and my logical thoughts.. I decided to go out on a limb and come up with dreams that honestly make no sense for my life. I don't know what has happened to me.. I don't know where my logic went. Some people would encourage completely irrational dreams..and in some cases, that's okay. But when it comes to lifelong decisions...you cannot completely abandon rational thinking..can you? I don't really know what's provoking me to write this.. but I guess I'm just starting to realize that maybe everything i've worked for up until this point..has been for all the wrong reasons and for the purpose of accomplishing some COMPLETELY irrational and illogical dreams. Perhaps it's time to move forward with a clear mind and get my head back where it needs to be. Does this make my decisions any EASIER? No, not at all. But does it point out the consequences that will inevitably follow if I choose an irrational one...yes, somewhat. So, I still have not come to any conclusions, but I'm starting to rule out some of the choices..so i'm getting closer.

love.

Terrible Tuesdays

2009-10-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

Tuesdays are always super dramatic for me. They normally start off pretty good with the girls accountability breakfast group. Of course, it's always after that when the devil decides to attack me. Fall is my favorite season, but always the hardest. Driving down the roads that are covered with leaves and listening to Taylor Swift's first cd on a Tuesday morning is NEVER a good idea for me. Yet, somehow that is where I found myself today. I finally came to my senses and said "Ash, you are being ridiculous! You really are." Then of course, I come home and come face to face with some of the most aggravating things in the world. I hate when this happens. I always think I'm getting past things and then of course Tuesday morning comes and I find that it is just not so. So now I have a choice to make...how to spend the rest of my day. I have yet to figure it out, but I'm going to make today count for something. It's not going to be just one of "those" Tuesdays..that end in misery and leave me praying that somehow next week I will miraculously be able to skip Tuesday all together. Be expecting a blog that tells about how this turned out to be an AMAZING Tuesday. Just wait.

5 am is not so fantastic.

2009-10-09T01:49:00.001-07:00

Goodmorning! If you are reading this and you've seen the time stamp you are probably thinking..."ASHLIN IS UP AT 5 AM?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?" Ahh..yes, this is not normal. My sleep patterns are SOO messed up. I went to sleep at like 11:45. Got up at like 3:30 and was wide awake, now I cannot go back to sleep for ANYTHING.

I'm just sitting in my bed right now, listening to some country music (oh yes), and thinking about the events of today and all the things I need to get done. Transcripts for one. Oil change (IS A MUST). Figuring out WHERE exactly I'm going to apply...and about a million other things. These next couple of days are going to be INSANE, so i'm going to need some serious prayer!

Pray also for my sleep habits. They need some SERIOUS help.

Love, Ashlin

scattered thoughts

2009-10-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

It's finally October!! I am not one bit sad to see September go. While the ending of September was quite marvelous, the month of October has started out amazing! God is doing GREAT things here...Here's a list of all my jumbled thoughts:

1) Tomorrow is going to be AMAZING. Not only tomorrow, but next week. I am just going to go ahead and DECIDE that they will all be AMAZING days. I've found that most of the time works.

2) I twisted my ankle today, I'm hoping Jesus miraculously heals it tonight. I think he will--just sayin.

3) I think I was bitten by about 5 black widows, not really...but kind of.

4) I just ate a banana that was about one day from rotten-ness; I'm glad I rescued it. I am in the mood to watch a movie, but I don't know what to watch. Perhaps MyLifetime.Com has something.

5) I'm in the mood to bake fall-like things. I don't bake; but if I did... I would.

6) I'm offically in the midst of choosing my future. That whole "two roads diverged in a wood" thing that Frost was talking about....yeah, I think it was prophetic for my life. Eh..."that hath made all the difference" the path the poet chose made all the difference in his life. No pressure for me...right?

7 )My vision is getting slightly worse, this bothers me. Yet, if I get glasses I will be more attractive. So says some stupid statistic online. All that would be left to do is get blonde hair and change my eye color to blue. Yeahhh, right.

8) I am one of those people that puts a song on repeat for days. It's not a good thing.

9) I am bitter that I got made fun of (MAJORLY) for liking the song "Dream" by Priscilla Ahn..and now that it was in Bride Wars, everyone likes it. That's just not cool.

10) I think my dog died and that my parents bought a clone to fake me out...she all of a sudden has a different personality. Either that...or they're drugging her.

11) I don't understand those people who think it is necessary to tweet 80 times a day. I don't think that's healthy.

12) I had a lean cuisine and saltines for dinner. That's sad.

13) I started watching season 1 of Saving Grace. I think it's the stupidest show I've ever seen.

14) I want to do something outrageous this week. I haven't figured out what it will be yet, but I'm going to do it....

15) My dad is eating a disgusting sandwich and laying on my bed.....it's hilarious and I think it's banana and mayo. He must've rescued the last banana. Go Dad!

I have fallen in love with fall

2009-09-27T18:27:00.000-07:00

Hey friends! I am writing this as I wait for a phone call that will confirm plans for tomorrow and Tuesday. I have been so busy these past couple of days, after this phone call I will no doubt fall into bed and sleep as long as possible. Today, on my drive home from church..the colorful leaves started falling from the tree and the crisp air was streaming through my car and I thought to myself.. "FALL IS HERE!" and I just sat basking in the wonderfulness that is fall. I absolutely love it, because as you all know it is such a sign of change...and that is EXACTLY what is happening in my life right now. I wish I had the time to explain everything, but there are just not enough words and not enough time. God is moving in such amazing ways and I am just truly LOVING it. Although it is not how I had planned, his plans truly are better than mine and I am trusting that! These next few days are going to be SWAMPED. So keep me in your prayers!

love!

Wake Me Up When September Ends

2009-09-17T15:29:00.000-07:00

To start off...the season premiere of BONES is tonight. I'm overly excited about this! I just got into BONES a few months ago. On a family trip to the beach, Jordan and I grew bored one afternoon so we made a wal-mart trip...randomly bought the first season of BONES and my obsession began then. I watched one every night (sometimes two or three) for the remainder of the trip and continued watching them when I got home and purchased the second and third seasons. Then I searched until I found all the episodes of season 4 online and watched them. So pretty much...I'm super excited about tonight.
So a lot has happened in the past few weeks that I guess i've failed to update about. I took a beach trip with the youth leadership and that was an interesting experience for me. The trip tested me in a lot of ways and despite the fact that I think I may have failed a few of those tests...some of them I passed and they will not have to be taken again--at least for now. I found myself learning a lot about silence and only speaking what the LORD says. It's my nature to mouth off and say whatever I want or whatever I'm thinking...but the LORD silenced me on that trip and would only let me say the things that he wanted. It was a humbling experience. I realized that about 85% of everything I say is random and only 15% is what really needs to be heard.
As for everything else... my sleep has not been doing well, once again. I hate when I get in these modes. I'm just going to have to pray my way out of it. It seems to be the only remedy to my insomnia.
I've been living in the past a lot lately. There's something about this season and even this particular month of the year that always makes me back track and go into a season of rememberance. September has always been a crucial month in my life..seems that some of the most significant days in my life took place in September. While I am not one to wish my life away--when September rolls around i'm always ready for it to end due to fear that something else crazy will occur. For once i'd like September to represent something GOOD in my life. September this year has been relatively quiet, but it's not over yet. Maybe that's why i've been sleeping so much lately...In the words of Green Day. "Wake Me Up when September Ends."

just a little update

2009-09-07T20:48:00.000-07:00

So i'll just do a really small update as of right now...

I just got home from the beach and i'm so exhausted. It was a good trip though and God taught me more than I imagined. The truth is, i'm downloading it all NOW...hours later. I couldn't see when I was in the midst of everything what exactly he was doing, but now it is all starting to make sense. I don't really know how to explain what is going through my mind right now, but Colbie Caillat understands..as always. A lot of really heart changing things happened to me the past couple of days and I wasn't as ready for them as I thought. They're good though and I will update you more as the week goes on.

But until then.. I have to sleep! Not only did I just get home from the beach..when I did I went straight to the Tent Revival tonight. Needless to say, the computer screen is starting to blur.

love,

ashlin

Doggy Dooms Day

2009-09-02T09:24:00.000-07:00

So, I finished my first project for this year just a few minutes ago. I must say, i'm quite proud of how well I think I did. I mean, granted my mother is my teacher and she's probably NOT going to fail me...but as I read my own paper I was surprised how much I sounded like I knew exactly what I was talking about..almost as if I lived through it myself, except of course I didn't...My paper was pretty much about the history of the US economy and comparing Reagan to Obama.. Anyway, glad that ones over! Not excited to hear about the next one though.

My dog FINALLY got a haircut. It was quite an effort, but it happened. When I got home from the youth girl's breakfast yesterday morning.. I proceeded to check and make sure my dad had taken the dog for her appt. I go into the den and sure enough--he's sitting in his chair with his "i just woke up" hair do and his eyes partially closed. The dog of course, is at my feet barking and staring up at me (at least I think she was, I couldn't see her eyes through all of the hair!!!) I sighed and asked him what time she was supposed to be there. "Between 8 and 9" was his response. I looked at the clock, yep...it was 9:00. I shook my head, put the leash on her and informed my poor dad that I would take her.

Now, normally...my dog is jumping over the top of me as I try to steer the car. Jumping up on the window, barking at every person in every car, and falling out of the leather seats into the floor board and getting upset and jumping back up. She didn't do that this time. She came right over next to me, laid down in the seat beside me...and let me pet her the entire way there. It was so refreshing to actually be able to DRIVE the car while she was in there. This trip was looking hopeful!!

We get to the groomers and she jumps down into the floorboard, under the steering wheel and I unlock the doors and attempt to get out of the car. FAIL. The drivers side door is STUCK and I mean...stuck! I sat there for a good 5 minutes trying to open it, I didn't. SO I climbed over, got in the passengers seat and got out, ran to the other side and attempted to open the driver's side door from the outside. Still stuck. So I get BACK in on the passengers side and attempt to pull the dog over toward me. This didn't work well. Now not only was the driver's door stuck, the dog was stuck. She was stuck under the steering wheel and couldn't get to the passenger's side floorboard due to the gear shifter and couldn't get in the driver's seat to cross over, due to the fact she kept hitting her head on the steering wheel and I was fearing she would probably pass out if she continued to try. At this point, I'm laughing..because I am the ONLY person in the parking lot and I know the women inside are watching me, because the entire front of the building is glass. It hits me then to push the driver's seat as far back as possible and maybe she could get up without hitting her head. Well, I did..and she got up there, but not without knocking herself in the head one good time. She then jumped down into the floorboard on the passenger's side, but is apparently either too old to jump down onto the concrete, or just too afraid. So I had to pick her up and put her on the ground...but not without losing the leash from around her neck. Luckily, I got it back on her before she escaped. I then shut the passenger's side door and go inside the groomer's office.

Now, this is where it gets weird. I walk in and the entire staff of...3 ladies look at each other in complete surprise. Almost as if they didn't know I was coming. I'm left standing there, leash in one hand, the other on my hip and staring at them in complete confusion. We all stood there, wordlessly staring at one another for a good 3 and a half minutes before one woman nonchalantly said, "Can I help you?" I held up the leash as if to say, "My dog?" while, really I wanted to say, "Yes, I'll take a table for three!" and confuse her just as much as she was confusing me. After having to state the dog's name numerous times, they finally took her from me, but not before she wet the floor---TWICE. Then the woman who picked her up almost lost a finger, but at that point.. I couldn't really blame the dog..these people were being a little ridiculous. Now let me remind you, while all this is happening..we're all just standing, in complete silence. The woman standing at the computer then informs me that the dog needs a shot and I respond with "okay, whatever she needs." Then the woman holding my dog as if she is a grocery bag hoisted on her hip asks ME what time I WANT to come get her. I wanted to say, "I'll take her NOW and go find someone who understands how to do all of this." But I just looked at her, dumbfounded and opened my mouth to say, "What time will you be done?" When she interrupted me and blurted out 4:30. I shook my head and know I must have been giving her a "look", but I didn't care.. I just walked out as they all yelled "BYE" in a friendly manner behind me, as if we had all just had the most enjoyable experience of our lives.

Getting out to the car, I reach to open the door and apparently was pulling it with force, because I was catipulted 12 inches backwards. REJECTED. I had forgotten the door was stuck. So, I walked over the passengers seat, climbed over, stomped on the gas and got out of that place.

Just so you know, my dog DID survive. And that was NOT my car..it was my parent's. My car's doors work properly...do not ask me why theirs do not.

Lessons Learned When Taking the Dog to the Groomers:
1) Just because your dog is remaining calm on the way there, does not mean she will stay that way when you arrive.

2) Don't assume just because you made an APPOINTMENT, that the groomer will expect you to arrive there.

3) You can choose ANY time to pick up the dog..because apparently, it doesn't matter what time they finish.

4) Take your own car when driving to the groomers.

5) Know that your poor dad DOESN'T understand the concept of "appointment."

6) It doesn't matter if you let your dog pee outside before you take her, because she will still go when you take her inside.

7) Carry a big sign that says "My dog's name is ____________ (insert proper name here)" when you go, or they will not know what to do.

8) Just because you're at the groomers, with a leash in hand and an exceptionally furry dog at your feet...don't assume they will know why you're there.

9) When 3 employees are working: One will attempt to get the dog (and almost lose limbs). One will stand over the computer, with her eyebrows furrowed, confused at why it says your dog should get shot. The last, will stand with her nail file just staring at the other two wondering why the other two actually bothered to move.

Love,
Ashlin

Is something about to break?

2009-08-28T22:05:00.000-07:00

So there's this Mat Kearney song that became pretty popular a few years ago, called "Nothing Left to Lose" and a few years ago, I remember my sister and I singing this song so many times at moments in our lives when we felt God was about to do something huge. We'd always sing:

"Something's in the air tonight
the sky's alive with a burning light
you can mark my words,
something's 'bout to break"

and it's almost as if you could have marked our words, because something always broke. Maybe it's a stretch to call it "prophetic" that it always rose up in our spirits at a certain time in our lives...but i'm willing to make the leap and say it was. What I find exceptionally dissapointing is that I haven't heard those lines uttered to my spirit in a long time and it's somewhat heart wrenching. Maybe it's just that God is speaking a different way now and he's trying to mix things up a little, I'm not really sure.

I know that things are changing dramatically in my life though. This is definitely what I'd call a "new season" and it's scary. Tonight a few of us gathered and "kidnapped" our friend Melissa who is leaving for Israel on Thursday. It hit me tonight how bittersweet the farewell is going to be. I am going to miss this woman of God terribly. She's always there to help me out and talk me down when I'm going a little crazy. Then again, an excitement is in me for her. To send someone you love out to do the things that you yourself hope to do one day is encouraging in an unexplainable way.

I remember being little and my dad coming in my room to wake me up for school and he would yell "wake up, teddy bears are going on a picnic!" and he would jerk all of the covers off of me. I used to get so angry when he would pull the covers off. I was cold, uncomfortable and forced to move. That's where I am today with God. He's pulled the security blankets off of me and I am left cold, uncomfortable and forced to move! I've been begging, praying, seeking and yelling for God to help me and give me the answers to these questions burning in my soul. He gives me the answers, but they're answers I was expecting and answers I didn't want to hear. They're the BEST answers, yes.... but uncomfortable and somewhat difficult and annoying. I guess what I'm trying to say is now God is moving me into a completely new season and rather than having the people who have been there with me through the transition of the other seasons in my life...they're out fulfilling God's plan for their lives. It's scary, I'm not going to lie. I'm trying to be ready though and I'm trying to believe that whether I hear the Mat Kearney lyrics in my head or not....that something is IN FACT about to break.

Love,
Ashlin :)

The Beginning of the End

2009-08-25T06:45:00.000-07:00

These past few days have been crazy. They've included a work day, a cook out with the Bhutanese from church, a solo trip to the mountains, sitting in an hour and a half of traffic, a lunch & car decorating day with Sarah for our last day of summer, and the girl's breakfast this morning. Today is the official start of my senior year. I actually found myself tearing up at the thought. I cannot believe how fast time has flown. People always told me, "those four years of high school will fly by!" I didn't believe them, but they were right.

Although things have been a little crazy, God has been so good! I wish I had the energy to update you on more, but like I said...things are busy. Today is the beginning of the end of a huge chapter in a person's life. It's one of the most exciting things ever, I can't believe I actually got here. Then again, it's sad. Growing up is a always a bittersweet thing. I can't wait to see what God has in store for this year, it's going be a good year and I'm going to embrace it. My motto for this year is "You only live once!" I'm going to make the most of every opportunity that comes my way and just have fun and enjoy this time in my life.

I'll update more when my schedule allows for it and I'm not so exhausted. Getting up so early the past week has started to get to me. Have a great day!

love, ashlin :)

Talk about BAD timing.

2009-08-23T01:35:00.000-07:00

They say timing is everything. I personally think it's hilarious that i'm writing this at 4:34 am and I have to be up in about 4 and 1/2 hours to go to church, but nevertheless...i'd like to discuss BAD timing.

I think I can speak from experience when I say I know something about BAD timing. Just recently (like within the last 10 minutes) I have learned an entire new definition of the concept "bad timing." I've been praying through this INSANELY crazy situation in my life....and just seeking and FINALLY answers are coming and breakthrough is close and I receive a text message that is intended to complicate it ALL. And it has, for a moment, and I am wondering..WHY NOW? WHY ALL OF A SUDDEN? Why would God allow such a thing to happen just as I am on the edge of breakthrough? I wish I knew. Maybe to teach me something, maybe as a test.. I don't know and I won't pretend to understand his mysterious ways. I do know this though, that I cannot waiver on truth and what is right..regardless of any texts or anything else that happens. I know that I cannot let any feelings be swayed because of anything like that.. but I know this, what BAD TIMING to get such a text. It's one of the many things I love about a lot of the people in my life..they all have EXCEPTIONALLY BAD TIMING. I wish I could convey how true this is. It's almost as if some of them are PROGRAMMED to know when it would be MOST inconvenient to come to me..and they PURPOSEFULLY decide to execute their "plans" then. You have no idea how often this happens to me. It's almost humorous to me now. I guess I will have to address this situation when I awake in 4 and 1/2 hours and I will deal with it then. Until that time, I just wanted to vent for a moment.

God's timing is perfect. No doubt about that.
And he knows everything that will happen, before it happens......right?
Sooo...one must conclude he knew this would happen..
Meaning: He has some kind of plan.

I believe that. I have to believe that.

it's getting better all the time.

2009-08-19T20:15:00.000-07:00

So last night... I started complaining. It's been happening a lot lately, and I'm not proud of it. Anyways, I started complaining about having nothing to do with my time. "Well, be careful what you wish for...cause you just might get it all (and then some you don't want)." I'm super excited because I have a lot of things coming up soon and so I'm amazed and grateful that the Lord has answered that prayer. As for getting up earlier, I have been doing a lot better and I'm so thankful for that. It's 11:16 and I'm already tired and ready for bed..which is an AWESOME accomplishment for me! :) Tonight was so good..all day has been completely great. I've spent the entire day laughing like crazy. I went through my 90 millionth license check tonight. I go through them more often than anyone I know. (Maybe it's a sign to start a witnessing ministry to the police! HA!) Anyway, tonight I went through and as soon as I saw the blue lights as I turned the corner, I grabbed my purse and had my license in hand, hanging out of my window when I pulled up. The seven or eight cops standing there all looked at each other in confusion. I've yet to figure out if it was because I was so eagerly prepared, or because it wasn't really a license check....haha I'm not really sure what was going on. Anyway, the fact that they all looked at each other like I was completely nuts for handing them my license and the cop nearest to me fumbled around with a confused look on his face.. saying "ohhh?" and took it... By then I just bursted out laughing with Sarah (who was in the passengers seat) and the next cop proceeded to ask what we were laughing at when Sarah said "You". He looked at us for a second confused and then Sarah continued (in a hilarious country accent) "We're just happy...we love Jesus!" Which then the cop bursted out laughing as well...and we laughed all the way home. It was one of the most enjoyable "license checks" (if that's what it really was) that i've ever been through..and trust me, I go through my share of them.

So my plan for this moment is to get some sleep and wake up early(ish) tomorrow and do some productive things. Things have been staying clean around our house (probably because I clean a lot) but nevertheless it's a blessing and I'm thankful for it. Things are happening. God is moving. and Life is getting better and I'm so thankful for it. I needed some breakthrough and it's finally coming. Granted, I'm going to be facing some things in the next few days that cannot be defined as "cake" but i'm convinced that God knows EXACTLY what he is doing :)

I love all of you! Thanks for reading :)

sleeping the day away....

2009-08-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

My morning started off at 11:00 and I woke up and realized that I had nothing to do today. I rolled back over and went back to sleep. I woke up several more times before pulling myself out of bed at 1:30, Pathetic... I know! When I finally crawled out of bed this morning. I went trapzing into the kitchen to get my "first thing when i wake up soft drink" (don't freak..it was diet! So that makes it more respectable...right??) and my mother comes to me and hugs me saying, "There she is! She's awake... My friend! There's my friend!" I know I must have looked at her like she was a few crayons short of the full box, but it was an odd thing to say. Anyway, it made me laugh...so I figured i'd share it with you. Then I proceeded to bathe my dog, talk to Jordan (yay!), and then come across something I didn't really want to think about ... but it is inevitably being pushed in my face. I love the whole "Surrender this to me, dear child!" thing that God says, and then it still ends up poking you in the rear and you find yourself shaking your head and saying, "Remind me how to surrender it if it won't leave me alone?" that's kind of how I feel today. It's okay though, it's a process! Surrender is a process.

My to do list for the rest of the day looks a little something like this:

1. make my bed (that i am still sitting in at....3:48)
2. take a shower
3. get dressed
4. go get coffee
5. read my wonderful Bible
6. return movies from family movie night
7. hang out with some friends

So sadly, my day will begin at about 4:00 today, but that is okay! God has mercy on me. Thank you Jesus! I know what all of you are probably thinking (because it's probably what I hear 17 times a day): "Get a job you lazy bum! Get up and do something with your life!" Well, while I don't disagree... I am still claiming it "summer vacation" until Aug. 25 or so. I hope that all is well with each of you and that you found yourself out of bed at a respectable time today and have had a productive day thus far...pray that I'll start doing that. I need to do that.

Love, Ashlin :)

Day of Rest

2009-08-10T12:54:00.000-07:00

So... This morning, I woke up at 12. I realize that is completely pitiful, but considering we just finished a three day conference at church and I barely got any sleep, I needed the day to sleep in. The conference was absolutely amazing and God did so many awesome things. He did a lot in my life personally and I know that some things I experienced will forever change my life! I miss being in the presence of God corporately, but I'm so thankful that I can be in his presence at any given time! Anyway, I went and had lunch at the famous Elizabeth's Pizza today. My friend Sarah and I always go there on our lunch dates! It's one of the reasons we're such great friends, because she's the only other person I know (besides myself) who is obsessed with Elizabeth's and gets amped up about their lunch special! I have to say that today is going to be my lazy day, I'm sitting in my bed right now just relaxing in pajamas. I've spent the last week cleaning this house and I need some time to recover! We've been remodeling since May and I'm so glad to see it coming to a close! It all started when my room flooded while I was in Montreat with Jordan......I had no idea that one pipe bursting would cause so much damage, but my room has been done for a while...so we just decided to re-do everything! The kitchen looks like a dream compared to before and the living room looks twice it's former size! It's a blessing to have everything put together! I enjoyed the little bit of time I had by myself this weekend in my clean home. I felt accomplished after cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping, taking care of the dog...but I will admit it's exhausting! Props to all the mom's who do it alone...DAILY! So anyway, after all of that...I'm designating today a "day of rest!" I'm thinking of watching Echelon Conspiracy in a little bit, it looks super good! I have a weird fascination with government conspiracy type stuff....I always have. That's probably why when my friend Melissa introduced me to the tv show ALIAS I watched the entire series (5 seasons) in about a week and a half. I'm so ADD, I somehow just got off on writing this and was watching an interview with Kate Gosselin and then read John Mark Mcmillans blog... apparently I lack the skill of focusing. (P.S. John Mark's blog was excellent today, so go read it!) So that's been my day so far! I'm going to devise a plan on how to get the dog back onto the porch and out of my room! Hope you all have a blessed one!